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is it normal...?

(2 Posts)
mumofelliott Sat 02-Apr-16 11:37:26

I'll try to keep this brief.

I have a 3 month old ds whom I adore. He wasn't planned at all but his father and I were engaged before he was conceived.

When I told dh I was pregnant his first reaction was to abort! I refused. Now he's here dh jokes that he should have worn a condom or had a blow job then ds wouldn't be here!

I'm tired of this... He sad he's joking but it really worries me. I was an unplanned baby and have always felt that way... I don't want my son to feel or even sense it when he understands...

But this is only one thing. I want to leave dh whom I married just over 6 weeks ago.

He intimidates me and yells. The night before our wedding he stood over me screaming how work stress is gonna kill him and that I don't care! The moment I told him it's over was in regard to olives I forgot to buy for his dinner party.

I don't know what to do... If it wasn't for ds I think I would have ended it by now!

(Also, to make things worse, I live in Africa and am completely financially dependent)

Irisrose35 Sat 02-Apr-16 14:47:58


Your DH is abusive and you should arrange to get yourself out of the country and the marriage asap.

I think since you are living abroad you should be very very careful how you handle this matter. Although he professes not to want his son, he could change his mind and local child custody laws may give him residency. Removing your son from the country without his permission or contrary to his wishes could constitute child abduction.

First things first, keep all of this QUIET. Do not give him any heads up what you are thinking or planning or anything. Put new passwords/ codes on your phone and email. Make sue if any money is spent on anything that it is done out of your own account, not a joint account and that your DH does not have access to bank statements.

Have you got family in your home country who could help and would keep this confidential? If so, speak with them, borrow money for the ticket home and arrange to stay with them in your arrival.

You should then tell him that you have arranged to "go visit your family". If it isn't plausible to visit in the next month, then leave it to the summer or whenever it is you would usually visit. When you get back, NEVERR EVER return. Be all sweeteners and light in the run up to telling him you are planning a short visit home, so that he suspects NOTHING. Even better if the is some kind of special event like a wedding or birthday of some relative or maybe just introducing your new baby to family then give this as an explanation. He must not guess at what yoy are tying to do.

When home, Contact your local council to obtain emergency housing. I had a friend who was exactly in your situation and this is how I know so much about it.

Before you leave, if possible, obtain secretly as much info you can on your DHs financial affairs. When you return to your home country take is info to your solicitor. At the very least, on divorce even if you are not entitled to any financial settlemt, you should be able to get child maintenance if the African country has a reciprocal arrangement with the UK.

Best of luck!

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