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Turning psycho. Boring rant. Soz

(10 Posts)
chanice Sun 03-Apr-16 03:50:46

I dont know whats wrong with me, seriously.
OH just started a new job after almost 7 years of not doing much and me being self employed from home. I have nagged him forever to get a stable job and he finally has.
He works everyday sometimes does double shifts 12-4pm then 5 -11.30pm. But most of the time does 5-11.30. He doesn't get home till gone past 12am though.
He just cant seem to get enough works and if always looking for more shifts to cover.
I'm at home most days with my 3 kids ( 1 year 5 year 6 year old) and missing him like crazy.
He doesn't phone or text me during the day and when i phone him he is always busy.
I'm feeling very lonely and like an attention seeking child.
I don't have an friends and tend to be at home refurbishing prams (my job) or just dealing with SAHM life. My family live far away and we haven't been close since i left home.
I feel like he is not taking time to be at home with the family and this is making me bitter and ungrateful. I have become very snappy asking him why doesnt he book a day off work? why doesnt he phone me? why doesnt he 'act' like he misses me?
I am coming to the conclusion that is just what life is like for a normal family when one person works fulltime out of the home.I dunno. Maybe its the change.
Just feel so lost and neglected right now.

pippistrelle Sun 03-Apr-16 08:46:52

It sounds like it's a big change in your circumstances, and it will take a bit of time to adjust. What he's doing is a really positive thing, so you need to try and get - and apply - some perspective, as it sounds like, currently, you're being pretty unfair to him.

It also sounds like you need to find some ways to broaden your own horizons and not be reliant on him for every single bit of social interaction. Maybe check out some local playground because a 1 year old is a perfect way to make new friends.

sooperdooper Sun 03-Apr-16 08:51:55

He's working to provide for your family, it's a positive thing and sorry but you sound quite needy. He's working, he doesn't have time to ring for a general chit chat in the day.

Like the poster above says, you need to find othee ways to fill your time and meet new people, it's not fair to make him feel guilty for working

pippistrelle Sun 03-Apr-16 08:55:28

Playgroups, not playground. Damn you, autocorrect.

PuellaEstCornelia Sun 03-Apr-16 10:04:44

You can't phone people at work for a chat, you really can't! That time belongs to his employer and it would have to be a pretty serious emergency before you can contact him!
6.5 hours seems like a short shift to me, although I would agree it's awkward shift times.
How long has he been back at work? In some companies you have to build the time up before you can take a day off. Most companies offer about 20 days per year - if he's taking a couple of weeks over the summer and a few days at Christmas that racks up, and he needs to keep a few days for emergencies, doctors/ dentist appointments etc.
Sorry, I understand it's a big change to what you have been used to, but surely it's better he's working?

freshprincess Sun 03-Apr-16 10:10:28

If he's working 5pm till midnight then you see him all day. If he was working in an office he might be home by 6 but you'd never see him during the day.
what kind of work does he do? Could be that he's not allowed to have his phone with him so he can't call for a chat.

mix56 Sun 03-Apr-16 10:20:27

After having him at home for years you have got used to another pair of hands & adult company. You nagged him to get a permanent job. He has. Hooray.
it is a big change, & it is often lonely being alone with small children all day. in terms of no adult exchange.
IMHO I think you are being needy & unfair, he is just working. it's how it is. maybe ask him to call or text for a chat once a day at lunchtime/break, say you miss him & make it flattering instead of nagging. however it sounds like you are jealous ?
But infact as said by pp, you see quite a lot of him in the day.

chanice Sun 03-Apr-16 22:31:58

Yeah you're right its just the change I reckon mostly, I also realise I am very dependent on him . (My family live far away and we don't chat much, I left home at 16.)
But when he is at home he is always in the work zone, sorting out shifts ect. He is a courier with two different companies, one has set shifts 5pm-11.30pm everyday with double shift on the weekend and the other one you can pick the shifts they post on wednesday or pick pick up/swap shifts with other colleagues whenever. He is trying to fill in any open hours he has with shifts from the second company.
Anyways ranting on here yesterday made me feel better and I know that I just need to detach myself and get a grip. Just needed another persons perspective.

sooperdooper Sun 03-Apr-16 22:58:33

On a positive note he sounds like he's working really hard and well done to him, it must be quite hard and tiring for him too after not working full time for so long, you should be proud of him really smile

Isetan Mon 04-Apr-16 08:19:49

This is about you not having much of a life outside of the home and only you can change that. It's not in your, or your relationships best interest, to be so emotionally dependant on your H.

As an independent courier your H probably doesn't have time to fart, let alone contact you during the day.

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