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Feeling a bit overwhelmed

(15 Posts)
Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 21:14:30

Just feel a bit lonely tonight and would appreciate some friendly words. I'm a single parent to 3 dc. I do have a lovely dp but we don't live together. My dcs father doesn't pay maintenance (self employed). He is currently living in a cramped two bed flat with his girlfriend and her two children. He's just told me that she's pregnant. He doesn't seem to be able to support the children he has already.
I'm exhausted. Working full-time and doing extra work some evenings. My tax credits have just been reduced due to an overpayment.
I've had the dc all easter hol without a break. They keep fighting. Tonight is the first night they are at their dads.
I know lots of people have it worse but I just feel a bit sad tonight.

Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 21:34:12


HandyWoman Thu 07-Apr-16 21:50:25

Oh, OP, why have you had them all the hols? Does he see them regularly? Does he sometimes have them in the hols? Just thinking what a difference it would make if you had some TIME. For yourself....


Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 21:52:47

I'm a teacher and he just expects me to do all holidays. Including the full summer holiday. His flat is small and as his girlfriend's children are there he only usually has them every other weekend. I'm wondering if that will stop when the baby arrives. I'm shattered. And a bit teary/sorry for self.

HandyWoman Thu 07-Apr-16 21:55:03

Well you can adjust his expectations then???

If he's not paying maintenance he can't surely get away with seeing them so little too??

Try and get him to have time off with them in May half term?

dilys4trevor Thu 07-Apr-16 21:55:34

Hi Path. I feel for you. That sounds hard. Also have three DC and am now bringing them up alone as husband (who i had recently sent packing after discovering an affair) killed himself in Jan.

Often feel overwhelmed and floored and frightened by the huge responsibility of raising them alone. Money is not an issue however and I can only imagine how much harder that makes everything.

Tonight is a relatively upbeat night for me as I have plans for the next few days (with the kids, but also a night out!) and 'making plans' tends to energise me and keep me positive.

Do you have the next couple of days off? Can you make some plans to spend a bit of time with yourself and be good to yourself? Do you still have feelings for the ex or is it more his irresponsibility that irks?

dilys4trevor Thu 07-Apr-16 21:58:40

Sorry, I had misread. Apologies. Clearly you don't have feelings for the ex! Great you have a lovely DP. Have you told him how you feel and how shattered you are?

Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 21:58:50

Thanks handy I will ask him about May. Even one day would be amazing.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Dilys. That sounds so toughflowers
I don't have any feelings for my ex. I left him due to his gambling and general irresponsibility. I have a lovely boyfriend but we are only a year into our relationship and I don't want to unload on him too much.

cocochanel21 Thu 07-Apr-16 22:04:47

I was also a single parent,for the first 13years of dds life. I found it hard to cope sometimes and I only had one.
Does your ex have regular contact with the dcs?
Do you have any family near who could give you a break?
My dds dad never paid any maintenance and didn't have any contact with her.
Being a single parent is hard

Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 22:07:51

He has them every other weekend and he does, to his credit, have them for an hour after school most days so I can tutor (to earn extra money to cover the lack of maintenance). My family won't help. My mum is five mins away and I went round to see her today as I felt so lonely and she just said 'they're your children' when I said how hard it was.

HandyWoman Thu 07-Apr-16 22:11:39

I'm really sorry your mum is not supportive, OP. That's so tough. flowers

Your job is already full on and you need down time. Holidays can be relentless. How old are the dc?

Patheticfallacy Thu 07-Apr-16 22:13:46

They are 6, 8 and 10. I have this weekend off which is good and I will get to see dp for some of it. It just feels a bit relentless and I'm dreading the summer already. I feel like a bit of a failure as I wish I could provide a better life for the dc.

Angetrain Thu 07-Apr-16 23:15:55

First of all you are definitely not a failure, you are holding down a full time demanding job whilst bringing up 3 dc s ALONE! You deserve some support & kindness. That will come in time if you take some steps to improve your situation. Make big efforts to join local groups or communities....... You could start with streetlife , a forum where neighbors share info & advice. Try a church, you don't have to be a born again Church goer but churches always have groups who meet for various reasons.
I could go on but I think you get the picture....... Good luck & keep seeking help & support

HeddaGarbled Thu 07-Apr-16 23:20:28

Is there any way you can chase up the lack of maintenance? Is he avoiding paying it by under declaring his income? Can CMS help?

Patheticfallacy Fri 08-Apr-16 11:31:28

If I don't get anything this month I will chase it up. It's his first year self employed so he hasn't submitted a tax return yet.
I don't think I have time to join groups, realistically. I work full time and tutor evenings and on the weekends I don't have the dc I see my partner. It's the holidays that are most difficult and the financial strain.

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