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is this just a blip

(12 Posts)
Dinkiedoo Wed 06-Apr-16 10:11:28

We have been married for 8 years .We have had our ups and downs but at the moment Im really down from one thing or another but what concerns me is our relationship.
I dont want sex and hubby sulks when he doesnt get some but at the moment I am not even bothered about him sulking. Last weekend was horrible he hardly spoke to me so I just got on with odd jobs etc and ignored it. Sunday I was really miserable as it was an anniversary of a sad event and his attitude really bothered me . I spent the day on the couch under a blanket watching TV apart from making dinner I was just a slob.
He is getting on my nerves this week .....even his chewing is annoying me and I am relieved when he goes to work and have dreaded him coming home.
I cant talk to him about what is bothering me and I am hoping I will get over it.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Apr-16 10:42:17

Do you have kids together?
If so it will affect how people respond.

But, stonewalling is abusive behaviour.
I would imagine there are other things besides this and you have reached the point where you just don't care anymore.

It's no way to live, that is for sure.
Do you want this for the next 10-20-30 years of your life.

Time to really reflect on what is happening.
If you think he might be abusive in others ways then do read the Lundy Bancroft book - Why Does He Do That. It may help to shed some light on all of this and give you that lightbulb moment!

Dinkiedoo Wed 06-Apr-16 10:47:28

We dont have kids together but we have kids from previous relationships.
you are right that I need to reflect on whats going on . I dont put up with rubbish but I am down at present so have lost a bit of my rebelliousness I suppose. As you say maybe I just dont care anymore

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Apr-16 10:52:41

Kids make it a bit more difficult.
How old are the kids?
What is your living situation? Mortgage together or renting etc...?

Would he agree to counselling for himself?

0dfod Wed 06-Apr-16 10:53:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinkiedoo Wed 06-Apr-16 10:59:28

kids dont live with us as all grown up. We live in a house with a mortgage.
I think we may both need counselling if things done improve soon . I usually discuss things with him and we sort out problems out but at the moment I think we both in doldrums.
I dont think he is abusive .I know he loves me . I just hate sulkers (as I can be one myself ) I think we both stuck in a rut of work home work home . I need a holiday but we cant afford one just yet as there are things in the house that need repair asap .
Maybe its just the way I am feeling that is being projected at him ??

Savagebeauty Wed 06-Apr-16 11:03:26

Why don't you want sex? Is it sex with him or sex in general?

Dinkiedoo Wed 06-Apr-16 11:05:23

Im 56 and of a certain age...HRT hasnt helped. I just couldnt be bothered .Keanu could walk in naked and Id turn away !

Savagebeauty Wed 06-Apr-16 11:11:18

I understand.... I divorced last year and couldn't bear the thought of sex with ex for five years prior to that.
He was EA but I hadn't realised it.
However new partner is totally different!!!

TheNaze73 Wed 06-Apr-16 14:48:38

Counselling for me seems the only solution here, if you can't talk it through. Don't think this is a lost cause at all. Can see both sides here

goddessofsmallthings Wed 06-Apr-16 17:33:24

It sounds as if your hormones may have taken a dive.

Ask your GP to test your blood to determine your iron and ferritin, vitamin d and vitamin b levels, together with thyroid and liver functions. A fingerprick blood test can determine whether your hormone levels are deficient.

If you're told that the results are normal ask for a printout and post the figures on the General Heath board as what is regarded as being within 'normal' range in the UK would warrant treatment/supplements in many other parts of the developed world.

That said, you shoudn't have to maintain your "rebelliousness" in order to make your marriage tolerable to you and when you recover some of your former 'oomph' I suggest you make it clear to your h that your home is a sulk-free zone and, if either of you want to sulk, you do it elsewhere out of consideration for the other party.

Dinkiedoo Wed 06-Apr-16 18:25:15

Ive had all my bloods done recently . I am on thyroid tablets and levels ok as well as b12 iron etc.
Im well into menopause ...been on HRT for a couple of years.
Ive had a very stressful few years ...dad died... mum has dementia ...cats died..new job ..exams etc etc.
Hubby has been supportive and says whatever I want to do is ok with him as per my career . Im hopefully going to be made a manager soon ( have to do exam and interview first)
I think its all taking its toll at the moment . Im very self depreciating but if Im honest I have done well but always think I am a bit dim.He poo poo's that and tells me he is very proud.
I feel a bit mean sometimes but just cant help myself

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