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Partner has left me, but still having to live together

(3 Posts)
Sashanicole01 Mon 28-Mar-16 20:13:42

I've been with my partner for 2 years. I've had a string of mentally and physically abusive relationships, and it really felt like this was the relationship that would stay.

It has admittedly been a bit of a rollercoaster. We lived together in the South East for a year and then he had to relocate to the South West for his job. I dropped everything to move there so we could be together. He was devastated the day before he left (as I had to wait a few months due to work commitments) but over the moon the day I moved.

However since living here it's been very stressful, I've struggled with panic attacks and anxiety (which i thankfully have got a grasp on now) I just haven't settled in very well as I'm so far away from everyone. He is very hard to communicate with, one of those who just doesn't do emotions. I've noticed him become more depressed, not helped by the fact he smokes an awful lot of weed, and I've really really tried my best to help him with that because it kills me to see him so miserable.

I'm by no means perfect, but I am a very dedicated girlfriend, and I do absolutely everything I can to make my partner happy.

But at the end of last year he randomly ended it, it made no sense, and a few days later he changed his mind, it just didn't sit right with me, he even told me he wasn't in love with me anymore.

After that we worked on things, but nothing seemed to change, he stopped wanting to do things with me, didn't really seem overjoyed to call me his partner anymore. It was tearing me apart but I was dedicated to making him happy again.

Then he ended it AGAIN, for a week this time, again I was in bits, I went to stay with my Mum and after that week he said he missed me (After again, saying he didn't love me, didn't want a relationship etc) The texts quickly turned sexual and I thought, he just needed a small break, as we had been between the same 4 walls every day for however many months, just driving each other mad sometimes.

After that, we decided the best thing to do would be to move home. We agreed that it was down to the stress of moving, my anxiety, not knowing many people etc. So we made the joint decision to move back, where we felt at home.

We were both excited, he was gutted about his job but he chose to move back, he also needs a hip operation so he accepted that this would be the opportunity to get that done while I support us both.

Everything was fine, we've been great actually, until a week ago. That night he was very quiet, and my gut was telling me to find out what was wrong. At first he said he was just down about his job. But after him doing it so many times I could just tell. And after getting the balls to ask him 'Do you really want to be with me?' He went from 'Yes!' to 'I dunno' to 'No'

Just like that, he's ended it, 2 weeks before we are meant to move back. We share a flat and he has no where to go until his parents come and help him with his things. I've been a total wreck, hysterical and heartbroken, not eating or sleeping, and it's making him angry. He just wants me to be 'civil'. I just want answers and he just wants me to stop asking him things.

I feel like I deserve answers, and most people will think I'm a fool for putting up with all of this.
Do I just let him go, and accept it, or do I take into account that he regrets leaving me every time and consider the possibility that he is running away because he's scared of all the changes and this is just an easy option? Baring in mind he can't deal with talking about his or anyone elses problems? Is it depression?

Sorry if this seems crazy, and I know it's lengthy, I'm just really struggling to cope with the rejection and how cold he's being now, as if 2 years meant nothing to him.

Sashanicole01 Mon 28-Mar-16 20:14:59

Just to add, this is my first post, I was advised to write something on here as way of coping, so any advice is hugely appreciated sad

HeddaGarbled Mon 28-Mar-16 22:11:45

Oh sweetheart, how horrible for you.

If he wants to end the relationship, well, that's his choice. I know it's hard but he hasn't really done anything wrong except fall out of love with you, and these things happen.

However, I don't see why he should expect you to be "civil". He can't drop that bombshell on you, carry on living with you because he isn't man enough to organise a move without help from his mummy and daddy, and expect you to just carry on as if your heart isn't breaking. He made you this upset, he can deal with it or get out.

Where are you moving to and when? The sooner you get away from him the sooner you'll be able to start healing. Are there family and friends where you are moving to who will look after you and help you through this?

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