Frind arranging then cancelling

[gandalf456]

I have a friend, well, more of a friendly acquaintance who suggests various things like drinks.and meeting up with the kids then keeps bailing at the last minute. I'm not overly bothered. I like her company and we get on but we're not great mates. I just find it odd to arrange stuff you have no intention of doing. I could sort of understand if I arranged and she cancelled because she didn't fancy it but why arrange yourself? ??

[Jan45]

Yeah off, unless you are a fall guy if she has nowt else on, tbh, I'd not bother if she is cancelling on you, not worth the hassle.

[gandalf456]

Hmmm. I'm just wondering if I should be busy forever. I don't let her arrange unless I know I have nothing else on but still

[TheNaze73]

Flakey people like that aren't worth your time or energy.

[britmodgirl]

Anxiety?

[TheoriginalLEM]

Brit, i was going to suggest the same thing - i often say i will attend events then my anxiety gets the better of me.

[gandalf456]

Hmmm. I wonder. She is quite extrovert and very chatty but sometimes there are hints of insecurity - especially surrounding her children. She does get anxious about doing the right thing by them and worry if they are going to run in the road and stuff when you can see that they are more aware than she thinks.

She recently arranged a drink then suddenly cancelled because her husband was off and they'd planned a day out the next day. Or she'll arrange something then say he is working late. A lot of it is around him. I don't know. Maybe he tells her to cancel? If it were my DH, I'd demand he came home on time if I had a prior arrangement unless it really couldn't be avoided - or I'd arrange to meet at a much later time in order not to let the friend down.

She is also a bit scatty and late for everything. I remember going for a drink with her and having a dentist appointment at 9am the next day and saying casually that she might cancel it now so maybe she is just more lackadaisical than I am about these things. It could just be a personality difference. Or perhaps she just doesn't fancy it after all?

She was texting me today about tomorrow but I have already arranged something so can't. I did say pop in this afternoon if at a loose end but, again, she ended up not doing that because she'd got chatting with someone, which I can well believe.

[winkywinkola]

Just don't arrange anything again. It's easy enough. You're casually dispensable to her. That is obvious.

Just quietly drop her. Don't commit or agree to any arrangements. Avoid calls. Or tell her outright. Your choice but it's not going to get any better with her.

Ultimately she thinks you don't matter and that any arrangements with you are not at all important.

[Cleo81]

Urgh this is so annoying. My neighbour was like this and I could never work it out. She would contact me to meet up, I would reply and then never hear back. Or she would suggest a date I would say yes and then that date would pass without any contact from her. I found it very strange and began to think she didn't like me but then why ask to meet up?

After the last time I never contacted her about meeting up again and would not commit to anything if she suggested it. We re not in contact now.

I think you need to stop contact with her. If she suggests meeting up again just say yes sound nice sometime soon without stating a day.

[gandalf456]

Good advice. Thanks. I suppose I have been a bit naive trying to fathom it out rather than saying it is what it is and moving on