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Would you accept this ?!

(102 Posts)
Wheredoistandnow Thu 07-Apr-16 10:51:43

Yesterday my boyfriend went to get his children for an extra day as it is the holidays. He said he decided when he got there that he would just stay and mix in with his ex and the two children rather than picking them up and taking them out.
So they went off for a wander round their old town, had lunch then went back to hers for a few hours.

Would you accept that ?! It's not the first time that they have had a day out together this year either.

tornandhurt Thu 07-Apr-16 10:54:19

The way you have asked indicates that you are clearly not happy with this.

Personally, I wouldn't see it as an issue. They have children together, isn't it preferable for all concerned that they can be civil and parent together even though they're apart?

Wheredoistandnow Thu 07-Apr-16 10:56:39

Just unusual I feel!
More so because he was having an extra day with his children and why he needs her to join I don't know.

Yes they should be civil and it's good they get on but when does it become too friendly.

JapanNextYear Thu 07-Apr-16 10:59:26

I'm always in a bit of a minority on these kind of threads, I think the more the exes can get on the better for the sake of the kids. It's nice they can go and do stuff together. Get on with your own life and have fun when you do see your boyfriend.

If you don't like it then him and this relationship won't suit you and you can find someone who doesn't have kids or has a different relationship with them.

bloodyteenagers Thu 07-Apr-16 10:59:57

Maybe it was something the children wanted to do. After all it's also about what they want.

Sounds like they had a nice time.
If they had come back to you what would they have done, aside from the car ride.

Wheredoistandnow Thu 07-Apr-16 11:06:53

The children are only small and wouldn't ask for that.

I am the ow - it's been over a year now and I've not met the children.

I was wondering if he was just wanting to go back to what he left.

Lweji Thu 07-Apr-16 11:09:11

So, he cheated on his wife with you?

I suppose you have good reason not to trust him, then.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Thu 07-Apr-16 11:09:57

Quite feasibly.

They do sometimes realise what an absolute fuck up they've made. It's more about whether she would want him back.

Either way, I think you are better off out of it, for your own sake - as well as theirs.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 07-Apr-16 11:10:52

Your last post is interesting! You're still insecure because you were the OW and it's hardly surprising you aren't going to be welcomed into the kids' lives. Unless your partner is a total cunt he's probably being sensitive to his ex's feelings on the matter.
Maybe he does want to go back or maybe he just likes her company and enjoys feeling like being part of that family again for a bit.
My ex and I do lots of things together with ds. Nobody cheated though so it's not as emotional.

GlitteryFluff Thu 07-Apr-16 11:11:35

If you were the OW then you'll always be insecure - in that he cheated on his ex, you could be next. I doubt that'll ever go, even if he stopped seeing his ex, it'll be a work colleague, friend etc

I think it's good they can get along together for a day with the kids.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 07-Apr-16 11:13:24

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pippistrelle Thu 07-Apr-16 11:15:44

In general, I think it's admirable if divorced/separated parents can get on well enough to do activities together.

I am the ow

This is the root of your concern. You already know that he's not trustworthy. So, logically, you don't trust him.

pieceofpurplesky Thu 07-Apr-16 11:16:13

He made a mistake and is paying for it. He wants what he lost and if she offers an opening (in this case spend the day with them ) he will grab it.
Being a stereotypical Cheater he is keeping you hanging in just in case.
Leave him to his family and if his wife wants him back let him go.

TheBakeryQueen Thu 07-Apr-16 11:17:16

I wouldn't accept a man capable of cheating on his wife (and young children) in the first place.
This is the natural consequence of getting involved with this type of man isn't it?
However, as this is the life you've chosen, you don't then have any right to dictate how he spends time with his children. You can either put up with it or move on.

Solasum Thu 07-Apr-16 11:17:46

Your DP and his ex are linked until death by their children. She will always be in the picture.

Wheredoistandnow Thu 07-Apr-16 11:41:27

Yes I understand that.
I just didn't understand why he was asking her along - well I assume it is him as she was rightly so very angry and bitter about it.

It's not usual for couples who split amicably let alone those who have been cheated on.

I understand that also he doesn't want to let me meet the children , he also doesn't want to meet my child yet after 16 months.

Lweji Thu 07-Apr-16 11:43:23

Does she even know he is still with you?

TheNaze73 Thu 07-Apr-16 11:52:05

He's done it to her & he can do it to you. A cheat is a cheat, full stop. I think the children are a red herring here, you're using them to mask your own insecurity. As Solasum says, they're linked for life. You either need to learn to live with it, get over your own insecurity or walk

cuntycowfacemonkey Thu 07-Apr-16 11:53:01

I would say he doesn't see you as a permanent fixture in his life to be honest. He doesn't want you around his kids and doesn't want to meet yours. I don't know that he particularly wants to get back with his wife but it sounds like you're just the cheap shag and bit of company he needs while he gets used to being single again. There's no future in it so I would try and claw back a few shreds of dignity and call it a day. Sounds like he's making a fool out of two women.

bloodyteenagers Thu 07-Apr-16 12:07:55

I would let him go back to his wife and family.
He asked her along because he misses them and is remorseful.

Did you always know about his wife? Even when he was still there?

Lweji Thu 07-Apr-16 12:12:49

Did he leave her or did she find out?

AliceInUnderpants Thu 07-Apr-16 12:17:07

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WellErrr Thu 07-Apr-16 12:19:32

It was probably lovely for the children.

I am the ow - it's been over a year now and I've not met the children.

This is the crux. He will almost certainly cheat on you sometime, no wonder you are paranoid.
But hey, that's karma for you.

Wheredoistandnow Thu 07-Apr-16 12:36:04

He left her was found out a few days after.
I knew he had a partner - we are coworkers.

LadyTrevelyan Thu 07-Apr-16 12:55:22

I see why you are uncomfortable.

You know him to be a practiced liar and cheat, which was exciting, fun and sexy while you were the conquest. Must be very unsettling.

The old saying "You reap what you sow" gives you the general idea.

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