Practicalities of Leaving your Husband?

[KittyCheshire]

I think i'm done, i'm not 100% decided, but its looking likely.

We've been together 15yrs next month, and he is quite a bit older than me, we met when i was 20, and now i'm in my mid 30s, we just don't gel any more... I've changed too much, and so has he, and not for the better.

He's turned into a horrible, grumpy old man. I don't agree with his politics, his opinion on the refugees, or europe. He's horrible to pretty much everyone, and is making it more and more clear he doesn't like my family, to the point i can't mention them without having to listen to an hour long diatribe about his opinion on them, how they live their lives, how he disagrees with the choices they make, and how much he dislikes me spending time with them.

Quite frankly, if we met now, i wouldn't even give him a second glance, i don't fancy him, i don't want to sleep with him. I find his attitude towards me as a person, disrespectful. I feel controlled, everything has to be his way or no way. We bicker constantly. He is so shouty, he can't have a civil conversation with any one.

We did split briefly before, but tried again after councilling, and after another 5yrs i have had enough of going over the same arguments, feeling like i can't be me and constantly walking on eggshells because i haven't done something he expects me to do. That split was quite acrimonious and he ended up locking me out of the house to stop me taking anything else. (i didnt take anything that wasn't mine or the kids)

Money isn't an issue, i have about £5k left from an inheritance thats sitting in a relatives bank account, and access to more on an interest free loan (money off my mom who's 100% behind me) i'm not going to disappear in the next week, this is a long 'get out' game that i want to plan properly.

Its the practicalities of doing it that i'm stressing about.

How to deal with mine and the kids belongings. I don't want this house, or anything in it other than clothes, personal effects...etc.

DS is disabled and only just been awarded an EHCP, i dont want to move schools, but if i have to, how do i arrange it?

So, how do i do this as painlessly as possible for everyone. I don't want to fall out with him, and i'd like to keep it amicable, but i don't want to be married to him for much longer either!

[NotnowNigel]

Would you prefer to leave while he's not there? Does he go out for the day or could you arrange it that he does? If so could you get family/friends round to help pack up and move in one day?

You could start by sorting stuff out now. Clear out old toys/clothes and charity shop them. Could you move some kitchen stuff to your mum's - would he notice? Pack some ornaments away because you 'fancy a change'?

Otherwise, it's as simple as find a house to rent and put a deposit, down, move in. If you move too far for dc's schools then you will need to ring the head(s) of the school(s) in the new area to arrange places for your dc. (you could check if there are spaces before you rent the house).

You say you don't want the house, but if it's owned then you will entitled to half - and you will have the dc to provide for so you really should get everything you can for their sake.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Your h had no right to lock you out of the marital home and, should he do so again, you have every right to call a locksmith and/or break into the property.

Are your joint names on the mortgage/tenancy agreement and how old are your dc?

[Madrads]

Have you spoken to your GP? Are there grounds here for domestic abuse? Sounds like you have been suffer from psychological abuse.