Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Update on rekindling a love affair after 20 odd years!

(10 Posts)
SuperFlyHigh Mon 11-Apr-16 22:14:57

Don't know if anyone remembers and can't find it now... But I posted the other week about an ex fiancé Canadian who wanted to rekindle a relationship of approx 20 years or so and wanted me also (he said) to think about me coming over there etc. I was 20 when I met him turned 21 with him we were together for 2 years.

Well he's newly retired, just turned 47, out of army and last week it got quite sex fuelled, the chats etc... When I called him on it (as that puts me off now) he said that he was "bored and lonely" - he lives in a small Canadian town and has his veterans club and motorcycle club for stuff to do... Apart from gym etc.

I suddenly realised this wasn't for me even if I wanted it to be, as he really hasn't changed much (he says he has) he has maybe matured but he is still a bit controlling and that means that I'd either:-

a) take advantage of that to manipulate him to what I want
B) be stuck in middle of nowhere in Canada which is one of the reasons though I visited I never moved there (he moved/relocated to UK for a few years whilst in army home on leave)

And other stuff.

I may be totally shooting myself In the foot, heck I'd love the hearts and roses stuff (he was going on about me being his first true love (I was) saying he's been thinking of me for years, never forgot, telling me he's dreamed about me forever etc...

But it all got way too much way too soon, and scared me off, so just sent him a FB email saying "dear John" (not his name).

Just wanted to post an update even if it's not the happy ending it could've been - my overriding emotion is relief, not upset which speaks volumes I think.

HPsauciness Mon 11-Apr-16 22:16:31

Super your last sentence is spot on, it's a pretty good guide in life I think. Sorry it didn't work out, but it sounds like it really wasn't for you.

scribblegirl Mon 11-Apr-16 22:19:22

I read your first post OP, but didn't comment as I didn't think I could add anything.

But I have to say I'm pleased. There's not necessarily anything wrong with going head over heels but it felt a bit wrong to me.

Time to look forward I think, not back smile

SuperFlyHigh Mon 11-Apr-16 22:25:32

scribble I agree it felt wrong to me too, flattering yes... Nice words, yes, what I ideally want yes.

But I don't feel for him what I should have felt and it was quite easy for me to walk away first time round, we had great sex like he said but the chemistry was never there as it has been with other men (not that great chemistry ever means anything in my experience!).

HP - I am in one way thinking "are you mad follow your heart!" But I don't think there was much apart from a 21 year old madly in lust and love who got engaged without a backwards glance first time round and then had a friend talk her round afterwards.

Thanks again! :-)

HeddaGarbled Mon 11-Apr-16 23:05:36

Good. I did comment on your first thread and he did sound a bit OTT to me. I'm glad you feel relief and agree, that probably tells you that you've done the right thing flowers

WhoaCadburys Tue 12-Apr-16 00:12:46

Was he the guy who tracked you down in a pub, or was that another thread?

SuperFlyHigh Tue 12-Apr-16 08:13:51

Whoa no, not me, another thread!

I did have a stalker one time approach me in a pub (he'd been watching me on the train to London Bridge, then when I got my bus, and one evening where I lived this man (a random) approached me and it was him... Nice enough man, good looking, not English (reason I say not English is because some other cultures are better at approaching etc than English men). Anyway when this man told me "I've seen you putting on your lipstick seen the XXX bus you get from x to x" I froze... And thank god I was with my brother and his GF and some friends so I loudly mentioned "my brother's over there...!" And scarpered!

no relevance to this story whatsoever

WhoaCadburys Tue 12-Apr-16 09:20:41

Gosh! That's a bit freaky!

Snoopydo Tue 12-Apr-16 09:27:02

The thing is, if he lived round the corner you could meet him for a quick coffee, what's the harm in that? As he actually lived in Canada it was rather a risk! I think you've done the right thing.

SuperFlyHigh Tue 12-Apr-16 09:47:55

What's even funnier is that on my FB feed this morning is a post from a "friend" who likes him (he mentioned that to me but was concerned as she has 3 kids) (the Canadian) saying "thanks for a wonderful day yesterday big warm smile" and others saying "thanks for dropping by".

Would place bets he's seeing her... And this comes after last night I emailed him the dear john stuff. But I could be bothered less... She works for him as she lives at least near him...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now