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Engaged Men

(22 Posts)
Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 19:16:13

Quite some many years ago now I had 2 men who were about to get married making what I would politely call 'making a play' for me. I never reacted or acted to them.

My questions are;

A. Why in the hell were they getting married then?

B. Why would they think I would be interested in someone who was about to get married?

C. Their poor future wife?

They both got married and had kids with respective wife's. I do wonder though if they are both massive players now and if their wife's are aware?

I know this has the potential to be an inflammatory post and I am not a troll just always wondered why these men get married in the first place?

WorraLiberty Fri 25-Mar-16 19:17:45

What did they say when you asked them?

Btw, I can't think of a reason why this would be considered an inflammatory post?

Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 19:31:10

Worral - I didn't ask those questions smile
It sounds bad but I can even understand a tiny bit after years of a bad marriage or something like the kind of thing you read on here but when your about to get married shock

Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 20:21:18

Can any men explain this to me or am I being massively thick? I have been known to be quite dense at times grinsmile

TwoWeeksInCyprus Fri 25-Mar-16 20:34:39

Some men seem to want to have their cake and eat it.

Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 20:36:01

Yes I suppose that's it - I have to admit I am always surprised in life how cheeky some people can be cake

TwoWeeksInCyprus Fri 25-Mar-16 20:42:03

You're not being thick at all - you just have higher morals than those men. It is truly quite shocking that they would do that to their fiancées.
And I suppose they don't really care whether you're " interested" in them or not, they're just chancing their arm.

WorraLiberty Fri 25-Mar-16 21:57:42

Nobody here knows those two particular men, so I doubt anyone can explain it to you.

It was many years ago and there's nowt as strange as folk, so I doubt you'll ever get to the bottom of it, unless you happen to bump into them again.

IrishDad79 Fri 25-Mar-16 22:33:17

Black coffee, a guy I know says he had sex with a woman on her hen night. He told me she took off her engagement ring and put it on the bedside locker before shagging him. You're a woman, can you tell me why she did this?

IrishDad79 Fri 25-Mar-16 22:34:01

Black coffee, a guy I know says he had sex with a woman on her hen night. He told me she took off her engagement ring and put it on the bedside locker before shagging him. You're a woman, can you tell me why she did this?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Fri 25-Mar-16 22:36:05

Good post, Irish grin

Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 22:38:02

That's what I'm asking - not going to flame man or woman - why do these people get married at all. I don't get it?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Fri 25-Mar-16 22:38:17

Some people are not good people. Good people struggle to understand the motivation, or the lack of worry about the consequences of the actions, of the bad people.

Don't try to understand, I don't think you can unless you share the same values. Surround yourself with good people as much as is possible.

Backtoblackcoffee Fri 25-Mar-16 22:44:23

Yes I suppose that makes sense.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sat 26-Mar-16 05:32:10

I spent 12 years with my husband and not a single man even looked at me in that time.

During the 18 months after we split, I became like catnip for married men. Friends' husbands, colleagues, friends... I was pursued by 6 married men during that time. It really dented my confidence. It was horrible. I think they assume it's flattering though!

Why do they do it? Because some men aren't as loving and faithful as their wives believe and if they think it's worth a go, they'll try. And some women are so deluded/arrogant/pathetic that they believe that these men have genuine feelings for them.

So some men try it because sometimes it works. That's all.

SecretSeven Sat 26-Mar-16 05:40:05

Not just men. I had a woman who was engaged make a pass at me.

I think getting engaged is a bit of a cop out, really. It's like marriage without commitment.

Marilynsbigsister Sat 26-Mar-16 09:46:03

One explanation is the 'last chance saloon' theory. They (man or woman) see the up coming marriage as forever...with one person. (The whole point of marriage really) and therefore want one more free shag before that happens... To me, very immature and bizarre because surely one loves the partner one is planning to marry and would not want to shag someone else. I would seriously question the motives of someone who is getting married but wants to have sex with someone else.

molyholy Sat 26-Mar-16 19:15:20

You said this happened quite a few years ago now.

I can't believe this has been playing on your mind for years. That's a bit wierd.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sat 26-Mar-16 19:25:13

moly It is a bit weird.

Backtoblackcoffee Sat 26-Mar-16 19:31:15

Yes I'm weird grin just thinking about the dynamics of marriage as I have one friend who has been divorced for many years now but would like to get married and another who is going through a horrendous separation but never married. I am their agony aunt smile

Buzzardbird Sat 26-Mar-16 19:35:46

I'm not sorry but this all sounds a bit "oh, why do men keep bothering me?" <cutesy finger in mouth> post.

Come on, you know the answer, they think you will come up with the goods, don't they?

pocketsaviour Sat 26-Mar-16 19:36:12

Many people consider anything that happens prior to marriage as irrelevant.

Hence the tradition of both men and women pulling strangers on their stag/hen nights as "one last night of freedom".

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