About a year ago I was just getting back together with my ex after we had a bit of a break for a month. We were still sleeping together and telling eachother we loved eachother throughout but we just weren't official. We were together for a year before that happened but it wasn't a great one for me. I was sexually assaulted 2 months in (not by him) and became agoraphobic.
One night while we were both cuddled up together during our unofficial period I saw that he was tagged on Facebook with this girl I'd asked him about before (he told me during this time he didn't even want to think about seeing new people). Many lies later I found out they were together and had been for a month or so. More lies later and I find out they met at the start of the relationship (online but not met up) when I was assaulted and were best friends.
Of course I made him tell her that he was actually still with me and practically living here and that was that. Nothing had changed, we still weren't official as I was heartbroken and unsure. I ended up sleeping with a guy to even the score (I know..) but he meant nothing to me.
So it's a year later, my agoraphobia is almost gone and we have been official again for 6 months since he promised he'd be better and begged me to have him back. Thing is, he has been loads better, he's more loving, he said it all made him realise what he wants. I feel OK for weeks or even a month but then I get really down about it for days or weeks, I mean they were in love (although he tells me it wasn't really love even though he told her it was). I still think of them together everyday. She's prettier, younger, she's childless and a party girl. Was really hard knowing he was out having loads of fun with her while I couldn't leave the house. I'm paranoid about everything and wonder what else he's been keeping from me. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't make him tell her. My self esteem is destroyed, I hate what i see when I look in the mirror. It still hurts physically when I think about all of this. It should be a happy time for me as I'm getting over the assault, the agoraphobia and doing well in a course I started this year.
So my question is, will this go away? Can we have a happy life together or will I always have nightmares about them and still think about it everyday?
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Will it ever get better?
5 replies
Whattodo26 · 05/04/2016 11:22
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