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GP referral for counselling after DV break down in marriage. What the fuck do I say?

(18 Posts)
HoppingForward Tue 05-Apr-16 21:42:16

I filled in the form and "they" called today and arranged an hour pre counselling session on the phone for tomorrow.

Has anyone been through this before, I haven't a clue what to say.

"Hello, married to an abusive narc for 15 years, finally got him to leave, now here, broken, feeling sorry for him more than myself whilst also trying to support DC, work, family home, money...."

I don't have a clue who I am or what I'm doing, how do you tell a complete stranger that?

I'm fully aware that I have just told a forum of strangers exactly that but you don't count, you are MN smile

Toffeelatteplease Tue 05-Apr-16 21:47:23

"I don't have a clue who I am or what I'm doing, "
But having had 15 years of being told who Ali am and what I am doing I haven't a clue where to start working it out for myself

pocketsaviour Tue 05-Apr-16 21:51:49

I think they will probably guide you through what they need to know and this won't be a counselling session on the phone, it will be more to assess your needs and match you to the services that can help (including a counsellor for you and they may offer for your DDs but I think you're getting help from school with that?)

Are you worried you may get emotional, or are you worried about coming off emotionless? I tend to go into very factual mode with these things and then I worry that I sound like a hard-hearted robot. But they know that people have different methods of coping. They won't judge flowers

elephantoverthehill Tue 05-Apr-16 21:53:39

I am pleased (don't wish to be at all smug) that I have not been asked to do this, but I would imagine this is for screening to ensure you get the right care for you and your previous situation. I think they will ask the questions and you should reply as truthfully as you can. I don't think it will be in anyway like an AA meeting. Eg my name's ---- and I'm-------------. However I am surprised it is being done by phone rather than face to face, but that may be to help your confidence to be honest with someone without second guessing their reaction. Good luck and grab all the services on offer. You can always try but not buy.

elephantoverthehill Tue 05-Apr-16 22:11:25

Sorry I just reread my post back. What it should have said was I could have been..but I am pleased blush

Morasssassafras Tue 05-Apr-16 22:12:30

It'll be an assessment to see whether they can offer you online/telephone help, in person help or a face to face assessment, completely dependant on what services your local team have available, and what they feel will be most beneficial to you. In some (all?) areas you may have say in what direction to go (eg counselling or cbt).

As it's a complete stranger who you will never meet it should be relatively easy to open up to them about what has been happening and the effect it's had on you. They are trained professionals and have probably heard it all before.

Sit yourself down with a cup of tea, and a box of tissues if you have a tendency to cry, a few minutes before the time they said. It won't be as hard as you think.

HoppingForward Tue 05-Apr-16 22:34:24

Thank you

pocket I am very much a harsh sounding robot but inside I'm yelling please help me, I'm lost.

I just can't let the DC, work or him know that flowers

elephantoverthehill Tue 05-Apr-16 22:50:16

If you can find the proper channels at work know, if it is at all possible it can be one thing less to worry about. They might be able to understand why you are unable, at times, to perform as well as you normally do and allow you that bit of extra space.

HeddaGarbled Tue 05-Apr-16 23:23:01

You don't have to have a script or prepare what to say or anything. Let them lead and just respond as you are able to and want to. Do robot for this initial conversation if that's easiest for you. They will understand. It will be in the face to face counselling sessions that follow this initial phone conversation that you will need to try to really open up.

Just make sure that you do get the follow up counselling sessions so if there is any hint of "you are OK aren't you, you probably don't need counselling", be brave and honest and don't pretend.

FlicFlop Tue 05-Apr-16 23:27:40

I had one of these pre therapy sessions over the phone. The woman who called was a therapist and very gently guided me through some questions. Took about 50 minutes.

Joysmum Wed 06-Apr-16 01:07:18

They ask what they need to know, you answer honestly. If you're struggling to answer, be honest about that too.

They'll then tell you what their assessment is and whether they can help or will refer you to something else.

pocketsaviour Thu 07-Apr-16 19:45:37

I hope it went okay Hopping flowers

pointythings Thu 07-Apr-16 21:37:45

I hope it went well, Hopping.

I have had counselling (different issues but still) and went through one of these sessions. It was OK and the counselling itself was really, really helpful. I hope it's the same for you.

hurtandconfued2016 Thu 07-Apr-16 22:00:08

Hopping - I have just started councilling post breakup/baby and I can tell you its the best thing I have they have given me ways to deal with anxiety and panic attacks.
I actually find it so good just to speak to someone who is not involved in the situation.
It was the first time I had ever spoken to someone as deep as I did I found the woman very supportive. I was worried I would find her patronising but she wasn't at all!
Good luck your doing the right thing to get better! ♡

HoppingForward Thu 07-Apr-16 22:16:02

It did go well although it felt very clinical and form ticking and ended up with me feeling worse about it all.

There is a 9 week waiting list for any type of CBT/therapy 1:1, I did get sent a booklet in the post to read whilst I wait... She said I'm severely depressed with high anxiety.

I paid to see an alternative therapist yesterday (recommended by a friend) who wrapped me up in a blanket and played soothing music and meditation and it is soo unlike me it should be funny, but, I feel better in myself.

I feel like I can move on and think about the positives instead of the depressed side, I can let that all go and think about the future. I actually feel happy and have had a brilliant day. I got very anxious at work this afternoon but managed to sort myself out where before I would just dash of home. It's a good feeling.

HoppingForward Thu 07-Apr-16 22:17:04


pointythings Fri 08-Apr-16 07:48:57

CBT is not a cure all. If a different method works for you, go for it. However, you do need to talk in RL about your feelings, to prevent the doubts from returning. And keep an eye on that depression.

wallywobbles Fri 08-Apr-16 14:56:02

Honestly you can do quite a lot yourself. My psychiatrist gave me tons of homework to do. Books to read video to watch etc. it made it a much quicker process. Ask for recommendations. Do the freedom program IRL or start online. Start somewhere, pick and choose where to move onto from there.

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