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AIBU or is bastard Ex-H?

(102 Posts)
Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:15:34

Ex and I have 3 DC 5, 7 & 10.

We have been separated for 2 years.

So far we've had a fairly amicable arrangement re sale of house and custody of DC.

He has DC 3 nights a week.

I realised a month ago he should have been paying a lot more maintenance than he has been.

Since I pulled him up on it he has decided he wants 50/50 custody of DC even though he works full time.

He owes me £600 in unpaid maintenance and has so far refused to pay as I won't agree to 50/50 custody.

I am really struggling financially and have less than £100 in the bank. I need to get car insurance as it ran out a couple of days ago but can't as have no money to pay.

I have explained this to him, that I cannot use my car and he is still refusing to pay.

I left him after I had an emotional affair. He had emotionally abused DD for years (shouting at her, leaving her out) and had an alcohol problem. He assaulted me when he found out about the affair but was never charged as he denied it.

AliceInUnderpants Sun 03-Apr-16 23:17:44

Contact CMS and claim maintenance.

RubbleBubble00 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:18:06

have you asked him how 50:50 maintenance would look with him working?

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:19:24

I contacted CMS on Friday and they were great.

It turns out she should have been paying me a lot more anyway as he pretty much doubles his salary in overtime and bonuses.

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:20:10

He is going to get childcare from family members apparently...

JassyAlconleigh Sun 03-Apr-16 23:23:28

There seem to be several issues here:

Solicitors letter or CMS for the unpaid maintenance

Why wouldn't 50:50 work? It's not much more than 3 nights a week. What do the DC want (the older ones at least?)

Would that not free you up to work yourself and then not have to be so reliant on him for essentials?

How does your DD relate to him? How bad was the drinking? Is it safe for them to be with him for 3 nights a week?

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 03-Apr-16 23:29:23

I think any parent who only chooses to have their child more because of not needing to pay CM is a shit heel

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:29:53

I've always been a sahm, although I work part time now around DC.

DC want to keep arrangement as it is.

CMS can't backdate payments but I could take him to court.

He gets on a lot better with DD now.

It just feels this man who cannot even pay the minimum legal amount for his DC is now attempting to get 50/50 custody do he can pay even less...

He lives in a one bed flat.

RubbleBubble00 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:30:25

if he had 50:50, his payments would be automatically reduced by 50%. Would this be less than he is paying before you discovered he was paying too little?

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:31:37

Bloody hell by that much? Yes it would be a lot less.

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:32:32

I'm just getting really desperate over the money he owes know and wondering how I'm going to get DC to school....

RubbleBubble00 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:35:30

money advise service

How shared care affects child maintenance

Many parents decide to share the care of their children. If your children spend some time with the paying parent, this will reduce the amount of child maintenance he or she pays.

There are different ‘bands’ which determine how much child maintenance is reduced by. The amount of child maintenance is reduced for each child who spends time with the paying parent. If your child is with the paying parent between:

52 and 103 nights: child maintenance is reduced by 1/7th for each child
104 and 155 nights: child maintenance is reduced by 2/7th for each child
156 and 174 nights: child maintenance is reduced by 3/7th for each child
175 nights or more nights: child maintenance is reduced by 50%, plus an extra £7 a week reduction for each child

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:39:29

*Now not know

Jooli Sun 03-Apr-16 23:39:56

Ah Rubble it all becomes clear sad

RubbleBubble00 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:41:29

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/how-much-child-maintenance-should-i-pay#how-shared-care-affects-child-maintenance

RubbleBubble00 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:47:51

It's horrible to say but either you keep things as is with the money he's paying or you go for more maintenance, he pushes for 50:50 (one more night every other wk) and you get even less money.

ToutVraimentRidicule1 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:59:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DementedUnicorn Mon 04-Apr-16 00:02:18

shock Don't know how you could be any more brutal than that Tout even though I agree with you to an extent

NFmama Mon 04-Apr-16 00:02:25

Tout, you missed the part where he assaulted her. What is the justification for that?

RubbleBubble00 Mon 04-Apr-16 00:06:57

but ex only asked for 50:50 when op thought maintenance payments were too low and queried - little bit dodgy.

op do think it's a bit much asking ex to stump up £600 straight away, weekly/monthly installments would have been better

JassyAlconleigh Mon 04-Apr-16 00:09:38

If it's OK for him to have them 3 nights a week, I think you should consider 50:50
and increase your hours.

It's crazy not having the money for essentials.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 04-Apr-16 00:15:53

It's interesting how many people ignore shit like assult emotional abuse and alcohol issues on a thread about CM and split living

JassyAlconleigh Mon 04-Apr-16 00:18:31

I asked about the alcohol but assumed as it was ok for the DC to stay for three nights every week, that it was clearly not a danger in the OP's opinion.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 04-Apr-16 00:20:46

Or the op knows full well that the bar is set so high that she does not have much of a choice and has decided to be pragmatic about the situation in the knowledge that so far nobody that matters considers her to be a contact blocker

AugustaFinkNottle Mon 04-Apr-16 00:26:31

OP, are you sure he's been underpaying if he currently has the children three nights a week? According to that table it should be reduced by 3/7, assuming that translates to 156 nights a year.

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