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Husband touching me and himself whilst asleep

(177 Posts)
RedressAddress Thu 24-Mar-16 23:49:47

I don't know what to think of this.

I was woken up this morning by my husband. He was gropping my arse and wanking. Just after this, our older child stirred and he stopped.

I lay there, shocked and bemused, trying to make sense of it all. A few minutes after DC1 settled, he started gropping me again. He only stopped when DC2 woke a few minutes later for a feed.

I asked him WTF he was playing at, and he claimed he'd been asleep and had no recollection of it. He said he was hurt that I'd think he'd do that to me consciously and that I should trust him more.

He definitely did do that. The point is whether or not he was conscious. I don't know what to do.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 24-Mar-16 23:55:57

Not share a bed with him

Sounds like he was awake if he stopped doing it when the children woke

And don't have the kids in bed either if he's going to wank - obviously hmm

RedressAddress Thu 24-Mar-16 23:57:28

Neither is in bed with us. DC2 is in a crib. DC1 is in a different room but noisy.

TooOldForGlitter Thu 24-Mar-16 23:59:14

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LaurieFairyCake Thu 24-Mar-16 23:59:54

Ok, so it's just you we have to think about

Still means he stopped when he heard though

Can you change rooms?

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires Fri 25-Mar-16 00:00:59

You could slap/punch his tiny cock extremely hard and then claim that you were dreaming & have no recollection of what you did. wink grin. If he thinks his so called excuse works, then your "excuse" works aswell.

VocationalGoat Fri 25-Mar-16 00:01:41

Why is it so bad what he was doing?
Am I missing something?

TooOldForGlitter Fri 25-Mar-16 00:01:58

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MrsLion Fri 25-Mar-16 00:03:07

IMO he was conscious.
I'd tell him you are repulsed and disgusted by it, and that if it ever happens again he'll have to find somewhere else to sleep.

RedressAddress Fri 25-Mar-16 00:05:10

How am I being goady, Too Old?

I sent him to sleep on the sofa after it happened. I feel violated. But I don't know if he was asleep or not. If he was asleep, it's not great but it's also not within his control. If he wasn't asleep, then he was sexually assaulting me.

RedressAddress Fri 25-Mar-16 00:06:08

I'm not a troll, but thanks for the compassion Too Old

TooOldForGlitter Fri 25-Mar-16 00:07:21

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Peyia Fri 25-Mar-16 00:07:42

He clearly was awake if he was aware of your children hmm I wouldn't take issue with my derriere being caressed as that's part of a lead up to rumpy pumpy. I would take issue with him pleasuring himself whilst touching me if I was suppose to be asleep....

Maybe ask for your post to be moved to the relationship boards - there are a host of posters there that are happy to discuss.

AIBU might be a bit rough and ready in the replies.

TooOldForGlitter Fri 25-Mar-16 00:08:29

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RedressAddress Fri 25-Mar-16 00:09:09

Why would I choose to wind people up about this? I mean, seriously. It's not 'k'.

wheresthetea Fri 25-Mar-16 00:11:19

He could easily have been doing it in his sleep like he says - this is quite an interesting read en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex

RedressAddress Fri 25-Mar-16 00:11:31

I'm not new. I just name changed as this isn't something I want connected to other parts of my MN life.

Just for a moment, step out of your troll hunting world and imagine that I'm not a troll. Now imagine how you're making me feel.

TooOldForGlitter Fri 25-Mar-16 00:12:05

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Strokethefurrywall Fri 25-Mar-16 00:13:06

I'm struggling to equate arse groping whilst wanking with sexual assault if I'm honest - or are you not describing it right? Was it a squeeze of your cheeks or was he trying to stick his fingers up your bum where they're not welcome? The crux is in the details...

Tartsamazeballs Fri 25-Mar-16 00:18:08

You'll probably laugh at this, but my husband suffers from sexsomnia. He quite often does stuff like this, maybe once or twice a month. It's related to epilepsy and happens more often when he's stressed or overtired. You should get him checked out and maybe get a sleep study done if it's a new behaviour. Your husband also needs to be really careful with his sleeping arrangements if he's sleeping away from you- it's not something that will get you off the hook when it comes to rape/molestation.

For the record, my husband hates that he does it, and I've told him that it's ok, he has permission, and it's my choice as I'm continuing to share a bed with him.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Fri 25-Mar-16 00:18:16

I grabbed my dh by the willy when I was asleep once, I was murmering something about cleaning the patio so I must have thought he was the hose.

hownottofuckup Fri 25-Mar-16 00:18:40

I wouldn't presume he was awake and aware of what he was doing simply because he roused when DC called out, simply because I know I easily rouse from sleep when the DC call out and can quickly go back to sleep after. I don't know if it's different for men and women but I wouldn't presume it is.
How is he generally? Has anything happened before to add to your unease?

Ginkypig Fri 25-Mar-16 00:19:37

Stoke replace bum with breast or vulva would that make it different?

No one should ever touch another person while they are asleep in a sexual way ever.

Having been through this and then it progressing to rape while I slept I'll say he probably wasn't asleep but I wasn't there so obviously I don't know

loveslily Fri 25-Mar-16 00:19:41

My DP has been known to do all sorts in his sleep. Talking, sleep walking, elbowed me in the boob, kicked me in the shin, squeezed my bum, to name but a few. Then the other day I was dreaming of something and threw my arms up and almost rugby tackled him around the neck. Just give him a good jab in the cock and say you were asleep.

BreconBeBuggered Fri 25-Mar-16 00:20:52

I'm completely lost here.

Why is this a wind-up/goady fucker/blatant troll? It seems way too mundane to be worth inventing.
Unwanted husbandly arse-groping would be annoying, yes, but you'd tell him to stop and hand him his own arse on a plate if he didn't, surely?
Man wanks in own bed - hold the front page.

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