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Drunken mistake

(155 Posts)
Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:15:54

I've nc'd on this one and I'm prepared for being flamed.

Basically I've messed up, badly. Went out with DP and spent most of the evening being ignored by him. Was chatted up and he didn't even notice. Basically got fed up and very drunk. I left him and walked to my local. Very upset and pissed off. Basically there are other issues in our relationship.

He followed me and took the house keys and went home. I thought he had locked me out. Went home with a few friends and luckily retrieved my key. I then went for a cuppa with a 'friend'. Made it clear I wasn't interested in anything.

Basically we ended up having sex. I didn't say no but was in no fit state to make a rational choice either. Ended up coming home early hours to a very pissed of DP. He doesn't know I said I went to a female friends house.

Fortunately It's someone I see once in a blue moon and can avoid. But now I have to live with myself, I feel so so ashamed of my behaviour.

I need to stop binge drinking this isn't the first time I've put myself at risk. I feel physically sick today and emotionally void.
my instinct says to keep this to myself and not tell him.

I don't really know why I'm posting. Just hoping for some advice/support as I won't be able to discuss this in RL. I feel such a fool.

Dollius01 Sun 10-Apr-16 17:19:55

Sounds to me like you were not in any fit state to consent. Plus you made it clear you were not up for anything to happen. This is not your fault.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:23:32

I was the stupid idiot who put myself in that situation in the first place.
There is no way if I had been sober I would have consented. I have patchy recall of the whole event.
Just wish I could turn back the clock. But I can't and now I've got to live with what happened.

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:32:02

Have you any idea if you used a condom?

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:33:01

I don't think so buzzard.

ihatethecold Sun 10-Apr-16 17:34:23

I think a lot of people make mistakes but I think most do it if they are not happy in their relationship.
Do you want to stay with your DP?

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:35:10

I'm a successful relatively normal mum. How did I get myself into such a mess?? And why do I feel nothing, just numb?

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:35:33

Then I think the first thing you need to do is be practical. Get the MAP, get a health check. Do not sleep with anyone else until you know you are clear.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:36:24

Maybe being stupid but MAP? What is that? Is it an sti screen?

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:36:34

I'd imagine you feel nothing because you are hung over like a bastard.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:37:15

Yes absolutely feel like I've been poisoned

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:37:20

MAP= Morning After Pill.

Minime85 Sun 10-Apr-16 17:38:08

You need to go and get checked out at sexual health clinic for a start. If you feel numb that is worrying and you say the relationship has other issues, was this a cry for help action then? Do you need to talk to someone about the issues in your relationship? How are things with you and DP now?

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Apr-16 17:38:13

Was he ignoring you because you were drunk or were you drinking because he was ignoring you?

Do you drink excessively regularly?

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:38:13

Was he as drunk as you? It's weird that he could still perform.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:38:34

Ahh I've got the coil so don't need the pill

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:39:49

Oh ok, just get the checks done then OK?

You are not the first, I would imaging to do this. Is this the end of the relationship do you think?

ALaughAMinute Sun 10-Apr-16 17:41:29

I think you should get an STD test to put your mind at rest and then try and put the experience behind you.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:42:21

Mini - I have financial problems and my DP is a spendthrift bordering on cocklodger. I did not want to go out last night as it is a waste of money. And he owes me over £200 just for this month alone. He was unemployed for 6 months and I supported him. He lives in a dream world wants foreign holidays etc. I just want to make a month end without an overdraft,
After being very pissed off he has been fine with me this morning. And now has gone out for the afternoon/evening with his hobby.

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:43:47

Last night was just a symptom of your dying relationship then?

TheRealBarenziah Sun 10-Apr-16 17:45:42

Okay, but you will still need an STI screen further down the line, and you shouldn't have sex with your partner until you've had the all-clear.

Don't be too hard on yourself - you made it clear you didn't want anything to happen, but were drunk and he had sex with you anyway. At the most charitable interpretation, this "friend" of yours has taken advantage of your intoxicated state. And if you were too drunk to consent, it was rape. I realise that you may not want to use the word "rape" or think of it like that, but at the very least, you need to try and show yourself some kindness.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:46:55

Imperial - he ran into his exwife and her new partner and basically just spoke to them. Didn't include e in the conversation at all. Just kept buying me drinks! Left me talking to his exwife's male friend. Who was propositioning me and I felt really uncomfortable.

I dont normally drink excessively and when I do then I get really really drunk. I didn't intend on that happening and I'm not sure how I went from tipsy to massively drunk so quickly. But I did.

Ohboywhathaveidone Sun 10-Apr-16 17:48:15

Buzzard no I don't think he was as drunk as me at all. There were no issues with his erection. Unfortunately.

Buzzardbird Sun 10-Apr-16 17:49:38

In that case, it doesn't sound very consensual. Do you feel like you have been taken advantage of?

Flanks Sun 10-Apr-16 17:50:06

So if a man did this, with these reasons it is a 'script'.

If a woman does it she is too drunk to consent and it is understandable because the relationship is poor?

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