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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Any constructive comments on this 'argument' please?

50 replies

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 21:41

Just that, really.

Wife: Guess what X did today?
Husband makes production of removing headphone, sighs, rolls eyes, glares really nastily.
Wife: Sorry, I didn't see you had headphones in. Never mind.
Husband: What was it?
Wife: It was just about X, I'll tell you later.
Husband: What WAS IT?
Wife: NEVER MIND.
Husband (shouting): FFS, you often don't hear what I say and I repeat it.
Wife: I don't mind about that, it was the nasty look.
Husband: Oh, here we go again with the criticising and making stuff up. There was no look.
Wife: I'm sorry, I don't want to have a fight, but I didn't make it up. It was utterly contemptuous.
Husband: It's all in your head. If you have to pick at every little thing I say, just don't speak to me again.

Well?

OP posts:

Report

fusspot66 · 02/04/2016 21:43

I'm expecting a chorus of ltb.

JeanSeberg · 02/04/2016 21:43

Hard to say without back story. Is this a regular occurrence?

fusspot66 · 02/04/2016 21:43

He doesn't seem to like you . Sorry

RudeElf · 02/04/2016 21:44

What part would you like comments on?

TeaBelle · 02/04/2016 21:44

I think you both need to.adjust your attitudes towards each other if you want to stay together

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 21:44

This was one of the more reasonable arguments. Normally I don't react but Im just fed up.

OP posts:

TheStoic · 02/04/2016 21:45

Husband shouldn't have looked so contemptuous, that was unacceptable.

Wife should have said what she intended to say, OR immediately called him on the contempt - saying a passive aggressive 'never mind' etc is very annoying.

When contempt is involved, relationships are often on their last legs.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/04/2016 21:45

I think I would have been annoyed to take my headphones off etc only to be told "never mind". His comments weren't good.

The couple seem at loggerheads.

HolgerDanske · 02/04/2016 21:46

I don't think any adjustment would be necessary on my part - I would not want to stay with someone who behaved like that.

Thisisnotausername · 02/04/2016 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 21:50

I know I was annoying. It's almost like a power thing now. I don't want to do what he tells me, especially as almost every conversation is like this. I'm sick of it and I'm sure he is too.

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 02/04/2016 21:51

Wife: It was just about X, I'll tell you later.
Husband: What WAS IT?

goddessofsmallthings · 02/04/2016 21:52

Juvenile behaviour by the pair of them but more context is needed.

Did the h say he needed to do or listen to something that required headphones and ask not to be disturbed, or did he simply plonk them on without giving any thought as to whether the w may have wanted to chat?

Does the w usually play a guessing game find some topic or other to speak to the h about when he's wearing headphones or was this a one-off?

BonitaFangita · 02/04/2016 21:57

Good god this sounds exhausting, are this couple actually old enough to be married?

CalleighDoodle · 02/04/2016 21:59

Jesus Christ id slap the pair of you across the face for being irritating. Childish reactions all round.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/04/2016 22:01

Is X someone or something he is actually interested in, or were you just banging your gums for the sake of it? People who never stop yapping on about fuck all are really, really irritating to live with.

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 22:05

We're in our mid 30s. I know it's bad. I didn't know he had his headphones in. We were just sitting in the living room.
Normally, I'd try to ignore a reaction like that, say what I'd been going to say and leave him in peace asap, but I just got fed up today for many reasons.

OP posts:

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 22:06

X is our DS.

OP posts:

Twitterqueen · 02/04/2016 22:07

You both sound as if you're in a deeply unpleasant and unhappy place. Assuming you are the Wife, your responses were irritating in the extreme and I don't blame your husband for being totally pissed off.

Lweji · 02/04/2016 22:07

Just based on that both were unreasonable.
Any chance that you were oversensitive about the look?
But then making the interruption for nothing would piss me off too.
Is he always with headphones on? Do you always interrupt him?

AStreetcarNamedBob · 02/04/2016 22:10

He asked you TWICE what it was and you refused to tell him. I'd be pissed off too.

Gobbolino6 · 02/04/2016 22:12

No chance whatsoever I misinterpreted the look. I had no idea he had headphones on, he was only wearing one on the side facing away from me. We hadn't spoken at all since we sat down.

OP posts:

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HeddaGarbled · 02/04/2016 22:12

I think he's rude and unpleasant and seems to find you irritating.

I think you are fed up with him being rude and unpleasant and reacted pretty much how I would have reacted if someone had glared at me, sighed and rolled their eyes when I was just trying to make conversation. I wouldn't bother pursuing the conversation either if that was the reaction I got when I tried to start it.

So, what do you want to do? If you suggested Relate (probably not right now, maybe tomorrow), how do you think he would react?

Fairenuff · 02/04/2016 22:13

Why didn't you tell him what it was. He wanted to know, you wanted to tell. That would really annoy me so for that YABU.

HolgerDanske · 02/04/2016 22:17

Yeah sorry I agree with Hedda - I would take kindly to being treated like that and then for the person to demand I engage with them. No, sorry, you do not get to treat me with contempt and then demand things from me.

I think this relationship is poisoned by resentment and ill will, and I'd be removing myself from it.

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