Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

can you ever get the spark back?

(6 Posts)
thefutureisbleakithink Sat 09-Apr-16 12:59:37

Where to start. Married for nearly 17yrs, 3 dc from 12-16. Been together since school so 23yrs - first proper boyfriend/girlfriend for either of us. My Dh has always suffered from anxiety & depression to a greater or lesser genre. Some weeks & months were good, others awful. Over the years he recognised this and tried to "help himself" as couldn't talk to GP and didn't believe meds would work. However, obviously I have become less tolerant over the years (& less communicative) and gave him an ultimatum a few months ago - either see GP or we were over. He did and was started on meds 6 wks ago. He had been calmer & happier for quite a while anyway but I do notice a difference since he started the ad's. It's nice to be around him.

But, we talked the other night & he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore - to be fair I'm not sure either. We do love each other. We both think it feels like we are 2 adults house sharing as opposed to a couple. He thinks we can't get back to how we were, I'm not so sure. I had thought I was done but now I'm so confused.
We live very rurally, so no scope for him or me to move out to give us some breathing room which is a shame as think we'd both benefit from that.

So, that's the short story - what can we do to rekindle our relationship, should we even bother? Life has been so shite over the last 17yrs (no money, sick dc for about 7yrs, his mental health issues, massive debt) is it any wonder our relationship has suffered? Honestly my heads a mess.

thefutureisbleakithink Sat 09-Apr-16 13:00:10

Degree not genre!!

crazycatdad Sat 09-Apr-16 13:14:08

I don't think it's a surprise that your relationship has suffered. I think it's a good sign that you are talking about it. Keep the dialogue going and see if you can figure out where you'd both like to go from here. Do you want to stay together? Does he? If so, take it easy and don't force it. Spend time together, go for a walk, whatever.

If he is getting the treatment he needs and is seeming better as a result, and you're both still feeling amicable toward each other, then it sounds to me like something you can both work through, if that's what you want to do.

TheVeganVagina Sat 09-Apr-16 13:22:33

I believe you can get the spark back. My suggestions are:
Go away for a weekend together alone, minimum. A week would be better. Dont think that you cannot afford it, you cant afford not to. You need to reconnect as a couple.
Have sex! Lots of sex! Experiment etc.
Also think back to when you were first together, remember whar you found attractive in him.
You need to invest time into a marriage to keep it alive. Good luck.

TheNaze73 Sat 09-Apr-16 13:40:01

Vegan is spot on. Copious amounts of sex, try new things and fantasies & have a long weekend away to start with. You can get it back

thefutureisbleakithink Sat 09-Apr-16 14:13:05

Thank you, thought I might be mad to think it's possible. I suppose we both need to want to try though.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now