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Why would he do this to me?

(26 Posts)
EverythingHurtsImLost Sat 09-Apr-16 22:19:20

I have a very serious life affecting disorder that means I am in a lot of pain all of the time. I've tried a lot of medication and my latest batch hasn't worked so my gp referred me back to my specialist.

My husband insisted on coming to the appointment with me, which I shouldn't have let him but I did. I'm an idiot. He sat in the appointment and told the specialist I've been non compliant with my meds, that I'm fabricating symptoms, that it's nothing like how I describe

I got given short shrift. Told no change of medication and discharged there and then. I'm in agony. I physically struggle to move round my home let alone move house.

Why would someone do that to a person?

Mishaps Sat 09-Apr-16 22:20:55

Give him the boot.

EverythingHurtsImLost Sat 09-Apr-16 22:22:17

His name is on the tenancy so it's not that easy

DoreenLethal Sat 09-Apr-16 22:23:27

Because he is a cunt.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sat 09-Apr-16 22:24:45

The answer to your question is easy. You'd only do it if you were a particularly nasty person, and you wanted to cause someone considerable pain and suffering.

The answer to the next question is easy too - leave him. There's no way that you can stay with someone who is not only trying to make your life hell and ensuring that you're suffering, but has just put in a serious amount of effort to ensure that you'll struggle to fix it. It'll be recorded that he's said your non compliant. You can explain what's happened and they'll add that on, but it's a lot of extra work to remove what shouldn't have happened anyway.

You absolutely can't stay with him. No matter what.

Therealloislane Sat 09-Apr-16 22:26:39

Aw sad

Have you been taking your meds properly?

Hope you get sorted soon.

I agree with a previous poster - give him short shrift!

EverythingHurtsImLost Sat 09-Apr-16 22:27:49

Of course I've taken them properly!

How the bloody hell do I leave when even getting around my home is difficult?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sat 09-Apr-16 22:27:56

Why do you think he said /did that?

Is that the first time?

EverythingHurtsImLost Sat 09-Apr-16 22:30:49

I have no idea. He's don't it to lesser degrees with family and friends over the years. I'll be telling people about x and he'll jump in with "that didn't happen" or "it wasn't like that"

He misremembers arguments. He always forgets appointments we've agreed. But I don't know how much is him and how much is me misremembering because my medication is strong.

It's never really been something that's directly affected, or bothered, me until now though.

SmokyJoJo Sat 09-Apr-16 22:31:33

Go back to see your GP without him OP, & explain what's really going on. What else is going on here? Has your partner done similar stuff before?

gamerchick Sat 09-Apr-16 22:33:12

Have you asked him that question?

Helenwiththebigmelons Sat 09-Apr-16 22:35:08

Second of all, report in writing that he was speaking bollocks to the health professionals - make it clear that none of it was true and your personal relationship with him wasn't healthy or loving. Make sure it's in writing and on record.

Firstly though, leave him/give him the boot. What a nasty piece of work.

Birdsgottafly Sat 09-Apr-16 22:49:46

I agree with going to your GP and explain exactly what is going on.

The GP may be able to sign post you to where you can get help, with everything, including housing.

A complaint via PALS, may be suggested, as you should have been helped by the consultant to put your point across. They are supposed to be looking for signs of abuse, in all vulnerable people.

There is help and support out there, which you need to access before the abuse escalates.

Dontlaugh Sat 09-Apr-16 23:01:54

I am sorry you are in this situation, OP.
I have a few queries, you don't have to answer them.
WHY shouldn't you have allowed your partner to attend the specialist appt? Has he prior history in this respect?
If you "misremember" and your "medication is strong" as you've said above, how are your meds being managed currently? Who is tracking them, recording them and making sure you have taken them?
I am at total loss why a specialist would take your husband's word over yours in a medical appointment.
Have your symptoms improved recently? Has your medication changed? What could have led to this?
Would you consider a repeat appointment without your partner, outlining your health concerns?

haveacupoftea Sat 09-Apr-16 23:18:27


He is an evil man.

Ring womens aid.

Marchate Sat 09-Apr-16 23:23:42

He is gaslighting you. He is emotionally abusive

First priority, contact the specialist (or their office) and explain what happened. Tell them you need help to attend appointments without your partner

As soon as you can, phone Women's Aid. They will be able to advise you

Please look after yourself

NotnowNigel Sat 09-Apr-16 23:26:06

Do you know about emotional abuse OP?

Because someone who is supposed to love you going out of their way to cause you pain and suffering, 'misremebering' (aka gaslighting) and insisting his perception of events trumps yours all sounds like ea.

I too would like to know why you knew you should not have let him come to the appointment with you?

I suspect it is because you don't trust him to support you - in fact you know he'll take great pleasure in attacking you at your most vulnerable - also another ea classic.

It's a'' about power and control - over you.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 09-Apr-16 23:43:57

Why would someone do that to a person?

The question has to be why did you let him do that to you? Did you not tell the specialist that your h was talking bollocks, that you have been taking your meds as prescribed, and that your symptoms are exactly as you describe them?

Make an appointment with your GP, explain what took place, and ask him/her to write to the specialist who should have directed any questions s/he had about your condition to you alone and should have asked your h to leave if he was talking over you.

Your h's behaviour with the specialist was controlling in the extreme. How dare he do that! Find your nearest Women's Aid service here and give them a call on Monday

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Sat 09-Apr-16 23:52:18

What sickens me the most is that the doctor decided to believe him and treat you, the actual patient, so badly.

Rainbowlou1 Sun 10-Apr-16 00:38:14

This makes me so angry on your behalf...when I worked for WA we worked tirelessly training health professionals in signs to watch out for regarding DV etc and what you husband did would/should have been a huge red flag.
Please, please Go back and see the GP (another one!) alone and explain what happened. Xx

SolidGoldBrass Sun 10-Apr-16 01:38:31

You definitely need to seek help and advice: you have a right to refuse to have your partner involved in your medical care. Unfortunately, there are still enough doctors who can be fooled by a 'caring' partner who is an abusive liar. Contact WA for help in the first place, and get support to get rid of this man. You may very well find that your health improves once he is gone.

EverythingHurtsImLost Sun 10-Apr-16 11:30:03

Thank you all. I'll get in contact with my GP and have a look into women's aid. I want to get out but it feels like he's doing all he can to stop me getting out

cozietoesie Sun 10-Apr-16 11:47:55

It sounds as if he's enjoying himself setting you up and controlling you - and has been for some time.

Good luck.

Crinkle77 Sun 10-Apr-16 19:10:14

He doesn't 'misremember' things or 'forget' appointments. He is doing it deliberately to control you and make you doubt yourself. Do you have any family who can take you in for now?

Kintan Sun 10-Apr-16 23:10:34

Put in a complaint about the GP too, how could they disregard what you the actual patient was saying!?!

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