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Being slapped on the bottom...

(19 Posts)
The2Ateam Sun 10-Apr-16 20:27:26

Me and DH argue a lot. Over the years he has repeatedly during an argument, or when I'm trying to ignore him, slapped to on the bottom. It's not a friendly or second slap but (As I see it) a 'know your place', passive/aggressive slap. I have lost count the amount of times I have asked him not to do it. I have explained how it makes me feel calmly or not so calmly. This afternoon after he did it again, even though only 2-days ago same scenario. I was more angry than I have ever been, ever. I screamed at him and punched him in the arm - I have never done this before. My question is, am I wrong to feel so offended by the slap? I really am.

DraenorQueen Sun 10-Apr-16 20:37:48

Quite where he slaps you is irrelevant. Would you keep tolerating it if it were slaps to your face? He hits your backside because he knows slaps to that area are associated with "playful flirting" and possibly less likely to be taken seriously. It's assault though and he is fucking dick.

enchantedfairytale Sun 10-Apr-16 20:38:50

Gosh that's awful. It's so demeaning.

Guiltypleasures001 Sun 10-Apr-16 20:40:36

What did he do or say when you punched his arm and screamed At him, that's the telling bit I think

Arfarfanarf Sun 10-Apr-16 20:44:41

I am not surprised you are offended. It sounds like he is actually physically chastising you. hmm that's not acceptable.

haveacupoftea Sun 10-Apr-16 20:46:09

Tell him the next time he hits you, you'll call the police. He isn't allowed to hit you.

The2Ateam Sun 10-Apr-16 20:51:45

He looked really shocked. Previously when he's done it and I have asked him not to he has apologised and promised not to, but just does it again. It is demeaning, I hate it. It's not painful but done specifically to make me feel that way.

butteredmuffin Sun 10-Apr-16 20:52:39

He is touching you in a way that you don't like. He knows you don't like it because he's done it before and you've repeatedly told him not to. He is in the wrong, not you.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts Sun 10-Apr-16 20:52:40

God he sounds awful. What on earth does he think he is doing? It's assault and it is wrong

enchantedfairytale Sun 10-Apr-16 20:54:29

It's treating you like a naughty child, which is completely unacceptable.

The2Ateam Sun 10-Apr-16 20:56:18

Thank you all for your support. X

goddessofsmallthings Sun 10-Apr-16 21:13:37

'Offended'? I'd be incandescent with rage. How DARE he do that to you!

I suggest you tell him that he's given you more than sufficient grounds to divorce his abusive arse, and if he so much as looks as if he's going lay hands on you again he'll be history.

While you're at it, I suggest you also tell him that you have it on good authority that there's no shortage of men who know how to love, cherish, and respect their partners, but he may experience considerable difficulty finding another woman who'll tolerate his physically abusive ways for as long as you've done.

Out of curiousity, why have you put up with this for "years'?

The2Ateam Sun 10-Apr-16 21:19:06

Goddess I was enraged, I really was. I don't know how I have put up with it to be honest... I really don't. I bury my head in the sand a lot when it comes to my relationship. I throw myself into the kids and work, and my parents, but tonight I just snapped.

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Apr-16 21:45:59

Time to have a long hard look at your marriage, OP. It's not a good marriage if you argue a lot, never mind patronising slaps on the bum to keep you in your place.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 10-Apr-16 21:46:49

Have you thought how much happier and fulfilled you'll be if you were able to throw yourself into "the kids and work, and your parents" without knowing that, sooner or later, you'll have to return your attention to all of things that are wrong with your marriage - and this isn't the only issue which causes you disquiet, is it?

How old are your dc and does your h slap them to make sure they know their place?

The2Ateam Mon 11-Apr-16 07:10:38

Yes, I think of how much happier I would be all the time. Kids are 9 and 3. He has has never hit them. Shouts at and argues with 9yr old a lot. Although at times they're inseparable.

HandyWoman Mon 11-Apr-16 07:27:39

Eww, patronising, demeaning slaps on the arse - to keep you in your place. You must hate him? You're allowed to leave this abusive dickhead, OP. It really is bad enough. I think you know this. The fact that you snapped is a good sign - you're heading in the right direction.

Why not see a solicitor and find out what life would be like without this idiot?

Savagebeauty Mon 11-Apr-16 07:37:20

Ex used to do this. Every time he followed me up the stairs. When I'd complain he'd say " it's only a bit of fun"angry
And he's flick me with his leather belt when he got undressed.
Note he is now my ex

Lweji Mon 11-Apr-16 07:37:44

I agree with the others.

And I'd only urge you to prepare your exit. Considering he is physical already (even if somewhat disguised) he could become dangerous and make your life very difficult. Not saying this to scare you, but so that you can. Plan to leave safely, regarding finances as well.

Don't respond physically, though. You could be the one with charges for assault instead.

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