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Relationships

Just made complete dick/grovelling idiot of myself

45 replies

Haribogirl · 25/03/2016 00:41

Don't want to drip, so posted previous post to give you bit off background

www.mums-net.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2488494-Mortgage-dispute-dp-me
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2595331-Tonight-found-keepsake-card-in-DP-wallet
Last Sat night sent partner email as I can not get any way forward with him(as he never gives me any indication of his feeling/thoughts
I put that
I'm willing to move on only if it's me and only me
We put 100% into making it work
Sell the house, move, 50/50 split new house (dot on current house)

So since last Saturday Partner said we would have a chat sometime.soon
We have still been talking(just general stuff) he's been doing shopping, I've been doing shopping, both been cooking.
So for the last year this is how things have been
Getting on, going out together(although not as much as we did), doing our separate things.
Arguement, no speaking.
Getting on , going out together, doing our separate things
Arguement, no speaking

The arguements are always about the house and my DOT,

So tonight I mention when he comes back from his walk we will have that chat.
So I start with can we ever sort this mess out and move on, With the things I mentioned in email
Don't want to drip
Things he's said are
He will never ever forgive me for getting police to house last year when I found out he lied to my face where he had been for the day, which lead to massive arguement which he ended up saying he'd get a gun and shoot me and my family
Police asked problem, and I told them what he'd said
Story short. He got arrested. I was so upset, but it got took out of my hands because of what he had said he'd do. I never took it any further and all charges were dropped. He was advised by police to speak things though with me about relationship. He did , lead me to believe things were OK again.(needed to explain this to put you in picture)

He brought this up, and said he'd never forgive me for ruining he's years of no police record.
Brought up the Dot , to which I've explained again that's only in the event off
But will/can not see this.
I told him tonight that
I will I'd get rid of Dot and do 50/50 split of house and then buy new house 50/50
I got from him, your forgetting one thing
You have tried to cheat me out of my 50%, never thought of me owning 50% of this house.
I can't forget that. I've got that hanging over my head that you can call the police again when we have an arguement and get me arrested again.
He also said
If I told anybody what you've just gone on about for last 2 hours they would say
What's she on
Turn out he's told mates?? And they've said You can't have that hanging over you
I told him how I wanted it to work again between us, how much I still loved him and how saddened about how this as all come about, thinking about it at the time brought tears to my eyes, I was told oh not the tears. Why can he not see how upset/emotional I feel is real. I've all but grovelled to try and explain things/mistakes.

So what I said about dot was not enough, but yet he's not ever once said
It's over, it's finished, Why???
Wtf is he playing at?
He says he's taking each day as it comes.

I'm so sad how it's turned out probably through my terminology of words I've used in the past about the house, and he's taken the wrong way, to being so angry at the way I feel I've grovelled and tried to explain myself and got nowhere with him.

Sorry for waffling, I've nobody to share this whole mess with, family are to close

OP posts:
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Isetan · 25/03/2016 04:05

You're asking the wrong questions. It isn't 'why is he behaving this way?' but 'why am I putting up with it?' and until you can understand why you don't value yourself more (than the pitiful amount he does), then you won't move forward. However, the answers to your questions are glaringly obvious, he's a dick and is getting far to much pleasure in watching you tie yourself up in knots trying to please him, knowing that you can't because he has long checked out of your relationship.

Moving forward is your prerogative and you do not need his permission, acting like you do, is how you provide him with the opportunities to hurt you.

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leelu66 · 25/03/2016 04:34

He doesn't sound like he's worth it to be honest. He can't see how emotional you are because he doesn't care. A loving man would not threaten to shoot you and your family.

Can you explain a bit more about the house? What is a DOT, sorry? Deed of trust?

I would not be giving this man 50% of your current house or any new house.

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Summerlovinf · 25/03/2016 07:23

Don't rush to buy a house together. The relationship sounds rocky to say the least. Make plans for your own future, preferably away from this violent man.

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Belikethatthen · 25/03/2016 07:28

I cannot see any reason why you would want to stay with him. You drove yourself mad on the other thread when you found the card. How can you live like that? You are hanging on for dear life to something that is not worth saving.

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ExtraHotLatteToGo · 25/03/2016 07:36

I'm going to be very blunt because you don't appear to be hearing what people have been telling you.

He's not a good man.

You HAVE to get a grip of yourself, end it and move on.

If you don't, your life will be hell & he will own half of your current or new house as well.

You might love him, but he doesn't love you.

Do you really want to spend your whole life trying to make him & your relationship what you want them to be? You can't succeed. He is what he is. All you will do is live a very very unhappy life.

It's time to pull up your Big Girl Pants and get rid of him.

