Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Don't know what to do or feel

(4 Posts)
GrammarTool Wed 23-Mar-16 23:33:01

I think I just need some hand holding here.

I've been in a 5-month-long relationship with a man I love as much as you can after such a short time.

Probably doomed from the start as he had only separated from his wife of 22 years 3 months before we met, and I had only been separated from my husband of 11 years for 5 months. Yes, I know, I know....

I'm not stupid and I don't have my head buried in the sand so I know there was a lot of void filling, loneliness avoidance, rebounding, whatever behind us getting together. This wasn't the sum total of it though - also plenty of emotional, intellectual and physical attraction.

He acted really committed to a long term relationship with me. Started getting involved in small ways with my dc (aged 10 & 12). Lots of future talk.

Over the last few weeks he has become more emotionally distant. Little things missing, like no xx at the end of texts, not calling me pet name any more, not very enthusiastic about seeing me. Swore that everything was ok, just stressed. Coincidentally (or not) the start of him pulling away was when he went off his antidepressants.

Yesterday my anxiety about his distant behaviour hit a tipping point, and I told him I needed to know whether he was 'in' this or not.

He told me he didn't know what he wanted or how he felt. Asked me to give him 2 weeks max to sort out what was in his head - basically to decide if he wants to be with me. Said he still has feelings for me.

This all comes 3 weeks before he was meant to join me for part of an overseas holiday- accommodation, flights etc all booked and paid for.

So do I treat this as a break up so I don't hold on to false hope for the next agonising 2 weeks? Will 'waiting' just delay or prolong the heartbreak I'm already feeling?

This is all such a fucking red-flag-ridden cliche, but why does it hurt so much? Was I kidding myself that things could work? Could they still work? I just don't know what to do or feel sadsad

Thanks for reading anyway

Summerlovinf Wed 23-Mar-16 23:40:22

I think you've answered your own question and you know you are over-committed for the stage of the relationship, particularly given circumstances for both you and him. If you want to go away with him, you could try cooling right off and then going on a more casual (fun) basis.

LovePGtipsMonkey Thu 24-Mar-16 00:48:28

no I think it could genuinely be just a wobble due to coming off ADs, he did say he had feelings. Even if it wasn't for ADs, some people aer prone to wobbles early onj in r-ships. I think you need to do just that, give him a bit of space. After that is he is not very forthcoming, then leave it.

TheNaze73 Thu 24-Mar-16 09:10:34

I agree with summerlovinf It all just seems like too much too soon. Without wanting to emphasise the rebound aspect of this, probably for both of you, this all sounds way over committed for 5 months. I know we're all different & work at different speeds but, I didn't introduce my children to anyone for over 5 years after leaving my marriage. The best thing you can do, is be alone & work out fully what you want. Your happiness should not have to depend on a partner, especially one so raw, from a previous relationship. It's a shame, he came on so fast, so soon as that's probably blurred the lines

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now