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Over-reacting?

(10 Posts)
3rdbump Fri 25-Mar-16 15:31:07

As of late I don't seem to be myself. It's been like this for a few years now and gradually feel like am losing myself. Looking back on old memories and the Facebook posts this time 3 or more years ago I was a different person! Feel I desperately want change. Am unhappy in our relationship of 13 years. (Preblvious threads) I am 35 this summer and have 4 children 12, 11, 3 and 10 months. I feel like I have lost my identity since we moved out into the countryside almost 8 years ago. I have a few friends, one quite close but others just to say hi too. Plus they are all 45 plus so a bit older than me and hard to find common ground :/ were we used to live W's very busy town. Where I grew up and my family and 2 very close friends still live up that way , it's busy it's vibrant it's alive!! Here its beautiful but boring. I work do from home and have an online business I spend 2.5 days working in my garage which is adapted for me to work in. My partner has a business too and works hard 6 days a week. Difference is he has employees which he gets on with amazingly well so basically very good friends who he sees daily. They have a laugh at work always sharing jokes etc..I am beginning to resent my partner more and I can't help it. He's busy having this great job with working with friends going out occasionally and having a good time whilst I am stuck in the garage working or looking after the kids :/ I have 2 horses and managed to have a few hours spare one day this week as finished work early and kids at school and nursery so I went riding. I loved it. Felt really refreshed afterward. Came home to partner moaning as I had been riding? I had been 2 hours!!
When partner finishers work understandably he is tired. However I have been stuck jn all day and when he comes back I like to have a chat. Only he doesn't want to chat. He won't tear his eyes away fro his phone he's too busy on what's app talking to his work friends or sharing funny meme and videos with them. I tell him to listen but it doesn't register he them goes to bed around 8 and watches tv and is asleep pretty quick. Rinse and repeat for 6 days a week :/ am fed up and feel like his feck in mother
So today is a beautiful day. The sun is out. Partner works outdoors and is putting up fencing today only his worker has brought his friend along and his other worker his girlfriend too?! Enjoying the sun outdoors with a cold cider and food oh and generally having a laugh. Me? Stuck at home with 4 kids . Oh came and took 3 yr old and my daughter, no invite for me!! His friends girlfriend took them for a walk round the woods (our woods) and daughter said they all had a lovely time. Grrrr why am I so pissed off?! Not sure if am over reacting or what's going on but I feel irratable snappy one minute then happy the next and everything feels fine then something will tip me over the edge and will feel down and upset again :/ I can't seem to scramble my way out and my partner doesn't seem to notice me anymore :/ I feel sad but then I will feel okay and happy. I feel I need a desperate change of scenery. I hate being indoors but yet can't seem to fathom up the energy to go out :/
Sorry for the rant it's good to let it out!

RosaRosaRose Fri 25-Mar-16 15:46:22

It must seem that nothing is 'about you' and you feel like a drudge, ignored and left out. I'm sorry that when you took some time for yourself you got moaned at. Can you talk to your husband? Or Is he too busy with his own work and friends?

3rdbump Fri 25-Mar-16 15:51:29

He won't listen. He just roll his eyes or laughs it off and says am just jealous (no just left out! ) :/ he's so moody with me also I try and talk to him but he's constantly on his phone. Meant to be meeting his parents tonight for tea in just can't be arsed I know am gonna just be angry. I can't help but give digs about his fun days and great job whilst I run around after him and kids all day. Bah...

SeaCabbage Fri 25-Mar-16 15:56:38

First of all stopping giving digs - wait until you can have a proper conversation.

He probably doesn't want to talk because he knows that's going to mean something's got to change and his life is quite dandy at the moment isn't it?

However, things can't go on like this. If I were you I would have a think first about what changes you would like to see and then tell you husband you have to find time to have a talk about things. Set a day and time and make him stick to it.

It would be interesting to ask him what he thinks your life is like, sit back and listen and see if he has any idea.

amarmai Fri 25-Mar-16 16:34:50

def go for a ride whenever you can and if he says anything ,tell him he ignores you , so why shd you stay in. Counselling wd give you the opportunity to say what you need to and maybe he'd have to listen and respond even. When the gf took your dcc for a walk, cd you have gone too - you your kids, your woods--? is it possible that he is moaning about you to his employees and that is part of this too? I'd also be checking his phone to find out what is soo important. Is it possible for you to organise work time so that you do your work when he comes home and go out in the daytime and enjoy yourself?

CantAffordtoLive Fri 25-Mar-16 17:12:42

I would like to know exactly what it is on his phone that is so interesting. If he won't hand it straight over to you I would be leaving. And I am confident that he won't give you his phone there and then, although I hope I am wrong.

You need to make it perfectly clear to him that you have had enough facilitating his busy, fun life while looking after his (and your) children and that things need to change. If they don't you will be leaving and he will be having the children EOW,

This may sound extreme but he has, at the moment, no incentive to appreciate your situation and point of view, does he?

seasideview Fri 25-Mar-16 17:48:24

I would be checking that bloody phone!

He's in bed by 8pm? So, I guess you're not having sex any more?

So, the question is, who is he having sex with?

Sorry, but this was my first thought.

ILikeUranus Fri 25-Mar-16 17:57:47

seaside probably the woman he took his 3yo out for a walk in the woods with, without taking or even inviting OP.

OP it's not you, it's him.

jkl0311 Fri 25-Mar-16 18:30:30

Keep us posted but things do seem a bit suspect. I'm agreeing with the girls on here.... Pattern emerging.

Seaside/Ilike....i thought that too, OP he has a charmed life and wont talk because then he cant have his privileged life, been there done that. Find your angry and pave the way for change. Good luck flowers for you biscuit for him, god knows he's taking it...

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