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How do you handle STBXH's??

(1 Post)
Winniethewylde Fri 08-Apr-16 21:42:00

So I think I'm failing miserably on it all so far. We're still living together, which I know isn't helping but I'm at a loss on how to handle it all and don't know if I'm coming at it all wrong so I'd appreciate some advice please?

We live separate lives as as much is possible, decree nisi due in a couple of weeks and in the middle of mediation with trying to sort financial situation. So far it's been amicable. Ish. I was hoping to keep it that way for the dcs sake. We don't speak once the kids have gone to bed but I'm fine with that. We do every other week with the dcs and are starting to split school holidays on advice of the mediator, he's supposedly working on contact in the week but he's not taking that seriously at the moment at obviously we are still in the same house which is frustrating.

Anyway, my question really is about how flexible you are about swapping and changing contact around? H has a habit of being completely unreliable when it comes to the dcs and seems to think it's ok if I'm in on my weekend off for him to go out (he's always viewed me as the default babysitter anyway) or to be home really late on a Friday when it's his weekend with them meaning I end up putting them to bed and I can't do anything until he's home or can't at all as its really late etc. I want to get this straight and make it clear that he can't do that and he needs to start being around properly when it's his weekend with them.

Another thing is, about a month ago I asked him whether he'd mind, as a one off as its a big family occasion, whether he'd mind if I went out this Saturday night (it's my weekend with the dcs) and whether he could look after the dcs which he agreed too. I made it clear it was a one off. Now it turns out he's forgotten about our arrangement and that he's going out for a mates birthday, I told him he'll have to cancel as this was arranged weeks ago but he just said oh it's ok my parents will babysit. I don't think this is on at all. Or am I being completely unreasonable on this?

This is all so new to me so I don't know if my expectations are too high but I am so pissed off with him and his attitude. It's all making me feel ill. I hope someone has some words of wisdom for me please.

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