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Am single seeing divorced man who is playing control games with me.

(33 Posts)
multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 09:46:28

I am seeing a man who lives abroad. I am fond of him in companion sense but get really fed up of his controlling games. He plays financial games of control with me. I am really stuck and limited in what I can say. He even had me watched via a private detective last year and now apologises about it but I know he doesn't mean it.

ApocalypseNowt Sat 26-Mar-16 09:48:19

Then stop seeing him?

Don't mean to sound flippant but anyone siccing a private detective on me would get the boot straight away.

category12 Sat 26-Mar-16 09:48:34

Well, time to end it and earn your own money.

Belikethatthen Sat 26-Mar-16 09:56:09

Call it a day. No other answer.

Claraoswald36 Sat 26-Mar-16 10:02:58

That's batshit

givepeasachance Sat 26-Mar-16 10:07:48

If you don't live together why are you financially entwined?

DoreenLethal Sat 26-Mar-16 10:09:23

I am seeing a man who lives abroad.

Hint: Stop doing this and your problems will go away.

AlisonWunderland Sat 26-Mar-16 10:11:21

Best thing about him living abroad is not bumping into him in Tesco once you've dumped him

Trills Sat 26-Mar-16 10:18:55

You haven't given us enough info for us to say anything more useful than "stop seeing him then".

Can you tell us more about it? Are you looking for emotional support, or strategies on "how to not cave in and call him", or something else?

You've said that you are single, so while he might be playing financial games I assume that's just game in your dating (like inviting you to stuff and then insisting that you pay when you can't afford it), and he's not financially involved in your day-to-day life?

FrancesNiadova Sat 26-Mar-16 10:24:09

Multicolored: Are you frightened of this man? Has he got some kind of hold or power over you?
If you're being controlled by him because he can hurt you in some way if you don't comply, call women's aid.
If this thread and your Americanised name are too identifying, ask MNHQ to move it for you.

Longdistance Sat 26-Mar-16 10:29:49

That's probably why he's divorced. The answer was in your title op.

multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 11:08:09

He has got a hold on me and it is in the highest form of blackmail that will destroy my life forever with family and friends.

I am trying to break free. I work as a part time carer and he doesn't know about that due to financial/psycho games he plays. The financial side is upsetting as he is only returning money that belongs to me. I feel sick.

Sorry. I am not able to say much. I'm not sure I should have said anything.

I did report him to police but they couldn't do much.

I would like to have him deported or stopped from ever entering the UK.

He has 4 grown up kids who I believe has made them turn against him. They rebel via drugs, one suffers OCD, another is verbally and physically abusive and he plays financial games with them and poor ex wife. God why am I scraping the barrel with him?! I want to scream help me and run but my legs are frozen.

multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 11:14:21

I want to break free from in a way where he will be breaking up with me, then walk away from me and never bad mouth me to people I know or insist that we should stay freinds. I know how he thinks.

He makes out he's been there for me, a shoulder to cry on through tough times when it was me alone who got through all difficult times without a drop of alcahol or legal/non drugs.

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:27:02

Explain exactly what this money issue is please?

You can have the thread deleted when you're finished but to help you, the facts need to be known.

Did you give him money? Or is this some kind of scam?

What are the figures?

Nobody has a right to do what he is doing to you.

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:30:27

Explain the destruction thing about family and friends?

If you have good friends and family nothing will destroy this. He's manipulating you for his own power trip

What is he threatening?

When people threaten me I say bring it on. I'll deal with whatever and I'll survive. If anyone judges me or let's me drown, excellent, one less arsehole in my life.

multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 11:30:48

I gave him £100,000

multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 11:37:37

He is paying it back but in small instalments and not to make him run off with it I am just stuck in this situation.

At the time I gave it to him to keep purely to return full amount I had no one I could ask.

I trusted him. I know he spends his own money on himself and it's not mine but I still feel sick when he says he hid my money where he can only get access to it in small instalments. I have got 1 third back and feel I am trapped until I can get it all back then cease any contact with him.

At the start of giving it to him he agreed to pay it back in 3 instalments. That didn't happen.

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:37:51

Why did you do that? Where did that money come from?

Who is this man to you? How does he know people who know you?

P1nkP0ppy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:38:18

Bloody hell op 😳

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:39:06

Where is he? Do you have to ability to go and get the money by fair means or foul?

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:40:22

My sons dad owes me £60k. Yes I was a fool, but we were together 10 years.

I could have taken it back by deception last summer. I didn't.

I'm an idiot.

multicoloredbleach Sat 26-Mar-16 11:42:48

Sorry I feel really distraught. What where do I go to delete this whole thread.

I have been an idiot and am in a huge mess with this horrible man.

DoreenLethal Sat 26-Mar-16 11:44:47

So your choice is to either have a life or have no life and £100,000 which is not guaranteed either.

Hissy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:48:05

My love you made a mistake.

You're not an idiot, you trusted someone you should not have trusted.

summerwinterton Sat 26-Mar-16 11:54:19

How much has he paid you back? Can you not pursue him legally for what he owes you?

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