Anxious and uncomfortable feeling

[painauchoc04]

Longtime lurker here and need some advice please!

A few months ago I worked with a guy and became quite friendly with him (nothing romantic on my part). From the very start my gut instincts were off with him because he reminded me so much of a boy who bullied me at school, almost to the point of me having a mental breakdown. I ignored my instincts because I believed it was unfair to judge my colleague for something someone else had done in my past.

But as time went on I realised he was extremely similar to the boy from school and I wanted to create distance between us. He presents as very charming and was very popular with everyone at work. To me however he showed a different side where he was extremely negative about life, his friends and family, constantly gossiping and speaking maliciously about others in the office and then smiling to their faces. He made me feel very uncomfortable and anxious.

He began to use me as an emotional crutch always telling me about his problems and asking for advice. I answered politely and always asked him to search within himself as I found it inappropriate. Due to the nature of our work we would have to travel and spend the whole day together. I found it difficult to get away and he would spend the whole time offloading about his issues which just left me exhausted and anxious.

We no longer work together but he still continues to message me frequently (essays) and sometimes in the early hours giving me updates/asking for advice about his life and new job search. I never initiate conversations and respond with one line answers. For some strange reason he thinks we are really close (worked together only for a few months) and I just see him as an ex colleague. I've blocked him on whatsapp but he still likes all my social media posts.

Perhaps its my own fault because I haven't directly told him he makes me feel uncomfortable. We work in a very closed industry so I could end up working with him again.I'm afraid of him making my life difficult so i'm treading carefully.

How do I create permanent distance without him lashing out ?

[haveacupoftea]

He sounds a bit obsessed with you. Maybe just block him on social media too?

[Vintage45]

Just stop replying to him.

[butteredmuffin]

Perhaps gradually decrease the frequency of your replies to him. Respond to some, but not all, of his messages, and keep your replies brief. You could also change your settings on Facebook so he can't see your status updates or photos and hopefully you won't appear in his news feed so much. If you back away gradually, he may get the message. If not, you might need to be more direct and tell him that his behaviour is making you uncomfortable.