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OLD - what is the etiquette when you see someone you know?

(22 Posts)
JustAnotherDaftQuestion Sun 27-Mar-16 21:21:49

Right, so there's this chap I have taken a shine to, and he has suddenly popped up on a dating site. My profile is currently hidden on the site as I was really just having a nosy and am just getting my head around doing online dating.

I don't know him very well and because of the circumstances when I do bump into him it is impossible to flirt as there is always an audience.

I have no idea if he likes me, although I really do like him. I wondered if I should just unhide my profile and send him a quick message to the effect of fancy seeing you here (although I wouldn't phrase it like that!). That would then give me an out if he isn't interested. Or do I need to be direct and let him know I am interested?

This is a new thing for me. In every relationship I have ever had I have done all the initiating, and I am sick of it. I just want somebody to approach me for a change, which is why I am reluctant to be more direct. I also don't want it to be awkward if he isn't interested as I would still see him on a regular basis (not work).

He is really lovely and I need to take action soon before somebody else snaps him up!

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sun 27-Mar-16 21:37:13

If I saw anyone I knew, I never looked at their profile (even if I could do it secretly, it seemed disingenuous).

But I did once tell someone I'd seen him on there and we had a bit of a laugh about it.

If I had seen someone on their who I liked..? Hm...

I did think about this. I never had to put it to the test, but I did think I'd say something like...

"Well, well, well, fancy seeing you on here! How are you?"

And keep it quite casual initially. Then hopefully he'll reply positively and you can gauge his level of interest then.

peaceoftheaction Sun 27-Mar-16 21:53:22

Surely the obvious answer would be to unhide your profile and see if he spots you, if you'd like him to approach you first? He won't know you're on there if your profile's hidden smile
Can't you unhide yours and then just look at his or something so that he sees you're on there?

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 27-Mar-16 22:02:50

What peace said.

I spotted my next door neighbour on match. Neither of us realised that the others' spouse had moved out so we had a laugh about it, went out for a couple of drinks and chatted about dating etc. Shame I didn't fancy him as it would have made life simple!

I've also seen a dad from my kids school on there, who I actually thought was attractive until I saw his profile. He said he was looking for someone "smoking hot" the dick. I've seen the lady he ended up dating, who I certainly didn't think matched up to that description, sorry, being bitchy so either he changed his criteria as he realised he sounded like a cock or she thinks very highly of herself grin

JustAnotherDaftQuestion Sun 27-Mar-16 22:07:31

I did think about just unhiding my profile and staying online a lot so that he sees me. I'm not sure about viewing his profile as it seems so intrusive iyswim, even though it is out there for me to see. But like I say, I'm still getting my head around this OLD business.

LurkingQuietly Sun 27-Mar-16 22:09:00

I was spotted by someone I worked with. He messaged me on the dating site, asked me out (with no "haha fancy seeing you here" warmup - not that it would have made a difference but I could have shoehorned in a "looking to meet NEW people pre-emptive strike). He was NOT my type, and I noticed he had lied about his height on his profile. Work the next day after I had let him down gently was excruciating.

LurkingQuietly Sun 27-Mar-16 22:10:01

So...the point of all that was to say - you should message him with a chatty "fancy seeing you here" message and give him a chance to subtly let you know if he's up for it! Good luck.

kaymondo Sun 27-Mar-16 23:04:50

This happened to a friend of mine - spotted a colleague from work. It was obvious that he'd seen her profile too (not sure how, not done OLD). She wasn't sure what to do but thought it would be more awkward with work to pretend she'd not seen it. She mentioned to him in passing that she'd seen him on there...

They are now married and expecting their first baby!

a11235 Sun 27-Mar-16 23:13:26

Me and my brother were recently matched up on dating site. We both had a really good laugh about that.
In fairness I can see the logic, we do have a hell of a lot in common, but one of those things is our DNA.

JustAnotherDaftQuestion Mon 28-Mar-16 15:02:33

Thank you for all the replies. I am still trying to psyche myself up.

JustAnotherDaftQuestion Mon 28-Mar-16 15:08:38

psych blush

CockacidalManiac Mon 28-Mar-16 16:03:53

Go for it! Faint heart and all that.

MadeMan Mon 28-Mar-16 16:35:46

Well you should obviously message him if you like him. smile

After seeing the title I expected this thread to be about what to do if you see your neighbour on there, or the elderly lady who works in the newsagents.

DrFoxtrot Mon 28-Mar-16 16:48:11

Haha a11235.

I agree with PP suggesting a chatty fancy seeing you here message, then if it doesn't achieve anything it won't be embarrassing.

Coconutty Mon 28-Mar-16 19:04:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills Mon 28-Mar-16 19:11:32

Depends if you fancy them or not grin

ivykaty44 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:25:05

If your profile is hidden then - no one will approach you for a date.

Unhide your profile and see what happens...

Duckdeamon Mon 28-Mar-16 20:04:40

Message him!

JustAnotherDaftQuestion Mon 28-Mar-16 20:32:01

I have spent half the day twiddling with my profile. Tomorrow my friend is going to try to take a photo of me that doesn't make me look like a hippo. That is going to be the tough part. Then it's all systems go.

Trills Mon 28-Mar-16 21:44:37

This guy knows what you look like in real life though right?

So a flattering photo is nice, but you don't need to WORRY too much because he has already seen you.

JustAnotherDaftQuestion Mon 28-Mar-16 21:48:53

Yes, he knows what I look like so it probably won't come as too much of a shock. I do tend to look bloody awful in photos though.

TokenGinger Mon 28-Mar-16 22:05:53

a11235 - the same happened to me! My brother was matched as my number 1 match! 😂😂

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