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Can't move on :(

(18 Posts)
Cantgetitoutofmyhead Mon 28-Mar-16 17:47:19

It's been a while since I caught my dh looking at an escort site and searching for this certain escort on various social media sites and search engines, it's like he was obsessed with this one escort. I've tried to get it out of my mind but today on a well known social site she popped up in people you might know. I clicked. She's voted the best in our area. I can't get over this I really really can't I feel so alone!

Triliteral Mon 28-Mar-16 18:47:06

I don't think I could 'move on' if by that you mean get over it in order to continue in a relationship with this man. Hard though it is, I would walk away as I couldn't trust and respect a man who would do this.

No wonder you feel alone. It must be a horrible to discover something and suddenly have to face the fact that the man you married isn't who you thought he was.

What do you feel you want to do?

TheNaze73 Tue 29-Mar-16 13:14:48

What a hideous thing to find out. Are things other than this ok between you? If I found out I couldn't get over it, I must admit

goddessofsmallthings Tue 29-Mar-16 15:20:10

In an episode of the series 'Love For Sale', Rupert Everett described some'adult sites as being akin to TripAdvisor because punters get to rate the hookers who advertise their wares.

Do you have any reason to suppose that your h may have engaged the services of the escort he's ostensibly become obsessed with from afar?

Buzzardbird Tue 29-Mar-16 15:22:17

I don't think you will 'move on' whilst you are still with him. If he hasn't already 'been there' he was planning on doing so.

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 08:28:03

I know he has spoken to her, the only part I saw was her replying saying 'I'm fine how are you, no why? Haha xxx' so I can't really know what was actually said. It's been 2 years since this happened. I try everyday for my children. But he has torn me completely. Sometimes I just don't speak and he doesn't understand what's going on says I treat him badly. People have told me to move on say I'm better than that! Even when we are out people say I'm out of his league I know this has no difference on what he's done but he made me feel the ugliest person in the world I'm slowly realising i don't need to be insecure. On different occasions I saw him look her name up, he said he was curious but come on he's a grown man surely he's done all his curious escort searching when he was young?

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 10:22:31

Anyone there? Just feeling so foolish and needing someone to chat to

crazycatdad Wed 30-Mar-16 10:44:01


Are you considering leaving him?

Either way, I think you need to talk to him and tell him exactly how he has made you feel, that this business with looking up a local escort has destroyed your trust in him. He may think it's trivial but it obviously isn't to you, and if he's not a twat he'll recognise and respect that, and try to help figure out how you can both move forward.

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 10:49:57

I'm not sure about leaving I know in the back of my mind we can't be together forever. I've sat down and we've talked and talked, he was just interested at looking at escorts, said he's never uses them and never will. He's never cheated on me etc etc, but he's not going to just admit it really is he? I go through bouts of depression I can't get over this, then I'm ok. I don't speak about it now but he will occasionally say something like I resent him or he can tell I don't like him. He thinks I'm being unfair which I sort of get. I thought I could forget about this but then something will bring it all back. I guess I just don't trust him, when I'm not at home and he is I just think that's what he's looking at. He probably is because he deletes everything.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Mar-16 11:11:42

Do you want to carry on for years and years, being up and down and unsettled? Life is short and you deserve better!

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 11:15:55

Everyone says this to me! I guess it's for the kids more than anything, my 1st dc was to my ex and he really is a handful family sort of blame me for him as he is shared custody im scared of the same happening again, I guess I'm just worried about what people will think.? I'm also worried he's completely playing me

arsenaltilidie Wed 30-Mar-16 11:26:44

But it isn't your fault that he was obsessed with prostitutes.

And it isn't your fault you can't get over it.

All this stress can't be good for your health in the long term.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Mar-16 11:26:44

You don't want your children to grow up thinking it's OK for your DH to do that kind of thing. Think of the atmosphere in the house, you being so unhappy will have such a negative impact on them, maybe for life if it carries on. He doesn't respect you.

It may be the best thing you do to leave him. It was for me.

crazycatdad Wed 30-Mar-16 12:19:19

It sounds like you do still resent him but I don't think that's unfair of you. The real question is, is there anything he could do or say now that would reassure you and restore your faith in him? If not, you would probably be best to separate so that you have a chance to be happy again in the future.

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 12:23:37

Yes I do worry the impact on the children this has, especially seen as I get very down and maybe snappy. I don't know what he could say? I mean he says he doesn't look anymore etc but how do I believe this? I really do resent him I just don't want to admit it. I'm so worried about the future

minop Wed 30-Mar-16 12:36:49

You just admitted it! Trust is like a mirror, once broken you can piece it back together but the cracks will always show. The only way to stop worrying about the future is to grab it by the balls and make the future you want for you and your dcs. smile

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 13:03:02

I don't know where to even start, we have just moved house (privately rented in both names) near my family I'm worried he wouldn't move but surely he would? I dunno, I'm just feeling low and I can't seem to pull myself up

Cantgetitoutofmyhead Wed 30-Mar-16 16:36:31

I can't tell family about this or they'll be mortified, I'm just so confused because it was so long ago how can I bring this up again?

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