As of late I don't seem to be myself. It's been like this for a few years now and gradually feel like am losing myself. Looking back on old memories and the Facebook posts this time 3 or more years ago I was a different person! Feel I desperately want change. Am unhappy in our relationship of 13 years. (Preblvious threads) I am 35 this summer and have 4 children 12, 11, 3 and 10 months. I feel like I have lost my identity since we moved out into the countryside almost 8 years ago. I have a few friends, one quite close but others just to say hi too. Plus they are all 45 plus so a bit older than me and hard to find common ground :/ were we used to live W's very busy town. Where I grew up and my family and 2 very close friends still live up that way , it's busy it's vibrant it's alive!! Here its beautiful but boring. I work do from home and have an online business I spend 2.5 days working in my garage which is adapted for me to work in. My partner has a business too and works hard 6 days a week. Difference is he has employees which he gets on with amazingly well so basically very good friends who he sees daily. They have a laugh at work always sharing jokes etc..I am beginning to resent my partner more and I can't help it. He's busy having this great job with working with friends going out occasionally and having a good time whilst I am stuck in the garage working or looking after the kids :/ I have 2 horses and managed to have a few hours spare one day this week as finished work early and kids at school and nursery so I went riding. I loved it. Felt really refreshed afterward. Came home to partner moaning as I had been riding? I had been 2 hours!!
When partner finishers work understandably he is tired. However I have been stuck jn all day and when he comes back I like to have a chat. Only he doesn't want to chat. He won't tear his eyes away fro his phone he's too busy on what's app talking to his work friends or sharing funny meme and videos with them. I tell him to listen but it doesn't register he them goes to bed around 8 and watches tv and is asleep pretty quick. Rinse and repeat for 6 days a week :/ am fed up and feel like his feck in mother
So today is a beautiful day. The sun is out. Partner works outdoors and is putting up fencing today only his worker has brought his friend along and his other worker his girlfriend too?! Enjoying the sun outdoors with a cold cider and food oh and generally having a laugh. Me? Stuck at home with 4 kids . Oh came and took 3 yr old and my daughter, no invite for me!! His friends girlfriend took them for a walk round the woods (our woods) and daughter said they all had a lovely time. Grrrr why am I so pissed off?! Not sure if am over reacting or what's going on but I feel irratable snappy one minute then happy the next and everything feels fine then something will tip me over the edge and will feel down and upset again :/ I can't seem to scramble my way out and my partner doesn't seem to notice me anymore :/ I feel sad but then I will feel okay and happy. I feel I need a desperate change of scenery. I hate being indoors but yet can't seem to fathom up the energy to go out :/
Sorry for the rant it's good to let it out!
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Over-reacting?
9 replies
3rdbump · 25/03/2016 15:31
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