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Put off sex by loud flatulence

(33 Posts)
FlopintheEvening Sun 10-Apr-16 04:05:21

More of an AIBU, but I was worried maybe TMI for the folks there.

So, DW and I have been married for over a decade and have children, all school-age. I work FT, DW PT approaching FT and so that plus chores means were are both very busy. The kids are typically all in bed by 8 - 8:30, by which time one or both of us is generally pretty exhausted.

As you can guess, our sex life has become intermittent, but every now and again DW will say, how about a shag? The problem is that while I like the idea in theory, I'm too tired by the end of the day to have much desire. Sometimes there's a little bit though, which brings me to the issue.

When the kids are in bed, DW will typically settle herself in front of the computer for half an hour to an hour in her dressing gown and and




let off a whole series of farts, typically at five-minute intervals. Really loud ones - there isn't actually anywhere to go in our rather small house to avoid the noise.

And unfortunately they really kill what desire I have stone dead. I just can't ignore them. They just puts all idea of sex out of my mind and I end up having an early night because I'm tired, or settling into a book instead.

I have said to DW a number of times that the farting is a bit of a passion-killer, but she says she can't help it - they just creep up on her. I personally don't think this is actually true, as she isn't given to loud farting in public. I don't bother mentioning it any more as I've spoken my mind on it enough times. Although she asks for sex far more often than I do, she doesn't seem to mind if nothing results. She also only ever asks. I don't know if this is because she doesn't want to pressurise me or because she actually doesn't mind that much.

I would be grateful to know if people think my reaction is fair or not, as it will help me rationalise this one way or another.

FreeProteinFromTheSky Sun 10-Apr-16 05:03:59

It would take more than me farting like a dray horse to put Mr Protein off a shag. grin
If I was put off wanting sex because of him farting , we would never have it, he is a trumpet arse that could win prizes. We both have a puerile and infantile sense of humour though so that probably doesn't help.
I think YANBU. You feel the way you feel but she also has the right to fart in her own home. She is BU to expect to get a shag afterwards though as you have told her how you feel and yet she continues. I don't see sex and farting as mutually exclusive though so my opinion is valueless but what I have put may lend perspective.

Nobodyspecialanymore Sun 10-Apr-16 06:28:13

People get put off by whatever they get put off by. If you have approached her honestly and kindly, and she doesn't try and get medical help or at least try to go round the corner to do it, then she can't complain really.

SnoogyWoo Sun 10-Apr-16 06:35:11

She needs to change her diet.

onehellofaride Sun 10-Apr-16 06:46:21

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, DH would be put off if I did that and likewise (we're not talking occasional). Unfortunately if you have raised it with her I'm not sure what else you can do. Sorry not helpful I know.

peggyundercrackers Sun 10-Apr-16 07:05:01

Maybe she can play a tune for you - Would that lighten the mood?

ScoutandAtticus Sun 10-Apr-16 08:33:01

Perhaps shes doing it put you off.

Iggly Sun 10-Apr-16 08:38:33

That's disgusting. And would put me off!

Is this a new thing? How long has she been doing it for?

Ledkr Sun 10-Apr-16 08:41:19

Im Such s child but I'm chuckling at your description.

Actually I think it is rather unattractive but im guessing she wouldn't do it if she was in a nice restaurant/bar, chatting and having fun, or even at the kitchen table with a nice meal and wine.
Id say bring some fun back and the sex will revive and the farting might stop or at least not be such an issue.

Eminado Sun 10-Apr-16 08:42:53

Not sure what to suggest.

This would put me off completely though!

bakeoffcake Sun 10-Apr-16 08:45:53

I think it's a cunning plan to put you off.

Anyway she really needs to change her diet.

claraschu Sun 10-Apr-16 08:46:37

The thing is that if you desperately hold farts in all day when you are at work, the gas builds up and it has to get out. It is actually extremely painful. You can't just hold it in for ever, nor can you go to the loo and release it in an organised fashion; that's not how farts work.

Of course it is unattractive, but it is also very unpleasant to be in pain from trapped wind.

imwithspud Sun 10-Apr-16 08:55:36

I must admit this made megrin I'd imagine she will have been holding it in all day and it's probably uncomfortable for her. I'm not sure what to suggest really. Both me and dp fart in front of each other and it's not put either of us off. Not sure what to suggest really, you've spoken to her about it. Sorry not helpful.

