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Just wondering ....those of us ove 40 how did you meet your partner .

(18 Posts)
Tinkerbellx Sat 02-Apr-16 22:52:31

I'm just a curious and wondered how ladoes actually met their current partner esp if like me your starting over and > 40 .

I'm almost 3 years out of a 25 + year relationship . Now 45 .
I do have a friend ( he mostly lives abroad ) and as much I love him it's not the right time for both of us for various reasons .
Im just curious ... Like me many people are busy working and juggling life so OLD seems a great way to meet people .
However I'm just curious ... When you met ' the one ' was it through OLD or fave to face ?

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sat 02-Apr-16 23:50:02

I met my DP on POF 3 years ago. I'd met a few other guys before him, all nice and personable, but not 'the one'.

When I met DP I just knew he was special! in fact I accidentally blurted out that I loved him while drunk on our first date, which had started as a quick drink, turned into dinner, then more drinks, then... blush

I work at home and had no other way to meet men (other than potentially at my kids' school!) so it was OLD or nothing.

LucyLocketLostIt Sun 03-Apr-16 08:53:52

I'm curious about this as well.

contortionist Sun 03-Apr-16 08:55:35


StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sun 03-Apr-16 09:00:42

Yes, I'm curious too. I'm happily single at the moment and working on myself, but don't want to always be this way.

I have sociable hobbies, I have friends, I work. I know a fair few men, but they are married or gay or too old/young for me.

I only know one single man who is the same age as me and we aren't interested in each other in that way.

I've done OD before and, tbh, I'm not interested in going back to that for a number of reasons.

BG2015 Sun 03-Apr-16 09:28:47

I met my DP at the gym.

I had seen him on and we messaged briefly for a time, but I dismissed him as he was the same height as me.

Then I bumped into him at the gym and had a 5 minute conversation with him and realised I'd been a bit quick to judge him. He messaged me saying how nice it was to see me and how lovely I seemed wearing gym stuff, hair needed washing I messaged him back and we've been together 18 months.

And....I discovered I'm actually 2 inches shorter than I thought (always thought I was 5' 10", I'm not!) so he's taller than me grin

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Sun 03-Apr-16 09:36:27

I met my dp on Twitter. We chatted for months before meeting IRL. Been together for 4 years and have a ds 9 months. I'm 43 smile

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Apr-16 23:46:25

I met my girlfriend in a local pub, mainly over 40's pub, about 5 years ago, . Finally got it on 2 and a bit years ago. I'm in my 40's & she's in her 50's. It can happen. Good luck

MeMySonAndl Tue 05-Apr-16 00:01:46

Two long term relationships after divorce, both very good men and good healthy relationships, still in very good terms with the guys.

We met online, only place where I could meet anyone as I don't go out clubbing, in fact I don't go out unless meeting for a coffee with friends. I also have a rule not to date anyone from work (not that there were anyone available anyway).

No regrets, having said that, I was very careful when deciding whether to accept an invitation or not, and talked a lot with some of them before meeting so even when there was no spark when we met, I still managed to make some good friends, in fact, my best friend was downloaded from the Internet also, it was clear we were not made for each other very quickly, but we became good friends and our kids get along like a house on fire so we have had a good few years of Sunday's outings were the children have a lot of fun and we can have some adult conversation over an ice cream at the beach.

51howdidthathappen Tue 05-Apr-16 00:15:32

Met my chap three years ago.
My oldest sister is into rock & roll. None of her usual crowd were going that particular night, so I agreed to go, on the condition, we arrived late and left early, not my thing.
Anyway ending up, bringing someone home for coffe wink
Tuned out we had been in neighbouring classes at school. Paths never crossed.
Quite partial to bit of rock & roll now grin

AntiqueSinger Tue 05-Apr-16 00:19:46

StillAwake Just wondering why you've excluded dating younger men? I mean as long as they're interested and reasonably mature why not? Just curious. I'm 40 (have a DH) but I look quite young for my age and ocassionally get chatted up enquiries after my health by some quite interesting younger men.

Slowdecrease Tue 05-Apr-16 09:24:47

I'm 43 partner is 37, met him on Tinder.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Tue 05-Apr-16 09:44:30

AntiqueSinger I'm 41 and quite often pass for younger - recently, I've had a 29 year old friend tell me he had no idea I was in my 40s. So I don't think I'm haggard and old or anything...

But I've ended my last 2 relationships because the men I was seeing were open about really wanting someone younger.

If I'm too old for men who are older than me, I'm definitely going to be too old for men who are younger!

In fact, since my marriage ended 3.5 years ago, I have been asked out/'courted' by 5 men, only one of whom was single.

postmanpatscat Tue 05-Apr-16 09:48:51

I was 42 when I met DP on Lovestruck. He was 46. We moved in together in Aug 2012 and are getting married in 8 weeks time after 5.5 years together. It's not been easy at times, we both have exes who have decided to get far more involved in our lives than is healthy, legal or reasonable, but we've got through it and can't imagine a future where we are not together.

AntiqueSinger Tue 05-Apr-16 10:18:00

StillAwake I think your reserve is understandable but I think you shouldn't compare the aims and ideals of older men with the aims of younger guys. They are looking at life from two opposite ends of the spectrum. A younger man is more likely to be sincerely into you for the very reason that you have that beautiful air of confidence, self knowledge and emotional groundedness and that subtle sexiness that hints at hidden springs beneath - that frankly we often don't have as women in our twenties and even thirties and find that alluring; and the fact that you appear younger is a bonus or cream on the milk to them. Whereas an older man is looking for the vulnerability, trusting and overt sexiness of the younger woman IFYSWIM? You could find long lasting love with someone younger.

I guess it depends on if you want someone into your 70s and beyond or another relationship that could last 15 or 20 years? And then find a companion for later if things change?

Frankly I think if I had another chance (can you tell things are not all rosy with DH?) I would go for the latter option and give my all. Maybe even have another DC because imo 40s+ is your last sprint in terms of being able to have it all (babies, reasonable health etc) before it starts to roll gently and elegantly downhill. Am I making any sense? Feel like I'm getting jumbled. But if you just prefer older men then of course go for it!

AntiqueSinger Tue 05-Apr-16 10:21:59

Sorry if anything in that posts sounds patronising. Quite sure you have your own ideas about what kind of men you're looking for and know your own own mind. Just trying to give a different POVwink

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Tue 05-Apr-16 10:29:24

Hm, Antique, I hadn't thought about it from that perspective! I think I'd just assumed all men would be interested in someone younger than themselves. But then I suppose that younger man would reach that point of wanting someone younger at some point anyway.

I don't really want a younger man who has fetishised 'older' women either though.

I'm not really interested in 'older' men. The guys I dated were 18 months and 5 years older than me.

Ideally, I'd meet someone who was between 41 and 45 who was still youthful and fun.

When I say the men I meet are too young/old, I mean they're under 32 or over 60. Not interested in either!

But, to be honest, no one is really interested! grin

Tinkerbellx Tue 05-Apr-16 10:49:54

Thanks .
It's lovely reading everyone's posts.
I quite enjoy the OLD but have had to toughen up a little .
How do you talk to someone on Twitter ??
I'm on tinder now .
It's a real eye opener .
Think I'll pop over and join the dating thread .
It's really good to hear stories of how people met over 40 .

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