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I don't know who to talk to.

(16 Posts)
Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 08:31:27

I feel like I need to talk to someone about what's going on in my head. gp has given me antidepressants but won't let me have therapy.

I just want to point out first I love my DP even if some of the things he does are wrong and probably don't help me. also I've been diagnosed with pnd and anxiety and have a 11 week old.

he says I whine a lot and half the things I say aren't interesting and stupid. I know I do whine and it can get on people's nerves too. he said he wishes he's out with his mates to get away from it all. he's doing extra hours, left a easy job and driving further away just to get more money to support our little one. I personally think that he'll spend that on going out the house to get away from me. I mention things I like and if he doesn't agree it's stupid but if I say what he watches is stupid I get told my opinion is wrong.

I don't go out much as all my friends know it's hard for me to get someone to look after my ds so I have to say no. they've stopped asking me now, and my other friend is so selfish. she never once asked how I'm doing or my ds is, or if I have a problem and try to talk to her she turns it around onto herself and makes it all about her. so I have no one to talk to, to let what's bothering me out so I go to my DP and as he's got a lot going on he doesn't need to hear about my tiny things compared to the rubbish he has at work.

I don't know what I want from this maybe somewhere I can vent without it effecting my relationship as it's already strained. some to hold my hand to say it'll all get better. Oh I don't know anymore.

Joysmum Thu 31-Mar-16 08:35:42

You can self refer online for Italk, I think that's a good option. smile

MatildaTheCat Thu 31-Mar-16 08:36:58

Without commenting too much on your dp and your relationship, can you ask your HV for support? They are experts at pnd and often have groups etc. She will be able to advise and may be able to offer plenty of help.

Do you have family nearby? Try to make contact with others who have new babies because even if you don't have a lot in common, you do have new babies which are all consuming and overwhelming.

Seek out your nearest children's centre and ask what's available there. Start with your HV. Good luck, it's so very hard even with good support from your partner.

Tootsiepops Thu 31-Mar-16 08:37:43

You can self-refer for therapy.

(Please don't put up with your partner's behaviour - it doesn't sound like he's being very kind or respectful or loving, and goodness only knows it's hard enough coping with a newborn)

Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 08:49:04

he has days where he can be so annoying I just go upstairs pretend to do stuff but I'm actually lying on the bed crying and other days like some parts of yesterday he's amazing. we had a bug argument about 4 5 weeks ago and we said every 2 weeks we'll have a date night/day so we have time together. it does help sometimes.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 31-Mar-16 08:49:37

I would suggest calling Womens Aid.
They can maybe help you see what your partners behaviour actually is.
Because he doesn't sound very nice.
He undermines your opinion all the time and puts you down.
You need someone to love and support you right now and he is not doing that. Quite the opposite in fact.
Call them 0808 2000 247

If you are feeling really low and just need someone to listen then call the Samaritans.

Do you have any family who want to help and support you?

Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 08:57:19

I try not to get family involved. my last partner was physically and mentally abusive. I told my family and he somehow twisted it to make it look like I was the one doing it. he even got my own nan to believe I cheated on him and that was the reason why I refused to go back with him.

I think from that I'm just scared to talk to anyone incase it all backfires on me.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 31-Mar-16 09:54:31

Aha - your family do not sound supportive.
But it might be worth a try to talk to one member who you trust.
I can only assume from the fact you have had a previous abusive relationship that you did not have very good examples of relationships when growing up?
Call Womens Aid, they can help you.

springydaffs Thu 31-Mar-16 10:58:12

I had PND. It was actually BMD (Bad Marriage Depression) but everyone was kind and I got lots of support etc so I went along with it - and left my vile husband in due course.

He also, btw, got my family onside against me. There's a link there - I was used to being treated badly by my family so it was no surprise that I went on to accept being treated badly in relationships: I didn't know any better. It sounds like you may be in the same boat?

Do try the Freedom Programme - I have linked you to the page that finds a course near you. Do go along. You don't have to be hit to be in an abusive relationship. You've just had a baby and now is the time he should be right by your side supporting you over and above normal.

I'm surprised your GP won't link you to counselling, instead preferring to give you ADs. ime it was a combination of ADs and counselling that helped me get out of the rut I was in when I had 'PND'. Also a Womens Aid support group helped me see the wood for the trees - always helps to meet others in the same or similar position ime.

springydaffs Thu 31-Mar-16 10:59:47

nb: the Freedom Programme didn't exist when I had 'PND' so it took me longer to recognise what was going on.

Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 19:30:04

I've sat down with my DP and had words with him with how I feel how I feel he treats me. we both agreed we haven't had enough time with each other and need to open up more. I told him if he carries on like this I will have to leave him and our son will be coming with me cause I don't want him to see how his dad treats people. he broke down crying and is giving it another go.

HazyMazy Thu 31-Mar-16 19:34:09

You have an 11 week old I understand.
Really in that case that is your priority. Just being with and caring for your baby.
Once your child is older, sitting up, eating solid food, you will be able to focus on your partner but he and you should be looking after baby at this time.

Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 19:41:43

I can actually say today he has been a lot more caring to me. I don't know if it's the stress from the new job that's got him but I was playing with my ds and he done his first bally laugh and I was so glad DP was there to see it. I think it hit home and he regrets how he's acted.

not sticking up for him but if it was the other way round I think I'd be angry and stress if I moved jobs.

springydaffs Thu 31-Mar-16 20:11:26

There's no excuse. There may be a reason but there is never an excuse.

Marchate Thu 31-Mar-16 20:44:35

We obviously can't see the whole picture, but please be aware that turning on the tears is a well known trick to keep you on his side

Ahappynewmummy Thu 31-Mar-16 21:35:46

I know I'm going to regret it I can see it, more fool me I guess. I'm so use to this type of male dominance it feels natural to me.

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