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wonkylampshade · 25/03/2016 07:36

I've read your previous threads - do not give 50% of your house to this piece of crap!

I'm sorry but it's completely beyond me why anyone, anywhere would be putting up with his bullying and gas lighting. You're living in a world of confusion and he's playing on that.

You need to give yourself a massive shake and muster enough self respect to get away from him.

Do you have anyone you can discuss this whole situation with in RL?

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wonkylampshade · 25/03/2016 07:38

Even if you give him everything you own, he's never, ever going to treat you any better.

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wonkylampshade · 25/03/2016 07:39

X Post with extrahot, but I agree with everything she has said with bells on.

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Chocolatteaddict1 · 25/03/2016 07:40

What he is doing is making you so fucking misrable you say 'it's over' and then he can shag about and wave the fact that 'you' ended it in your face when you get upset.

He is dredging things up from the past so he is really scrapping the barrel with reasons why to be an arse hole with you to justify the fact he is already in a relastionship with some one else.

pull yourself together and start getting angry at this piece of shit. Sell up snd get your money out of the house and get away from him.

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Costacoffeeplease · 25/03/2016 07:41

Forget all the 'he said' 'I said'.

You were scared enough to call the police on him - stop letting him make you feel guilty for that - that alone would make me want to walk in the opposite direction

Why is there a deed of trust, and why would you now cancel it and give him 50%?

The whole situation sounds too messed up - there's nothing to save here as far as I can see

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madmother1 · 25/03/2016 07:43

What is DOT ?

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wonkylampshade · 25/03/2016 07:45

Deed of Trust

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LittleRedSparke · 25/03/2016 08:00

Wow - is there anything good in this relationship?

I cant see any happiness in ANY of your posts, how would you feel if your DD told you what you were saying here? would you be happy?

You do deserve to be happy, you know? and from the sounds of it, you would be happier alone

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DropYourSword · 25/03/2016 08:17

Haven't read your other threads, or even the full OP. Got this far...

He brought this up, and said he'd never forgive me for ruining he's years of no police record.

You didn't do that. HE did. With his behaviour and his threats. He sounds manipulative and controlling.

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SanityClause · 25/03/2016 08:22

So you've offered to buy a house 50/50 with him, but that's not enough. He wants half of your house, too?

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LittleRedSparke · 25/03/2016 08:42

He brought this up, and said he'd never forgive me for ruining he's years of no police record.

interesting phrase as well - i didnt see this before,

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magoria · 25/03/2016 08:46

This man threatened to kill you and your family and is blaming you for calling the police.

He lies to you. Sounds like he cheats on you.

Please get out. Do not get rid of the Dot. Use it to get everything that belongs to you to help you run away from this man.

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iminshock · 25/03/2016 08:48

What is DOT

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iminshock · 25/03/2016 08:49

I mean What is a deed of trust ?

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wonkylampshade · 25/03/2016 08:52

I think it's a legal agreement which defines how ownership of the property is split. I'm assuming it's in favour or the OP, which is why he's trying to grind her down.

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gamerchick · 25/03/2016 08:53

So have you nicely forgot about what you were mad about now OP?

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Itscurtainsforyou · 25/03/2016 09:40

Oh OP - I've read your other threads. This man is horrible. He treats you badly, has no respect for you - I think the moment you got rid of the deed of trust her tell you it was over.

Please please end it. You will have so much more self-respect. Get all you are owed financially out of the house (and I mean all, don't let him bully you into accepting less) by selling it and move on without this man.

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Haribogirl · 25/03/2016 11:31

I am listening to you all ladies/guys?

The reason I get angry is because I know what he's doing/saying/treating is wrong and I need to deal with this

I need to get my self respect and self esteem up so I can move forward.
I'm angry at myself this morning for grovelling to him..

As OP said up tread he is dreading things from many years back because he's nothing else to justify how he's treating me because he is in another relationship with somebody,
and then can say it was me that ended it when people ask( this hurts )
Even though he says. What proof have I got. Em the keepsake card.

Don't think I could stay in the house when the solicitors letters start coming back and forth, as it would get to nasty verbally. He thinks he right in everything he says and can not see anything in what I say.
It's bad enough sitting in atmosphere after an argument.

The thing is if it was my DD id be telling her get the f... Out, so why I'm I sat putting up with this shit. Why why

OP posts:
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Belikethatthen · 25/03/2016 11:39

So what if he says you ended It.
You should end it!

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Costacoffeeplease · 25/03/2016 11:41

Stop engaging with him, you're getting nowhere. Make plans to end it, the quicker the better - you don't need a reason, and so what if he tells people you ended it, it's not working for you in any way now

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