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Help me and my friend

(4 Posts)
4n0nym0u5 Mon 11-Apr-16 18:57:53

So a friend of mine told me the other night that she is in a pickle at the moment as she is having feelings for a bloke she use to have a thing for before she met her now husband for 7 years....her and her husband have 2 children 7 and 3.....

Well, this other bloke came into her life again just a few weeks ago i think and she has begun to have feelings for him. They havent done 'anything' ( she told me anyway)

She has been unhappy in her relationship and has told me she isnt in love with hubby anymore. This other bloke has a baby on the way, unplanned and is due in june. This knocked my friend for 6 when she heard about this, she doesnt know what to do.

I am in a similar situation, i have feelings for someone else. he isnt with anyone but I am, though im not married and I have 2 children from a previous relationship....so I dont know what advice to give my friend because of this.

One side of me is saying, no you are married with 2 young children you need to work at it, go to counselling, ect....and the other side of me is saying, see how it goes with this new fella, dont make any life changing actions, you cant help who you fall for and you dont want to be in a miserable marriage.....

Just want to add alittle on my situation...I have 2 young children with my ex husband, we separated nearly 3 years ago. I went on a dating website, just for fun really...I met up with a man I was chatting to, he also was separated with a daughter, at the same time I was chatting to someone else too, who I found more attractive than the other one....we are now in a relationship and moved in together, and my children adore him. But as time as moved on I found him to be immature and he has had a cheating past, which im struggling to get over ( not with me but with his exes) I have never stopped thinking about this other bloke I was chatting to and met up with a couple times and he has recently added me on fb. He is alot maturer than my current partner, has his own place a good job and I know he would never cheat on me or any gf he has. He is single and says he still holds a flame for me.

Any advice please??

21stCenturyBreakdown Mon 11-Apr-16 19:51:29

you cant help who you fall for

That''s no justification for having an affair. Long term relationships don't happen by chance because neither partner ever has feelings for anyone else - we're all human. Long term relationships are achieved by maintaining appropriate boundaries with others and controlling your actions even if you can't control your feelings.

If you and your friend are unhappy in your relationships, that's an entirely separate matter to these other men. Ending things because you're not happy / don't see a future is fair to your partners. Ending things because you think you have a chance with somebody better (or worse, exploring that chance whilst still in your relationships), isn't.

4n0nym0u5 Mon 11-Apr-16 20:29:28

Thank you for you reply. This is exactly why I posted to get an outsiders opinion.

I think its the facT we are having feelings for other men which makes us see we arnt happy in our relationships. I would not dream of having an affair, no way. Im not sure about my friend, she said she wouldnt feel guilty if she kissed someone else....I couldnt believe it when she said that...id feel guilty!

NerrSnerr Tue 12-Apr-16 10:56:18

If someone is not happy in their relationship they should deal with that. Whether that is my leaving the other person or working through it. If they want a relationship with someone else they should end their current relationship.

In my option there is no justification for cheating.

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