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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

why am I not getting any messages

47 replies

Tigger2016 · 25/03/2016 16:15

On POF? I have put my best three pictures up - have a lighthearted friendly profile - lots of views but no one seems to be interested in messaging me

OP posts:

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Vixxfacee · 25/03/2016 16:17

What kind of pictures are they?

Tigger2016 · 25/03/2016 16:20

Just head and shoulder shots

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 25/03/2016 16:23

Have you sent any messages yourself? You don't have to wait for men to message you :)

Tigger2016 · 25/03/2016 16:35

Yes - been on a week and sent three messages :/

OP posts:

CockacidalManiac · 25/03/2016 18:29

Have you had replies?

MichelleNeedsMore · 25/03/2016 18:52

Maybe try some full length or activity photos

Belikethatthen · 25/03/2016 19:01

I know it's obvious but I find the photos make a big difference. When I put on a smiley everyday photo I didn't get that many messages but when I put one on of me glammed up in a red dress I was inundated. That put me off in itself though as I know I don't look like that very often and didn't want to set myself up and disappoint someone on meeting.

I also go online at different times eg sometimes on a Monday morning when it's quiet or late Sunday night. I think more men are online late at night than women. Friday evening is lively.

I would message more men if I were you but keep it short and sweet and funny. That gets the best response rather than, I saw your profile and think we have lots in common....

kistermin1 · 25/03/2016 19:04

I keep getting POF alerts meant for some bloke in (I think) Australia. Lots of girls have wanted to chat. Unfortunately they get through to a middle aged biddy who is in UK.

As far as I can tell, the alerts go to an email and either the bloke put the email in wrong or the system had a glitch and now when he activates his account my email inbox fills up with ten or twenty messages a day.

I have never had a POF account, but you may need to check your settings.

(I do worry about the lad, he's young enough to be my son and it can't be good to not get any response)

Tigger2016 · 25/03/2016 23:33

And finally someone from POF sends me a message of more than two sentences - and it's a copy and paste job! #i give up # single forever!

OP posts:

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 26/03/2016 07:47

Tigger OLD is a numbers game, you have to give it longer than a week before giving up, and need to send more than 3 messages. Look, you don't even have a full length photo so that's working against you. I know a bloke who met a women with just a head and shoulders picture and he said never again, because physically she really wasn't his type. Many OLDers have the mindset that if you're not showing something then you're actively hiding it, so by not having a full length picture you must think doing so would put men off. Or that you can't be arsed to get another picture taken (not attractive either). Another one is never smiling in photos...some MNers have suggested that's because the person's teeth are bad.

Yes, you will get lots of timewasters, men messaging just "hi there", copy and paste messages they've sent to every woman on the site, etc, because that's par for the course. OLD is OK if you have a thick skin and are ruthless at blocking the wasters.

Belikethatthen · 26/03/2016 07:51

You know you will get more messages when you are 'live' online don't you and available to chat there and then? You can't just put your profile up and log off and expect to receive messages. You need to devote an hour or two at a time online and start a conversation or two.

MadeMan · 26/03/2016 09:10

"And finally someone from POF sends me a message of more than two sentences - and it's a copy and paste job!"

To be honest, I'm not really surprised that people send cut and paste, or simple "Hi how are you?" type messages. I know when I did online dating it became a chore after a while writing out individually tailored messages to every woman I might have been interested in and then get only a few responses.

Perhaps it was my shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror that were to blame.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 26/03/2016 22:10

"Perhaps it was my shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror that were to blame."

Or the ones of you in your pants holding a fish

Tigger2016 · 26/03/2016 22:40

Few messages tonight - but they all end up 'petering' out.
Am bored now

OP posts:

Tigger2016 · 26/03/2016 22:43

I'm
Waiting for the 'banter' post - or at least a chance to flirt .... Maybe I'm
Expecting too much - sent more messages tonight - they view my profile then don't reply - :/

OP posts:

Minime85 · 26/03/2016 22:53

I found banter came only once been chatting on there a while and maybe even moved to texting. I think the hi what are you up to messages are fine as first intros and I would respond if I liked the look of the person. It does take time and I agree about needing to be on there live chatting. The whole process is a time sensitive one and isn't going to just happen.

Tigger2016 · 28/03/2016 12:57

I'm getting messages now. I haven't changed anything though ....

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SecretsAndStuff21 · 28/03/2016 13:50

you need to send a lot more messages. Also you can only select messages that are say 30 words or more long. Great way to filter out the " Hi Babe" , messages.
Good luck, I gave up on that site years ago.

MadeMan · 28/03/2016 16:28

"Or the ones of you in your pants holding a fish"

Yep, those ones as well. I think it must be the hunter/gatherer instinct of men. In the cavemen days they would have painted a selfie on the rock wall of themselves wearing a loincloth and holding a woolly mammoth.

Itisbetternow · 28/03/2016 16:34

I found updating my profile regularly and moving the photos around kept it fresh. I also added some light hearted questions to my profile which did get the better replies to be honest as it gave the blokes something to say other than hello sexy!!! For example "red or white?" "Football or rugby?". Crap but it did help to open up conversation.

TheNaze73 · 28/03/2016 20:43

Why don't you have a picture wearing what you are most confident in?

Rummikub · 29/03/2016 01:30

I've found being on line invites more messages. Sunday evening seems to be the best time. Think 3 pictures is plenty, I've only got one picture and I'm asked for more. (Err no!)

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Tigger2016 · 29/03/2016 17:58

Why don't you have a picture wearing what you are most confident in?

I don't think a picture of me in a dustbin liner will get me any more interest to be honest

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 29/03/2016 18:21

I think the dustbin liner would work for the right person

loveyoutothemoon · 29/03/2016 18:26

Agree, stay online for a while. Are your pictures clear, close up, confident, smiley ones?

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