AlisonWunderland Sun 10-Apr-16 09:02:09

I suffer dreadfully from bum wind and when alone could easily outplay a brass band!
I admit to really enjoying the release.

Do I fart loudly in front of my DH?

BastardGoDarkly Sun 10-Apr-16 09:07:58

It sounds like you've gone off her anyway, and this is annoying you twice as much.

Do you have sexual urges at all? As in, masturbating, is it just got DW you don't fancy it with?

I think it's important you're honest with yourself, because, although you've every right to find it a turn off, you don't really want to sleep with her anyway do you?

donajimena Sun 10-Apr-16 09:19:11

I know its no laughing matter for you but your OP is hilarious..
Your right. It is disgusting. I wouldn't want to shag my partner if he did that. Vice versa.
I'm with Alison on this. Nothing beats a good break of ones wind. In front of my partner? Never.
As bastard says have you gone off her? Or is it just the wind? I love my partner and fancy him rotten but I think if his bottom was rotten I would lose all desire too no matter how lovely he is.

FlopintheEvening Sun 10-Apr-16 09:21:25

Thanks everyone for the replies.

No it's not a new thing, but it ebbs and flows, if that's the right expression. We all eat the same food, but only DW has the loud farting. Of course I fart too, but I do it silently when no one's around.

I'd be surprised if she was trying to put me off, as she is generally the one who suggests sex. However, she really genuinely doesn't seem to care that much.

Bastard (& Donaj whose reply I've just seen)

Your first question is easy to answer, yes I do, and I do (see to myself from time to time). The last question is harder to answer: yes I do want to sleep with her, but I can't summon up the lust very easily. Our routine has tended to involve me doing things to her, which to be honest tends to be a drag for me when I'm so tired. I've tried to switch things around, but she doesn't seem to have the enthusiasm.

FWIW: neither of us have any health issues. In fact we're both in extremely good health good diet, play sport etc.

donajimena Sun 10-Apr-16 09:27:42

Hmm.. your 'routine' doesn't sound healthy. Maybe calling it a drag isn't the best turn of phrase but it should definitely be a two way street and it sounds like a rut, combined with the wind isn't yielding a healthy happy sex life.
You really do have to talk to her. Do you find discussing this with her difficult?

TheWildRumpyPumpus Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:49

DH lets rip with his farts anytime and anywhere - he has zero shame and I find it really unappealing. He's got both sons doing it too now, even though I've told them it's courteous to leave the room if you KNOW one is coming.

We had a babysitter last week to meet the boys, as we played a board game DH unleashed a hellish one and both boys started shouting that it was him - it's the only time I've ever seen him look embarrassed as the babysitter chuckled at him.

Ledkr Sun 10-Apr-16 09:35:20

I agree farting is a turn off but quicjly forgotten if you are still in love.

Id look further than the trumping if I were you and see if you can revive the relationshup as a whole, not just the sex.
We have young kids and hideously busy jobs but still do stuff together, go out, watch movies, piss ourselves laughing, talk for hours and because of that the sex drive takes care of itself.

HandyWoman Sun 10-Apr-16 09:36:58

Hmm by mentioning the word 'drag' you've given the game away. Sounds like you've been in a rut with your sex life anyway. And now farting is just the nail in the coffin. You are focusing on her flatulence because them that means the focus is on her.

I would focus a bit less on the farting and more on the bigger picture. As in - what both of you can do to fix this.

ExpandingRoundTheMiddle Sun 10-Apr-16 09:37:37

I read the title and thought the flatulence was happening duribg the sex. That would put me off tbh. Beforehand, not so much.

BastardGoDarkly Sun 10-Apr-16 10:49:56

OK, so she's selfish in bed as well as letting rip in her dressing gown.

You need to tell her just how serious this is, it's much harder to turn things back around the longer it goes on.

Good luck op.

crazycatdad Sun 10-Apr-16 11:06:19

Sorry, can't help, DW and I are unashamed trumpeteers.

Ledkr Sun 10-Apr-16 11:15:01

OK, so she's selfish in bed as well as letting rip in her dressing gown

That is very funny bastard

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