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Jealous ex

(18 Posts)
Thatslife72 Thu 31-Mar-16 21:55:41

My partner and I live together with my 2 children and his 2 children, they see their mum on a Wednesday night and every other weekend. She' always been a bit odd, she seems to abandon her children then want them again. My partner has always been the main carer , they go to school in the town we live in she lives about half an hour away, not that far away but it's harder for her to do school runs I guess so her girls have stayed with us more and more. Unfortunately my son goes to the same school as my step children and I see his ex wife at least once a week. This has been this way since September.

First she picked a fight with me because she thought I was giving her funny looks and I was being rude by not talking to her. She text my partner saying tell bo selector to stop being so rude etc etc . I was just minding my own business and trying avoid any confrontation. Then a time came one of her daughters was ill ,as I was the closest I went to pick her up and bought her home, when her mum got wind of that she went mad with us all and said I'm coming to get her daughter. I had to go to work for an hour so I left dsd in the house (she is 11) while her mum drove up to get her. Unfortunately this meant her mum had to come in the house while her dd sorted her stuff. To cut a long story short we found hand written 'fuck u' notes stuck up on the wall in my own dd room, we have reason to believe this was her! I was fuming , especially as my dd was going through bullying at school at the time and is 12 so a difficult age.

We've had other small issues like the ex texting on the day she picks her children up saying they look like gypos when ever she picks them up or She can't pick them up this day cos she going to a meeting, why they wearing this that and the other. She also doesn't always get them to school when she has them over night.

Then it all started to explode around Mother's Day when she announced she was spitting up with her husband. She suddenly wanted her children in particular the youngest one to live with her, change schools etc etc . Obviously my partner the dad was opposed to this and said no why not go back to seeing them 50% of the time like the agreement before the days were dropped by her. She didn't like this and started to shout and call him names. Anyway when the day came to pick my ds up the same day as she picked up her dd. She approached me , I said I didn't want to discuss anything with her especially as my ds was there then. She proceeded to tell me her girls weren't happy living with us, didn't like me, my partner is using me , he's just moved me in look after the children , I'll see through him one day and how the kids said they aren't happy with us and they hate me. Which I know isn't the case. She then followed me home to tell me that she asked her dd why she told me she liked me she said her dd said she was too scared to say otherwise , all this was in front of our youngest children, hers was in floods of tears and my ds said he was scared. Also a police car was near my house waiting to see someone else and heard all this so told her to back off . She then told the police I tried to run her over, which was untrue obviously, nothing came of it because they checked cctv. But I'm absolutely sick of it! It's hard enough being a step mum in a new town meeting new friends getting used to new schools without her causing all this trouble. What the hell do I do?!

goddessofsmallthings Fri 01-Apr-16 00:56:03

Your dp needs to tell his ex to stop harassing you.

If she continues to do so I suggest you go to the police as they can issue her with an harassment warning . Tell the police officer who takes your complaint that officers were present on the last occasion and told her to back off as one or both of them no doubt recorded the incident in their notebook(s).

The woman sounds as if she's got a screw loose not entirely rational. Does your dp have a child arrangements order or similar from the Family Courts? If not, I would suggest he makes application to formalise the current contact arrangement.

TheNaze73 Fri 01-Apr-16 07:18:51

She sounds like a bitter & twisted woman. I think you have grounds to speak to the police. She so needs to get over him. So unfair on you, him & especially the children

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 16:45:39

Thanks yes, my dp has gone to his solicitor they have sent a letter to her, as far as custody goes they have a mutual agreement stamped by a court that they have 50% each, but that has pretty much been dropped . But she can't just suddenly start playing mummy again, because she has split up with her husband of a year! So my dp is going to court to get a proper court order as these things just keep happening! The police have got a record and she has been told to back off or we will have an harassment order on her, so at the moment there's not alot more we can do.

I know there will be more from her, I have done nothing to her all I do is look after her children, make costumes for school, send them in with presents for their teacher at appropriate times as she doesn't bother even if it's her time to taw them in. Cook for them , wash, support them when need it, help with homework cuddle them when they need it, and I know they'll never think the same of me as they do their mum that's just the way it is , it's just horrible thAt she tries to turn them against me and the school! It really gets to me . I also have my own 2 children to think of . My dp is very supportive thankfully and is doing it all leagally now his family have all expressed their hatred for this woman and told me they are all there for support, I guess though it's me that has to see her at school runs . I'm wanting to send a text to her before the school run starts again, saying basically I don't want to discuss any of this in the school playground and to just leave me alone as all she tries to do is run our relationship down bad mouth my dp and say her children hate me. What would u do ?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 01-Apr-16 16:56:26

Don't text her or it will be like throwing petrol on the flames.

