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I think he cheated :(

(4 Posts)
MadBusLady Thu 31-Mar-16 22:08:40

Not posted for a long time but need a bit of help from you lovely vipers...

I've just broken up with a guy who looking back was a bit of a headfuck. I'm getting there, have great support and friends etc. But I'm in that horrible phase where you look back and question everything and there is this incident that is bugging me from a few months back. Combination of, I saw a really strange message from his ex (by accident, she did message him a lot, it was odds on that I would see some of them) and some condoms going missing (not that I keep count, but you kind of have a sense of where the pack is)..

I questioned him at the time about the message. He said pretty convincingly he didn't know, it was just weirdness on her part. And I do have independent evidence of that, that she isn't totally at her best at the moment (no wonder, she went out with my headfuck ex for three years; full disclosure, he left her for me. I know, I know...) And he is a crap liar, wouldn't even bother to lie normally. So I left it.

But I think he cheated with her didn't he :/ I suppose I care in a getting-over-it way. As I say, in that horrible stage when I need to analyse everything. The message she sent, I can't remember exactly but it was along the lines of "you have behaved so badly and so have I". The phrasing was like it was a current thing, I know that. He and I had been together 15 months or so at that point.

And I saw a mutual friend tonight who (to my surprise) was totally on my side, who said he had cheated with all his previous gf. She knew of no evidence he cheated with me though.

Don't know what I'm looking for really. Validation that I wasn't going mad maybe? I mean, I've never met this woman, it would be a stretch to believe she was that delusional, right? I won't get any closure on that subject or any other from him, I know.

Sorry for length of this, this is such a small thing compared to what other people are going through. At least I am out of it!


Cabrinha Thu 31-Mar-16 22:37:11

Based on what you've said, I can't validate that he did cheat, but I can validate that I would think the same as you. And as the Russian proverb goes, if three people tell you that you look ill, see a doctor.

You and he cheated in the first place, there's a dodgy message and a friend saying he always cheats. Seems most likely that he did.

Wallow in it for a few minutes, then tell yourself that you will move on. Doesn't matter now.

Smorgasboard Thu 31-Mar-16 22:52:36

If he cheated, that's just more good reason that you dumped him, which you did as he was a "headfuck". Be glad that you are out of it and stop torturing yourself with did he/didn't he ? It's irrelevant. You will know you are over it when you cease to care either way, meanwhile try not to give it headspace.

MadBusLady Fri 01-Apr-16 08:42:55

You're right of course. Feeling a lot better this morning, it was just a shock when I put two and two together. I suppose the point is not so much that he cheated (if he did) as that after knowing him 18 months I can't even be sure either way. Says it all.

Thanks brew

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