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First Date

(10 Posts)
Sweetsweetjane Thu 24-Mar-16 12:47:36

What do you share? I have myriad mental and physical health probs, not in any way obvious unless I choose to share the info.
I have a hugely chequered background from childhood onwards and my relationship is disastrous.
I, of course, dont plan to blurt all this stuff out at first meeting (we have met once, introduced by mutual friend but it was a crowded busy environment)
As you can probably tell from this, one of my issues is anxiety! I had no intention of dating, fingers burned a few times and I just wanted to concentrate on my kids and my life. Being asked out didnt factor in my plans but he seems like a nice guy and I cant see any reason to turn him down.
We have had a few text convos, some silly banter, some every day stuff. he hasnt said anything to alarm me but this is how my brain works: now I am fixated on all the things he might not like about me and am worried thst aspects of me will ring alarm bells for him!

Summerlovinf Thu 24-Mar-16 13:01:10

Start with silly banter, everyday stuff etc and see where it goes from there? Enjoy it...it's not a therapy session...you don't HAVE to disclose on date 1 (or ever).

Sweetsweetjane Thu 24-Mar-16 13:16:38

Brilliant thank you. I haven't done proper dating for over eight years and back then I didn't have a lot of the 'issues' I have now!

nicenewdusters Thu 24-Mar-16 14:06:39

Definitely stick with the everyday, light banter. You need, in my opinion, to really know and trust somebody before you share intimate details with them. You're not lying to him, I have close friends with whom I haven't shared certain details of my life. These details aren't relevant to our friendship, and you need to maintain your personal space.

Just go, remember he's probably as nervous as you, and have fun. Good luck.

Sweetsweetjane Thu 24-Mar-16 17:21:00

Thank you, I am never sure what's over sharing as opposed to withholding information! Good to hear some rational views 😊🙂
Should have also said in my op, my relationship *history is disastrous. I am not in a relationship currently.

LovePGtipsMonkey Thu 24-Mar-16 17:31:13

you need to get back to this question only if you are sure you like HIM first so focus on that rather than whether he likes you - he obviously does already superficially as he asked you out. If you decide to go on more dates than it's perfectly to leave the heavy subjects until you think he is a BF material potentially.

YOu are not deceiving him as you both don't know whether you'll be going into a proper relationship - if and when you do, then yes you do need to tell him gradually, I' d think tell him something once you agree to exclusivity and then go gradually from there. Wait for his reaction/feedback before getting too involved emotionally and before telling more, make sure you know that he is kind, trustworthy.

Sweetsweetjane Sun 27-Mar-16 21:55:32

Update: had a brill night, much mirth and dancing. He is a nice guy and I didn't divulge any of the darkness.

I did break the no sex on first date rule but I wanted to and it was great.

Apparently he wants to see me again, we shall see.
He is gorgeous and clever and funny but I don't know where my head is at with regards to dating. I find it stressful fitting in the essentials of my daily life and generally find relationships hard work. Will see what happens.

slimochuda Mon 28-Mar-16 10:01:00

That sounds great. Am really happy you had such a good time in every way. As things progress in whatever way they do or don't you will see whether this is a good fit with your life and him too. I would certainly have agreed not to divulge too much too soon and it sounds like this worked. I think someone would respect someone's need to think and step back before committing to a relationship so well done. I too have had darkness in my life as well as light and I learned to be very selective about who and when to tell. But if he is attracted to you, the whole you he gets to know, this will be just another part of your appeal in a funny way. I am a single man and the other SM I know are all rather insecure about something or everything, plus we are insecure about being insecure so please remember the person you are getting to know is likely to have their own issues too. And best of luck, it makes me happy to hear nice outcomes like this.

Sweetsweetjane Mon 28-Mar-16 23:00:39

SLimochuda what a lovely reply, thank you. It has been a nice experience so far. He's been in touch regularly since and has been clear that he wants to see me again but has not pushed for anything. I'm not one of life's great planners and due to my health , kids, work etc really really value my own space inasmuch as I can sometimes resent making plans with people especially if I'm in poor health.
I think it could be a slow burner from my point of view, he doesn't seem desperate to Get into a 'thing' and has recently split from someone, he said he'd sworn off dating prior to meeting me as his life is quite busy, he has a child too, we must be in a similar headspace as I'd sworn off men too.
Wishing you all the best 🙂

Sweetsweetjane Mon 04-Apr-16 23:47:35

Second date tomorrow! Lovely restaurant to look forward to 🙂

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