Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Springing Into Some Warmer Weather, Staying Sober Togeher

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 30-Mar-16 00:05:32

Hi, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. We're delighted to have you here smile Not because if you're new to the Babes you are here for help, but because we welcome every kind of drinker. And for all of the reasons life throws at you.

Those that do drink, those that don't drink and of course those who do but don't want to say just how much..............

We've all had our own personal Groundhog Day , some still are and don't want to remain trapped in the same cycle day in, day out, and some still are and want to be which is fine and why we're here.

To talk, to listen, to just be us, like you are YOU. You never know, one day you might just want to wake up on a different day? smile There's no judging here, no 'sides.

After all, something made you click on and read this smile

Come say hi! We even do brew & cake if you're super quick!! <narrows eyes at cake lovers>

And if you want to see what we got up to in the last thread, have a look RIGHT HERE

And this is where our adventure began, almost six years ago now!!

ALMOST SIX YEARS AGO...........

DeriArms Wed 30-Mar-16 01:43:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

venusandmars Wed 30-Mar-16 08:17:15

Hi deri and welcome. We will be filling up the old thread for the next day or so, and then we'll all be piling in here.

That is a good target - and whatever happens and however well it goes I hope you do come back and post. You will know already that the first few days can be tough and motivation so quickly dwindles, but there will be people around to cheer you on and encourage you through. See you soon.

Pinter Wed 30-Mar-16 10:03:57

Knock knock. Can I clamber aboard?

On my phone, with battery about to sleep. I just wanted to make myself check in so I can't put it off any longer.

Will be back later!

venusandmars Wed 30-Mar-16 13:50:12

Hi pinter and welcome. If it's a bit quiet for a while it is because people are on the last page of the previous page, and they'll be along here very soon.

dementedma Wed 30-Mar-16 15:25:23

<sneaks on, bags good seat, returns to old thread>

Wishtobefree Wed 30-Mar-16 16:00:51

Very sorry sober about your DM

It's a difficult time. Not sure of your story but if you're not AF then a drink can turn a drama into a crisis as someone else said on an earlier thread. I should know, my DH diagnosed too and all too often I use wine to help me get my mind off things and it never works. Just end up more anxious and less capable of being a carer.

Thoughts are with you

wish

venusandmars Wed 30-Mar-16 22:51:32

Hope everyone makes it over here.....

pop good luck with the move

elephantoverthehill Wed 30-Mar-16 22:58:48

Hello, as a major lurker and sometimes poster can I 'baggy' the back seat please?

Nobodyspecialanymore Wed 30-Mar-16 23:05:47

Oh new thread!

Mouseface Wed 30-Mar-16 23:32:45

Hey, tis me, Mouse

I'm in for another night of watching my little dude in pain and not being able to give him more than the 'legal' dose for the raging, fiery pain that is Glue Ear.

Last night it just poured out of his ear, onto his little duck towel and gently sobbed the whole night...whimpering in his sleep as I checked his airway and his temp every now and then. It's not that long since he had an infection/glue ear and then here we go again.

When we saw the consultant last week, he was going to send his right hand man into school to see how he was coping, and then we'd all meet shortly after, to discuss aids or other strategies. Grommets are OUT due to his tiny airway and the immense risk of infection so it's back to the drawing board, good job I took A Level Art smile

Welcome to those who have appeared who I've not met yet, a massive huggle to those who are going through the worst times ever - it does get better/easier/less of a struggle.......

Night to you all, see you tomorrow.

Mouse, out xxx

Elba84 Wed 30-Mar-16 23:44:22

Very drunk and not coping. Sorry for posting so much and being negative. Just have to put it in words somewhere. I hate this so much

MaryMungoAndMidgies Thu 31-Mar-16 00:19:14

Aww Mouse sending big bosies to you and wee Nemo. I hope he feels better soon. Did you find your patch m'dear? Crossing my fingers your pain is under control again, xx

Hello pinter come away in! Plenty duvets on board, tea on tap and support out yer ears! xx

Elba Never ever apologise for posting and saying how you feel. Spill your beans as often as you need to. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel a bit better. I hope you get some rest tonight, tomorrow is another day. See you in the morning, xx

That's me aboot done for today, I'm coorying doon for what will hopefully be a Good Sleep. Night night all, x

