Hi,
I'm brand new here and have spent the last few sleepless nights trawling dozens of threads to see if I'm alone in what I'm experiencing and sadly it appears I'm not.
To cut a very long story short I've been married to DH for 14 years (together 21), we have one gorgeous DD (8), a lovely home, good jobs and a nice lifestyle. However, it seems none of this is enough for DH. Whether he is actually depressed in the true sense or just a miserable bastard I haven't quite worked out yet but either way he is getting worse, refuses to seek help or even speak to anyone about it. It seems to stem from him hating his job (I wouldn't dare tell you what he does for a living as it makes his behaviour seem all the more ridiculous). I try to be sympathetic and offer assistance as best I can but there is a limit to what I can do as I'm not his employee and have no input in his firm (he's self-employed). This misery for him has been going on for a few years and he has his good days and when he's happy he really is brilliant. He really wants for nothing and I try to tell him that he is actually very fortunate and most people would cut off their right leg to have what he has but his glass is permanently half empty and I don't think he'd ever be truly happy.
Things have been coming to a head in the last 2 years or so and his temper is getting ever shorter, he's getting angrier easier (the slightest thing can set him off), I tend to get the brunt of if but DD hasn't escaped it sadly (he blamed her for breaking the new TV - she hadn't, it was a software issue and replaced within a week and even if she had that was no way to speak to her) but she went to bed in floods of tears and he had to buy her a present (his idea, not mine) as an apology when he calmed down next day. Damage done though.... In recent months his attitude towards me has deteriorated dramatically.
An example of his worst behaviour happened last week; I got the usual text that he was having a bad day so my stomach instantly hit the floor, when I got home with DD he was already home and upstairs in bed (6.30pm), I tried to talk to him but he ignored me completely (a regular occurrence, sometimes for a couple of days interspersed with nasty texts), and when DD went to say goodnight to him (after I did bathtime etc as usual) she said he was asleep and it certainly looked to me like he was. I went downstairs and sat down, he came down within minutes and asked where his tea was. I explained that I hadn't made anything because he'd been asleep and as he'd ignored me I knew that had I made something, such was his past record, he'd have told me that he didn't want it and accuse me of wasting food. He went mental and called me a fucking sackless cunt. Not for the first time. This was red rag to a bull as everything was so unjustified and I hate that word and he knows it. We rowed for a little while, I told him I was done, that he was an emotional abuser, he laughed and asked if I'd been on course or something. He told me I "had one job", i.e. to make his tea, and I couldn't even do that right. I work full time, make decent money and still he doesn't regard me as his equal. He threatened to throw a glass of water over me and I told him that constitutes abuse and he did back off. I went upstairs for the rest of the evening and he ordered a pizza and it was all my fault that he was having to eat an unhealthy meal. ALL my fault. ALL of it. Next day was all texts from him telling me he was going to spend the weekend seeking alternative accommodation (which he didn't and I knew he wouldn't) and that he would tell our DD why she would lose her house (again all MY fault). I told him he had to do what he had to do but that I wasn't moving out (the house and all our savings - although technically jointly owned - are in my name). He then changed tack and told me he was going to end it all and that this was best for everyone and to tell DD how much he loves her. Again, not the first time he's threatened suicide. I have in the past hidden sharp knives etc from him in the middle of the night while he loses it and makes these threats, but now I'm at the stage of wanting to say "crack on" because I know he won't do it but I'm not that callous.
This is one snapshot but there's SO much more; he's accused me of wanting affairs with various tradesmen we've had in recently, I can't do anything right most of the time, I do or say the wrong thing and he's off on one, I live on eggshells as his mood can change at the drop of a hat and there's a limit to how much I can shield DD from it - she notices his mood changes because he disengages from her too. I'm not perfect but surely I don't deserve this. Is it EA or am I over-reacting? I do love him and I know deep down he loves me (he sent me a message to that effect on Saturday night, the closest thing I will get to an apology). Can I have an unbiased view please, now matter how unpalatable?
Thank you for reading if you got this far!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
In need of a clear-headed view please - AIBU?? (long, sorry)
Brokenhearted45 · 11/04/2016 12:13
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.