Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Taken for granted/His time vs my time

(9 Posts)
daisygatsby Thu 07-Apr-16 14:39:01

I know there was a thread somewhere recently about having equal amounts time off for hobbies etc. My problem is my husband is studying part time for a degree and its consuming everything. We both work full time and have a two yr old DD and 6 yr old DS. Its a four year course and this is the third year. He has two nights a week in college and recently has been studying all weekend also. As such everything to do with the house or kids lands on my plate and im absolutely fed up to the back teeth of being taken for granted that not only will i look after the kids single handedly but will do all the chores that go along with raising kids and running a house.

im not living in my home country so dont have family to call in on, nor many friends i can drop in on unannounced for company.

He thinks I cant be pissed off at him for studying; thats fine , but I dont see why family should be the thing pushed to the bottom of the list. He has no appreciation of what im doing to enable him to be able to do that.

OurBlanche Thu 07-Apr-16 17:11:11

Having done much the same for DH I know how you feel, but you might just have to put up with it, the reward being his future prospects... or (like me) your own turn at 4 years at Uni.

But you should be able to talk about it and work out some small compromises that make it easier for you and more 'family time' for all of you.

Euphemia Thu 07-Apr-16 19:00:57

Will the degree lead to better employment prospects?

Does he have exams soon?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 07-Apr-16 19:49:37

Which are you more pissed off about: him giving too little attention to you and the DC, or him not pulling his weight with household management?

Did he pull his weight before the studying started? Is the lack of appreciation new? What happens on the nights he isn't at college?

venusandmars Thu 07-Apr-16 19:59:00

So who does he think is doing his share of the chores?

I did a Masters when dc were little, but before I started we agreed that we'd have 3.5 hours of housework and 1.5 hours of ironing

biscuitkumquat Thu 07-Apr-16 20:07:21

In my house we do housework dependant on who has the time, so we each get the same amount of "free time" every week. If my DH chooses to go the football with his free time, then that's up to him, and if I choose to sit in my PJ's watching Netflix, then that's my choice too, but we both end up doing about the same amount of housework & house management.

I would say that your DH's studying shouldn't come out of his free time, because you are a family unit, and, presumably, his studying is for the greater good.

RudeElf Thu 07-Apr-16 20:13:13

Well if he is in college two nights that gives him 3 other week nights plus weekend evenings to pull his weight with house stuff and kids.

Casmama Thu 07-Apr-16 20:18:24

Have you discussed this with him in the terms you have here?
Surely there is some compromise that can be reached- he does a bit more, you accept doing more than half as an investment in your joint future?

greentableux Thu 07-Apr-16 23:52:36

I'm also doing a part time degree (on track for a high First and aiming to turn my final year project into the beginnings of a research paper).

If it is anything like mine, the course itself and the uni itself should be providing him with study support and advice in terms of timetabling.

Also, something I (very consciously) did was to cut my hours so I could study obsessively and have a bit of a life (so now I'm part time).

Can you look at your budget/look for new jobs/less hours? Rent out a room or something? Two full time jobs and two littlies and a degree - no wonder there isn't enough time!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now