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DD upset after separation, how to help her?

(2 Posts)
keiratomm Mon 11-Apr-16 18:32:42

Hi,
my partner and I have split over a year ago, we have 3 children. The 2 older ones seem to get on with it really well (in fact, when we still lived together it was them who asked a few times "why don't you split up to stop all this arguing?"). So now he has his own apartment. We have no set arrangements, he comes around when he has time (and is bothered).
That's what really annoys me - I am expected to be always there for the kids (it was like that when we still lived toghether, so no big change there), and he just turns up every now and again giving it how great a dad he is. He often gets the older kids over to his place, but with the youngest one (6) I usually have to ask and remind him to spend time with her (so when he does turn up we often argue).
So, anyway, I would be grateful for any advice how to help my DD to get over this unfortunate arrangement as she loves her dad, and is sorry for him, and would like to see him more often... I would just hate it for her to be in any way scarred by my hapless handling of the dude (he does bring my blood to boil but this is another story smile

HandyWoman Mon 11-Apr-16 18:39:38

Well, firstly he's a dick.

Secondly - this 'turning up every so often' arrangement - why do you tolerate it??? It isn't good either for you or for your dc, and certainly damaging for your poor 'forgotten' dd.

My ex used to have sporadic and rubbish contact. Then I drew a line under all that and made contact much more formal and regular. My kids are now much happier and feel more secure as a result.

From where I am sitting you need to get a better contact agreement sorted out. You will all benefit, including dd.

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