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 17:02:49

All I want to do is just to tell her I don't want to discuss any of this in the school playground especially infront of the kids, that it's between her and my dp. I wasn't planning on being nasty or giving my opinion just straight with her to leave me out of it! I will see her 2 or 3 times a week if she starts going back to having them half the week again. My son is in the same class so I just do see her!

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 17:10:02

Also I have stayed quiet through all these things , I've not said anything I've just taken it all , surely I should be able to say something to this psycho woman, she's going to be around the children for ever!

Fionajsd Fri 01-Apr-16 18:27:36

I wouldn't text or speak to her, she's looking for a response and I wouldn't give it to her.
Let your solicitor deal with it, she sounds a nasty piece of work x

goddessofsmallthings Fri 01-Apr-16 18:43:57

I understand your frustration but you are best advised NOT to text or make contact with this woman in any way otherwise she could claim you are harassing her and, while that may seem laughable to you, you certainly don't want to give her any opportunity to play the victim.

If she approaches you at any time don't engage in conversation with her; walk away, or walk back into the school building with the dc, and report the incident to the police at the earliest opportunity.

Please don't take any action that could jeopardise the outcome of your dp''s application for a child arrangements order. This means that you're going to have demonstrate that you are a responsible adult for whom the welfare of the dc is paramount and to this end, and as they certainly shouldn't be wtness to you going at it hammer and tongs with their dm, you are best advised to suck it up and let the police and the courts deal with her.

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:21:29

Well I will see what happens!

DontcarehowIwantitnow Fri 01-Apr-16 19:27:06

She sounds like a bitter & twisted woman. I think you have grounds to speak to the police. She so needs to get over him. So unfair on you, him & especially the children

I agree.

The cynic inot me through experience would say she may be doing this deliberately to jepodise your application. Don't rise to it but log it all.

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:31:45

And although your right goddess it makes feel awful when u say don't jeopardise my dps chances. I know what your saying and your right it just seems so unfair as I basically do all the hard work get no recognition just turned against and been called names and yet I have to stay quiet . Yes it's the right thing probably but I feel so annoyed and frustrated I have to live like this, her daughter said to my ds 'why did your mum try to run over my mum' ? So unfair on my son but of course he knew I didn't because he was in the car!

The 'fuck u' notes I stayed quiet as I knew if I said nothing she would get bored I also felt so bloody annoyed she did that to my own dd can u imagine?! I had to seriously calm myself down!

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:37:02

Well don'tcare I think she may try to now yeh, before she was just being a jealous paranoid cow! I'm sure she will try to run me down more and say horrible things about me and yes it will upset me but I never rise to it. One day I am afraid though I might actually flip a person can only take so much!

goddessofsmallthings Fri 01-Apr-16 19:43:35

Regardless of 'what happens', simply resolve not to make contact with her at any time.

It's of some concern to me that you've implied that your dp is 'doing it all legally now' as his family have 'all expressed their hatred for this woman'. Whatever else she may be, she remains the mother of his dc and, as I wouldn't like to think that these children are aware of the antipathy with which their paternal relatives regard their dm, I hope you can ensure that they never hear you or others badmouthing her.

It is in both your own interests and those of the dc to be the bigger person as, should your dp's application go before the courts, it's probable that CAFCASS will be required to submit a report and, in this event, you and the dc will be interviewed at some point.

If you should be interviewed I would suggest you adopt a position of neutrality with regard to the dm while expressing your concern that her irrational behaviour has had/is having an adverse effect on her dc as the family courts regard the welfare of the children as being paramount, and they don't take kindly to those who fail to put the children's welfare before their own.

DontcarehowIwantitnow Fri 01-Apr-16 19:47:58

I know it is difficult. We did have to get the police involved on more than one occasion.

You have to keep in mind the end 'goal' iyswim.

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:54:37

Oh fgs goddess, we're not totally stupid, we are all VERY aware she is the kids Mum .No we have never bad mouthed their mum ever, dps family never have either, everyone is very diplomatic around them. . As far as they are concerned I have nothing against their mum, for her however it is completely the opposite she bad mouths me and my dp regularly!!!! So don't preach to me what is bad for the children, I know !!!! Same with my children , they like that me and their own dad are friendly even though he annoys me sometimes!

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:57:39

Oh really dontcare? Well the police have only been involved once so far, and that was sheer coincidence they were there, but it didn't look good for her at all, she did all the shouting and swearing about how her child was too scared to tell me she didn't like me etc. I couldn't believe she followed me home to tell me that !

Thatslife72 Fri 01-Apr-16 21:42:12

I can't actually believe how patronising your post is goddess , I'd seriously like to see u cope with this situation!

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