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I need a slap!

(21 Posts)
Daisychainbum Thu 24-Mar-16 16:58:18

Ok so before you all say it I know I'm a selfish bitch and the scum of the earth but need to write this somewhere to make me see sense!

I have been with dp for almost 10yrs and have 3 dcs together! I haven't been happy for ages and have been trying to sort things with him but he just never listens and thinks everything is great! This isn't the point though as it doesn't excuse anything.

Anyway I'm friends with a couple who also have dcs who live nearby, I go round theirs a lot and see them out and about! Anyway I have started running and was telling them about it and she suggested I went out with her husband as he was a keen runner! I have no idea why but I've been going out for the last few weeks and haven't mentioned to my partner that we do mainly because I knew he would have a problem with it. There's been nothing happening we just run and chat so not sure why I felt the need to hide it.

Well I say nothing happening I was round there's Monday and taking about how something broke in our house hes a builder so she suggested he could help fix it. He came round yesterday and just before he left he turned round and kissed me which led into other things.

I really don't know what happened I'm not someone who does this kind of thing I've only ever been with two people in my life and both times it was in committed relationships. I feel kind of in shock that it even happened. I have become the type of person I hate and can't even explain why I did it. What the hell is wrong with me I feel so bad doing it his wife is lovely and I'd never want to do anything to upset her. I don't know what I'm asking for here but needed to get it off my chest! I'm such a horrible person!

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble just need to tell someone!

Jan45 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:04:00

You've behaved appallingly, that poor woman, some friend you are.

Stop it now, stop the running, the chatting and step right back, in fact, see her but not him, you know you can't.

If you do, you are playing with fire and expect trouble.

Leave your current relationship, don't look to someone or something else to grab you from it, stand on your own two feet and set about separating, it's not that big a deal really, folk are doing it every day.

NewNameNotTheSame Thu 24-Mar-16 17:35:45

Oh god, how cliché. Ditch your partner so he can find someone who actually loves and respects him, and stay the hell away from other people's husbands. Really is quite simple when you take the drama out of it.

All0vertheplace Thu 24-Mar-16 18:24:06

You're not a horrible person. People on here are far too binary on this stuff. There's a continuum, and you're definitely on it, but the real test is what do you do now? It seems things with your DH are coming to an end. Are you willing to honour that and get out of your marriage? (Needless to say, probably a good idea to stay away from this guy until you sort yourself out.)

ExtraHotLatteToGo Thu 24-Mar-16 18:38:53

Oh. Feck.

You're not a horrible person, but you did something horrible to a friend & your DP.

However, all the handwringing in the world isn't going to undo that, so you just need to work out how to move forward.

Has this given you some clarity about your relationship with your DP?

It was sex, it was once, if they are good friends & you aren't now attracted to him & wanting more, then I'd try to get past it. However, if you are attracted to him & think a repeat would happen, then you need to either stop seeing them or only see her/them together and make sure there's no opportunity for another encounter.

OneLove10 Thu 24-Mar-16 18:45:30

Sorry but I actually think you are horrible and pathetic. What a dirty friend you are! Your lovely friend being so trusting, shame on you. It's a wonder why you felt your Dh would have a problem with you , you obviously do this stuff.

Chocolatteaddict1 Thu 24-Mar-16 18:49:33

Meh , if my Dh shagged my mate I'd think he was a pretty bad person.

Also I hope my mate would have the decency to fuck off to the far side of fuck you and not turn up at my house pretending to be my mate.

I think you should ditch the poor bloke as from your op you don't even want to be there. Hope you havnt caught anything !

ExtraHotLatteToGo Thu 24-Mar-16 18:51:31

'You obviously do this stuff'


She has sad she has previously only ever been wth one bloke before her DP, she's hardly a serial adulterer. She knows it was wrong & clearly feels awful already, there's really no need to so inaccurately & nastily put the boot in.

All0vertheplace Thu 24-Mar-16 19:12:19

I agree, there is a jaw dropping level of vitriol on here -- yes she did something regrettable, yes she shouldn't have done it, but she's hardly the monster some are making her out to be.

HoppingForward Thu 24-Mar-16 19:22:12

It was a horrible thing to do to your friend and I hope you cut ties and don't continue to pretend to be friends.

What do you want to do about your relationship with your husband?

Vintage45 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:23:32

What a mess!

Because of your lack of anything in your relationship you ended up shagging the husband. The husband saw an opportunity and did the same.

I'm not here to judge you OP like some others but that poor woman!

Things do happen but extract yourself from the situation now and sort your own shit out.

Roses43 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:25:24

Never pooh on your own doorstep. Trust me, he will never be worth it. When it hits the fan he's going to dump you like a hot potato.
Oh the chaos it'll cause if you continue.
Join a proper running club and keep your eyes off the men hmm
It was a monumental mistake. Do not rinse and repeat.

CockacidalManiac Thu 24-Mar-16 19:28:39

It's getting like Dear Deidre round here.

Roses43 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:38:17

I'm starting running soon op smile in June.
Nobody is going to be wanting to kiss me. I will be a sweating, sobbing, red faced, smelly bedraggled mess after ten minutes blush
Hope you can sort things and be a bit happier at home in time. It sounds miserable.
I wasn't a stayer sad I left mine when my dd was 6. Lovely man and still amicable, we were just going in different directions. All worked out for the best in the end. There was no other men or women involved though. Lose the runner and sort out what you want to do at home.
Good luck with it all.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Thu 24-Mar-16 19:44:51

"yes she did something regrettable"

You make it sound like she forgot to pick up the dry cleaning or left her house keys at work.

Roses43 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:51:04

Dry cleaning shock shit I don't even iron!

HeffalumpHistory Thu 24-Mar-16 19:51:28

You have a lovely friend, your DP dotes on you & you decide to fuck them both over?
You & the FH deserve each other angry
That poor woman has been nothing but a friend to you.
If you felt things were that bad with your DP you should have left. Or at least put your feelings bluntly to him so he'd have to listen.

It's a pathetic excuse imo

Vintage45 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:01:39

Just because someone dotes on you doesn't mean you reciprocate. We grow away from partners all the time just because we do, falling out of love is not a crime.

Wanting what you can't have isn't a crime either. I find it weird that the OP's friend would even suggest them running together.

Maybe she whants shot of him too?

ItsALuigi Thu 24-Mar-16 20:18:00

I can never understand these scenarios.

Going from kissing to presumably sex at any point does one not think "shit wtf am i doing?" Even if i did ever kiss anyone by else by 'mistake', i have no idea how people get to the end without completely freaking out and feeling odd.

Maybe I'm a bit of a weirdo.

Vintage45 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:27:38

Ok so, just say you have a jezebel(a person that is too weak to get out of a relationship in this case) for want of a better word then you have a bloke that's married to someone else who fucks the jezebel. Who's in the wrong?

I'd say the jezebel for being such a manipulative bitch and the bloke that cheats on his wife.

However, who knows why the jezebel became one and why the bloke wants to shag another.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Hence no real judgement going on here.

BolshierAryaStark Thu 24-Mar-16 21:53:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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