Elba84 Thu 31-Mar-16 00:41:06

I started posting here feeling scared I would die from all this and it's still so frightening. I'm loosing weight, bmi now 19, and I want to loose more not to be thin but to just show how much I'm fucking hurting. But then I don't want anyone to see or realise, as at the same time as I have to be strong. I'm sure I'm drinking more calories than I'm eating and I've seen how this can go. I've seen accidents, violence, hepatitis, pancreatitis, varicises, all sorts of cancers, and so many other physical manifestations of alcohol abuse and they are all terrifying and undignified. But I'm still drinking. We are all fighting something that is so incredably powerful; any victories, however seemingly small, whether one hour, one day, one month or a year need celebrating. I started writing this as a drunken, self pitying rant (as per usual) but I'm sort of reflecting as I go along. So I want to remind you all how strong you are, as whatever point in the journey you are on you are putting up a fight against a very strong force.

soberisthenewblack168 Thu 31-Mar-16 09:02:10

MorningElba how are you today ?

soberisthenewblack168 Thu 31-Mar-16 09:06:37

wish thank you for your kind words.
I am limiting myself to 2 glasses each night but I just want to drink myself into oblivion. I am aiming to go AF as I think it's the only way I will get through this
Cancer is such a bastard sad

dementedma Thu 31-Mar-16 09:09:28

great post Elba. Every minute stolen from the wine witch, every mouthful is a victory. Stay strong babes.
Think we are going to have to put the blue light and siren on Gerald and go find indie. We have a babe MIA....
Margie you still with us?

Fairenuff Thu 31-Mar-16 10:16:23

And MsGee, haven't heard from you for a while. Beautiful sunny day here today and forecast to stay that way so going to make the most of it. First job is to get second load of washing on the line.

See you later babes x

puttingthegenieback Thu 31-Mar-16 11:36:26

Fantastic post, Elba, although I wish you were speaking from an easier place. Pop, I think today is moving day for you, wishing you the best of luck and much happiness in your new home.
Tough going for me last night (really wanted to pour a drink) but I got through it. I'm needing some words of encouragement this week to keep this sober thing going. It would be very easy to give in and pour a glass of wine, but for me that would be the first of many glasses and then the first of a string of lost evenings and huge regrets.

ThisCollie Thu 31-Mar-16 14:36:56

Hello, can I join? I've lurked for some time. I'm finding it very tricky to go even one day a week without alcohol. Most days I average between 5 and 10 units but I usually have one day where I go crazy and drink 13-15 and the next day I just can't drink. I don't even like it any more. And the hiding of it most nights is just miserable. I hate myself - why do I do it?

MaryMungoAndMidgies Thu 31-Mar-16 19:16:57

Good evening babes, how I love an early shift, means I get to walk her the same time as all her pals are out. At the moment she has a better social life than me...

How is everyone today? pop how is the great flit going?

Elba84 Thu 31-Mar-16 19:24:27

Just checking in quickly, about to leave for work. Drank far to much last night as was probably obvious, but determined not to have anything tomorrow after work so hopefully will have 48 hours AF at least. Scared myself this morning as very nearly fainted and had to sit myself down on the floor. I'm fine now and it was probably just dehydration and lack of food, but it's evidence that physically I can't keep doing this.

pop hope the move is going ok.

collie welcome. Sorry I don't have time to write more but you will have plenty of support here.

sober cancer is definitely a bastard. Big hugs.

Hope everyone has a good evening.

dementedma Thu 31-Mar-16 19:56:30

collie welcome. How are you doing?

marfisa Thu 31-Mar-16 23:19:19

Hi babes, just popping my head out of lurkdom after quite a long while to say hello. Wry, it's absolutely great to see you back again throwing around the bosies! Your new dog is beautiful.

Even though I virtually never post [hangs head] I still check this thread nearly every day, and I love reading the inspirational posts by baby and venus and spanna and faire and mouse and others. Ma, I really hope your company is still afloat; it all sounds insanely stressful.

It's been almost a year and a half now since my last drink. I can't quite believe it myself. AA has really worked for me. I still wrestle with all the old demons -- depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, lethargy -- but they are a helluva lot easier to wrestle with sober. I am lucky in that I've met some lovely people in AA who are a big support to me -- a bit like I imagine you Babes would be if I were privileged enough to meet any of you in real life.

