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What to expect at this stage of the 'relationship'...

(12 Posts)
blueberrymojito Sat 02-Apr-16 23:55:17

I've been seeing a lovely man for 3 months or so. Things have been going well and he does lovely things such as cooking me nice meals, something I've never had before, and we've enjoyed some lovely days and evenings out.

I've been single for three years and this new partner, who is in his early thirties, has never had a relationship until now. He's been on several dates before though.

Here's the problem. He never ever expresses how he feels about me or us. Never tells me he likes me, is looking forward to seeing me, is pleased he met me. Nothing! If I say it to him, he doesn't say it back, he almost seems to change the subject to avoid the conversation completely. Is this normal at this stage? I'm not one for declaring undying love this early on, and I'm not mushy myself, but something, any sort of positive feedback would be nice. We have great conversations and he's physically affectionate, but he almost talks to me as if I were a good friend. There's nothing 'cute' or 'coupley' about the way he talks to me.

Am I expecting too much? I'm starting to wonder if this isn't just because he's inexperienced in relationships, but why he's never managed to have one at all at his age. I've dropped subtle hints about how I feel to no avail.

Can anyone offer any insight?

SheHasAWildHeart Sun 03-Apr-16 01:29:15

Are you feeling any chemistry?
Who initiates the dates?

CrazyMary Sun 03-Apr-16 02:05:43

He's probably shy and doesn't know how to express himself, within a personal relationship or maybe he is being cautious about getting hurt. Talk to him.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 03-Apr-16 07:48:15

Are you sure that this is an intimate relationship and not just friends?

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 03-Apr-16 08:52:10

People express love in different ways. Maybe for him, time spent with you and kind actions are his way of expressing his feelings for you.

Also, I think the best relationships are the ones that have a true friendship as their basis.

Do you think it's your gut telling you that something is wrong, or do you think it's anxiety trying to find problems?

ohforfoxsake Sun 03-Apr-16 08:59:26

Three months is no time at all. Maybe after six think about having this conversation. Nothing wrong in him holding back until he is sure.

blueberrymojito Sun 03-Apr-16 09:45:28

When we are together it's intimate and he is physically affectionate.

We always see each other on set days a week, when I don't have my DD.

I'm assuming he's just shy like some of you have said, but it's pretty awkward when I say something and he changes the subject!

DoreenLethal Sun 03-Apr-16 09:51:13

I sat down with my OH after three months and we had a 'review' of how it was going, whether we were both serious, and if we wanted to both carry on. We did, and are still together 12 years later.

If I was you I'd do the same, and also discuss why he does this as it makes you feel like he isn't interested. Get to the bottom of it. Life is too short to waste.

blueberrymojito Sun 03-Apr-16 09:51:32

I feel there was so much chemistry at the beginning, but not so much now from where im standing. I thought by this point some feelings would have been expressed and I don't feel we can really connect as things are right now.

MunchieCrunchie Mon 04-Apr-16 12:30:40

I think sometimes, some guys don't put as much importance into verbally expressing themselves in a relationship, as some women put into their lack of expression.

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 04-Apr-16 12:33:05

Are you shagging him? I'd cut back on that. Must be pretty soul-destroying to be having sex with a man who is incapable of even saying, "I can't wait to see you."

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 04-Apr-16 12:33:47

PS He's not shy. If he were shy, he wouldn't even have asked you out! He's probably not wanting to lead you on by telling you fibs.

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