Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How to deal with victim mentality?

(3 Posts)
Fura Sun 10-Apr-16 18:17:20

BIL divorced two years ago. He is depressed and on medication.

He's always been a bit of a moaner but it's now at the point where he constantly drains people around him.

This would be fine if he was prepared to look for solutions and take help offered but he simply will not help himself or let others help.

If positives are pointed out he ignores them and carries on moaning. Listening to him and agreeing just makes him worse.

If his moaning is pointed out he cuts the person out saying they don't understand depression.

We desperately want to help him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

HandyWoman Sun 10-Apr-16 18:41:41

He is an adult. He is responsible for helping himself and there's only so much you can do. Personally I would make sure he has the resources to tap into, tell him you'll be there for him when he is ready and then I would pull back. Protect yourself. If he's not ready to be helped, he's not ready.

theoldtrout01876 Mon 11-Apr-16 01:35:27

My exh was the worlds biggest victim, it drove me mad. It got to the point, after I realised he had no intentions of doing anything about his issues, that every time he started Id say get off the cross, I need the wood. It made him very angry but at least stopped the moaning for a little while

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now