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Advice wanted - Trail Separation is this the end?

(14 Posts)
MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 15:25:15

Hi,

Just looking for advice (from a women’s point of view - if possible) with anybody with experience with ‘trial separations’, as I'm at my wits end worrying that it’s the start to the end of our marriage.

We've been married for over seventeen years and three weeks my spouse suddenly declared that we have drifted apart and doesn't love me anymore.

As, you expect I didn't take this emotionally well initially and now I've moved out whilst my spouse ‘sorts her head out’ as she claims to be emotionally dry.

As of yet after three weeks, she hasn't made a decision to either to leave me for good or to continue with our marriage.

I'm getting all the usual signs that she doesn't want me (cold shoulder, hard to talk to etc.) and I've approached her if she was having an emotional affair, in which she flipped and broke down but refused that she was having an emotional affair. To be honest, I think she was more upset that I thought she would.

I will admit I'm at fault for taking her for granted and I make no excuses. But, I love her dearly and would like to save my marriage – not for selfish reasons, but to make it stronger than before and not to go back to my old ways.

Has anybody been through a trial separation and does it always lead to divorce?

Any advice for me would be welcomed.

Thank you in advance.

huskylover Tue 05-Apr-16 15:58:23

Why don't you write her a heartfelt letter, admitting any of your failings, and saying how you would be different, if she would let you try again. I only say this, because you admit that you've taken her for granted.

I haven't ever experienced a trial separation. I did leave my first H, and he told me I would regret it, but I haven't ever done so (now remarried).

A family member of mine, they separated (not labelled as a trial), however, they got back together 2 years later, and enjoyed a further 30 or so years together (until one died). So anything is possible.

But this is the time where what you say and do, are crucial. So yes, a letter would be good

Yipeekayee72 Tue 05-Apr-16 16:04:26

I find taking for granted often works both ways though.

If she is having an affair/emotional affair then there will be lots of work to do even if she wants to try.

You can't just forgive and forget and hope it goes away.

MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 16:06:08

I already written a letter to her explaining that I was at fault and asking to reconcile.

It wasn't a 'needy' letter either, just explaining to her that I recognised where I've gone wrong and I want to improve the marriage.

I got no response from her.

MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 16:06:38

Thanks Yipeekayee72 for responding so quickly...

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Tue 05-Apr-16 16:10:39

Give her time, get on with your own life and don't be clingy, she has to see you getting on and doing your own thing to see if she misses the man she fell for IYSWIM.

MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 16:36:01

Hi, thanks for the advice SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals - I guess I'll do that

LucySnow12 Tue 05-Apr-16 16:57:08

Are you sure there's no one else? Was she always texting? Possessive and secretive of her phone? Irritable and distant? Those are signs of an affair.

MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 17:15:20

LucySnow12 - hard to say at the moment. I'm still all over the place, maybe over time I may see some of the signs. I did give her the chance to come clean with judgement, but you just never know.

MrPudMan Tue 05-Apr-16 17:15:57

Without judgement even...

LucySnow12 Tue 05-Apr-16 17:28:12

Sorry but they never admit if they are having one. You might want to check out this site www.survivinginfidelity.com and read some of the stories posted there.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Fri 08-Apr-16 15:21:36

Pudman - I dnt believe you will ever get the truth, if she really wants you back she has to have Tim to truly understand what she has lost, personally I would find someone new, clean slate, you will spend the rest of your days looking for it to happen again, waiting. Another jolt if she really does want you is someone else showing an interest, that might make her realise..that's just my opinion though....

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Fri 08-Apr-16 15:23:01

Time not Tim (burgessgrin)

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Fri 08-Apr-16 15:24:09

An interest in you that is, epic fail post, much confused

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