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Separating from husband- kids/housing arrangements/money etc

(5 Posts)
CharleyQ Thu 31-Mar-16 19:32:00

After 17 years together, 10 married and three children later me and my dh have decided to separate. We've had some issues for years and throw in an autistic child and all the stress that brings and it's amazing we've been able to stay together as long as we have. We plan to remain good friends and want the best for our kids so are taking some time before we tell them to figure out the finer details regarding splitting childcare, money, where we will live etc etc. What I'm after is some advice about our potential living arrangements really.

We currently rent a lovely house. We've been here eight years on a long term let whilst remaining on the council list and bidding for properties in our area as and when they pop up. My husband works full time and I gave up my job last September to be a sahm and full time carer to our autistic son. Whilst discussing where we intend to live my husband suggested that it might be best for one of us to remain living in the house we are in at present, firstly for continuity for our son and secondly, like I said it's a long term let and the landlord has assured us he has no intention on selling until he's retired so it would make sense.

The only issue is that if my dh moved out and rented another house privately we'd have to find the deposit and bond (which we don't have) and I couldn't run the house finiancially on my own as the rent is rather high as is the utilities. It would make sense for me to either go into a smaller private rented in another area or hang on for a council property so I decided to ring the council today and explain our situation. The lady I spoke to was lovely and she explained that usually if a marriage/partnership breaks down the the member will be put into a higher band therefore increasing the likelihood of being offered a property. This is all well and good until I tell her that my dh intends to stay in the property we are currently renting.

She said that for me to be considered part of a separated couple or "single" (I can't even think of refereeing to myself as that without welling up) then my dh would actually have to move out of the property and then they will review my circumstances and banding. I explained that the reason my dh wanted to stay was for he sake of our son so that he has a familiar place to stay and also because he/we can't afford to save up a huge bond and deposit for him to move into another private rent. I understand, sort of what she's saying, that they I suppose need proof that a separation has taken place, and that I'm not about to move him in with me if I'm offered a property but that isn't going to happen. I feel so unsure about my future now, I certainly can't work at the minute as I'm having to go into school weekly as my son isn't coping and is having severe meltdowns so I unless I find a cheap private rent my only option is the council or to stay here with my dh in an unhappy marriage. I feel like I'm stuck. Does anyone have any advice or know if what the council have said is intact correct as i've spoken with my friends sister who works at the council for the town down the road from us and she said that my dh should be able to remain in the property if he wants to.

CharleyQ Thu 31-Mar-16 19:35:46

So sorry about all the typos.

CharleyQ Fri 01-Apr-16 10:21:35


whatyouseeiswhatyouget Fri 01-Apr-16 12:56:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pocketsaviour Fri 01-Apr-16 13:48:02

Different local housing authorities may have different rules about eligibility, so you've probably been given the correct info, but you could always call the council again and speak to someone else and see if you get the same advice.

A couple of scenarios spring to mind:
1. Your H moves in with friends/relatives for an interim period (or takes a cheap houseshare) while you wait to be offered alternate housing for you and your DC. At this point your H could move back into your current home and just continue paying rent and let the landlord know you're no longer a tenant.
2. Your H moves out into a smaller private rental and you apply for housing benefit to pay the rent for you and DC in your existing home. However you've said the house is quite expensive and you may have already investigated this and found that the housing benefit payable would not cover the rent, so this may not be suitable.

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