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Please talk some sense into me?

(7 Posts)
Rubbishpseudonym Sun 03-Apr-16 15:59:09

Have namechanged for this.
I broke up with my ex about two and a half years ago; it was his idea. I was living with him at the time, and moved out after a month. I was absolutely heartbroken, completely devastated. We'd been together about 6 years. I'd had a marriage break up before this, but it had been nowhere as bad; I suppose my ex was the first person I'd ever loved, at the age of about 35. We had no children together.
Since then, I've had a longish relationship, about 18 months, and a few dates with different people too. Once again, I was sad when these broke up, but it was as nothing compared with the break up with my ex.
My ex has spent the last two and a half years dating different women, nothing serious. I know this because we still talk via text sometimes. I've always kind of hoped that he'd come to his senses and realise what he was missing, especially if I lost weight, got myself fit etc, which I have done. I know this is pretty delusional stuff, but I have issues around depression and rejection, BPD type stuff. This helped to contribute to the break down of the relationship between us.
I still dream about him, and think about him, a lot. I don't live far away from him either, which doesn't help: there's always the risk of bumping into him.
Last night, I found out that he was now in a stable relationship, with a proper girlfriend. I was devastated. I imagine this new GF as very successful, very stable, as providing something for him that I never possibly could. It's made me feel quite worthless.
I'm not angry with him, he's just getting on with his life. I'm angry at myself for still feeling like this nearly three years on. I've slipped back into depression about this, it just feels cyclical and inescapable. I've even considered having hypnotherapy to deal with this. I feel that I'll never love like this again, that life is pointless.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 03-Apr-16 16:33:18

"we still talk via text sometimes"
Who starts these talks? If he does then he's a bastard, keeping you hanging on as a fall-back. If you do, then yes, you do need to get a grip (sorry to be harsh, but you did ask us to talk some sense into you). Keeping in touch with him is stopping you from moving on.

Life is not pointless, unless you make it so. You need to stop holding a torch for this relationship, it is the past and you should be looking to your future, so a total break in contact would be a start. Delete his number and all points of contact.

You don't know anything about his GF, you're letting your imagination run riot. It wouldn't matter if she was Angelina Jolie or a 70-year old syphalitic harridan, nothing about her makes you worthless. Nothing.

Rubbishpseudonym Sun 03-Apr-16 16:50:26

Sometimes he messages me, sometimes I message him. Just friendly stuff really. I know I need to get a grip, I've tried NC before though. Still thought about him constantly.

Rubbishpseudonym Sun 03-Apr-16 16:57:14

Thanks for the straight talking. I'm aware it's what I need.

Artistic Sun 03-Apr-16 17:33:23

Being in contact never helps. The one that gets dumped & heartbroken never really 'moves on' and hence is better of staying away. Preferably out of sight completely.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 03-Apr-16 18:46:40

" I've tried NC before though."
What stopped it? What re-established contact?

Rubbishpseudonym Sun 03-Apr-16 20:58:15

I suppose we bumped into each other, and started talking again.

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