Obviously everyone is unique and there's no way of knowing whether what works for one person would work for another, but if you're really desperate to stop drinking (by "you" I mean anyone!), please do give AA a try. The best thing it has done for me (apart from helping me get sober and stay sober, a day at a time) is take away the stigma that I myself associated with alcoholism. I used to blame myself terribly for not being able to moderate my drinking. Now I don't, because I've seen so many other people who are also unable to moderate their drinking, just like me. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. In the "rooms" of AA/NA I see homeless people, mums, students, professionals and what I have in common with them all is the way my body responds to alcohol. And what I've also learnt is that sobriety is about a billion times easier than moderation. (I have read Baby's posts on that topic and just found myself nodding my head all the way through!)

I never thought I would be so happy not to be drinking. It's downright weird. grin
Elba, your posts remind me a lot of what my life was like two years ago. Except my job was/is not nearly as demanding as yours. Big hugs to you. You sound so self-aware.

Another thing that occurs to me as I lurk on this thread is how difficult, how almost-impossible it is to get the wine witch under control while juggling work and parenthood and studies or whatever. I suppose that's basically the definition of what a high-functioning alcoholic is: an alcoholic who's managing to hold it all together more or less. That's what I was. (Ignore the word 'alcoholic' if you don't like it; I'm totally inured to it now but I know some people find it alienating.) Lots of people come to AA/NA straight out of rehab and while I know rehab doesn't always work, I still think it's a great idea. Because addiction is so damn powerful, it takes lots of time and mental space to recover from it. Rehab is a way of getting yourself that time and space. Looking back, I realise that even though I never did rehab, I was lucky in that I was able to spend a whole summer (the summer of 2014) getting my recovery underway. I had a supportive DH who did lots of childcare. I'm an academic so I can work from home in the summers, and that summer I did basically no research work whatsoever. blush But it was worth it. It took years for my alcoholism to develop; it takes TIME to turn things around.

So I suppose what I want to say is, if you are struggling with drink, be kind to yourself. But please reach out for all the help you can in addition to the fabulousness of the bus -- whether it's rehab, or your GP, or AA/the 12 steps, or SMART recovery, or community support for substance misuse (where I live this is run by an organisation called Turning Point, but it will vary depending on where you live). Someone who posted on the last thread (*Pup*?) mentioned that she didn't want to go to her local recovery service because it would involve outing herself to the family friend who ran it. I would say that anyone working in a service like that would have seen people from literally all walks of life coming through the door. In AA I have met other parents from my DC's school, other professionals from the university where I work, and so on. There is no judgment, there is no shame. Addiction can happen to anyone and we are all in the same boat. If anything, the friend will admire you for being honest and brave enough to seek help.

I am one of the lucky ones because I got help before I drank myself to death and lost my family and my job. I'm very aware of how easily it could have gone the other way and that's why sometimes late in the evening when I used to be drinking myself into a stupor I now feel an emotional (evangelical! but not in the religious sense) urge to tell people that help is out there.

In RL I've become increasingly open about being an alcoholic in recovery. I know that some people want or need to be much more protective of their privacy (for work reasons or whatever) and that is absolutely their right. But at this point, my DC, all my close friends, my boss and my closest colleagues all know that I'm in recovery. Again, maybe I've been extraordinarily fortunate, but I've received nothing but support. Telling more people about recovery is partly a way of protecting myself (so I'm even less tempted to grab the glass of champagne instead of the glass of orange juice at the student reception) but I also have a tiny hope that if someone else is leading a double life like I was, a life where I seemed to be functioning on the outside but was utterly sick and miserable behind closed doors, they will realise that they're not alone. That there are more of us out there, and that recovery is possible.

I didn't mean to go on for so long -- sorry! blush But I am so happy that the Bus is here, helping to raise awareness. In an ideal world, there would be no taboos associated with seeking help for alcoholism and addiction. In the meantime, there is the bus. flowers

babyjane1 Thu 31-Mar-16 23:28:04

Just marking my lovely warm seat, Back tomorrow to catch up and shake my pom-poms for wry coming home to us xxx love this bus, you all make me so proud to stand among you (well sit really) but standing conjures up more grit, determination and courage as I think of you all my beautiful friends xxx

This thread is not accepting new messages.