Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Your Opnion / What would you do

(33 Posts)
TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 14:16:22

OK so I have been with the husband for 15 years married for 2 and have 2 kids I recently went to the doctors as I was having problems down below and it turns out I have Clymadia I 100% have not been else where while with him, I then got another test to be sure and it tested positive - I then got him tested and his test come back negative? Now I'm confused - he turned round and said he hasn't cheated and the only thing he can think of is if he done something when drunk? He also hasn't accused me off anything bearing in mind that I've tested positive and him negative? He has recently had antibiotics for an ear infection - wonder if that would give him his negative result - just looking for your Opnion would you say he has cheated? He has previous cheated when I was pregnant with my eldest 6 years ago - and has anyone forgiven someone cheating twice? It took me ages to get over the first one but hard when you love someone but then the saying goes once a cheat always a cheat if I forgive the second time am I setting my self up for him to do it over and over again

CheersMedea Wed 23-Mar-16 15:16:34

Depending on the antibiotics then yes that could explain his negative result. Or he could be lying about the negative result?

When were you last tested for Chlamydia? It is often symptomless so you could have had it for a while and not known. It is possible that you could have had it after he last cheated?

If you've had a more recent clear test and now you have it, he's got it from somewhere.


TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 15:25:28

He did show me his results.

I made him get tested the first time he cheated which come back clear, I had a clear STI test when we first got together and I'm sure you get tested when pregnant too

DarrenHardysDrongo Wed 23-Mar-16 15:33:06

So he said he was on antibiotics recently, for 'an ear infection'. Do you know for certain that he absolutely definitely did have an ear infection and that wasn't just a convenient cover for his taking antibiotics?
His response to you telling him that you have chlamydia is quite unusual IMO. Especially how he offered up that he may have cheated when drunk....

Summerlovinf Wed 23-Mar-16 15:48:17

I find his 'maybe when drunk' comment unusual too...confused

TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 15:48:22

He does generally struggle with his ears he has done since we meet but am thinking taking them may have cleared him up and strange why he hasn't accused me - such a mess

DarrenHardysDrongo Wed 23-Mar-16 15:58:17

Do you trust him or not? Since the last time he did it, what steps has he taken to strengthen your relationship and more importantly to regain your trust?

Divathecat Wed 23-Mar-16 16:07:44

I think that you have your answer in the lack of accusation, if I had an STI my DH wouldn't be calm about it.

His Anti Biotics must have cleared his infection, I would get straight onto a course yourself and start demanding the truth. Regards forgiveness etc only you can decide that when you know the truth. is Relate (or similar) an option?

TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 16:08:09

To be fair he hasn't done a lot to strengthen the relationship - he was working abroad the first time he done it which was 6 years ago and when I found out I asked him to move back home to be with me and the coming baby and he didn't

FellOutOfBedTwice Wed 23-Mar-16 16:18:08

At the end of the day, it's come from somewhere and you know that it's not you. If he has cheated, what will you do?

loveyoutothemoon Wed 23-Mar-16 16:35:07

Yep sounds like it wasn't an ear infection but chlamydia. Sorry.

TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 16:37:18

I think I've gotta walk getting over it the first time was hard enough and it's the not knowing this time that's doing my head in all his saying is that excuse still but like you say if I haven't done it he has and his playing with my health

Joysmum Wed 23-Mar-16 16:51:05

Do you remember if the antibiotics were azithromycin?

This drug is used to treat both ear infections and chlamydia.

Cabrinha Wed 23-Mar-16 17:44:30

Oh you poor thing sad
The ear infection antibiotics may have been a cover, or he may have 'got lucky' that he was genuinely unaware that he had chlamydia, was symptomless, and happened to have the same antibiotics that would deal with both. False negative test is also possible.

Fact is, you know it had to have come from him.

Like others, I see guilt in the reply about being drunk - WTAF?!!! So he's setting his excuse up right there if you push this.
This is, it's OK to end a marriage because you choose not to be with someone who happily says "oh I might cheat on you if I'm drunk". Really? Fuck that.

He is a cheat, you know that. He did nothing to repair the damage last time, you know that. And he's given you an STI, you know that.

He's not worth it love. Nor is the risk of the next thing he gives you. Gonorrhoea is getting quite common. And there's always HIV.
More than any emotional betrayal, I didn't forgive my XH for putting me through going for a fucking HIV test.

LosingTheWillToSkate Wed 23-Mar-16 18:04:16

Azithromycin is used to treat heaps of things.

TRIX33 Wed 23-Mar-16 18:42:17

He was on something called Factive

Iamdobby63 Wed 23-Mar-16 19:01:29

I'm sorry but I agree with the others especially because of how he responded.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 23-Mar-16 21:33:37

Sorry op I'de say unconsciously he's told you yes he's cheated

Joysmum Wed 23-Mar-16 21:37:27

I'm sorry, that's not one I know of and my knowledge is very rusty do I wouldn't want to set you in the wrong direction.

Maybe a trip to the docs is the best bet to answer your concerns.

Cabrinha Thu 24-Mar-16 06:58:03

An amateur Google suggests that Factive is usually for respiratory infections.
But... there's just no point trying to play detective. Trust me, I've been there. It's unlikely you'll find proof.
What you know is that he has given you chlamydia because you know you haven't slept with anyone else.

Joysmum Thu 24-Mar-16 10:45:51

I think that too but the OP could do with some solid impartial info from someone professional to cement her feelings and her her articulate to DH without him tying her up in knots, as I suspect he'll try to wriggle out of it and follow the script.

Getting a doctor to explain things will be very useful in arming her on how best to tackle the next step.

TRIX33 Thu 24-Mar-16 13:16:15

I did speak to the STI clinic who said the same it had to come from somewhere so if it wasn't me it him - think I was just looking for alternative ways as I don't want to believe it but know deep down the facts are there as he has strayed yet again

Iamdobby63 Thu 24-Mar-16 16:24:31

I'm sorry OP, what will you do?

TRIX33 Thu 24-Mar-16 21:11:22

Think I will have to walk forgiven the first time was hard enough

Snarkmaiden Thu 24-Mar-16 21:38:11

Factive/gemifloxacin is a broad spectrum antibiotic used (among other things) for treatment resistant Chlamydia and gonorrhoea. It's usually prescribed for lower RTIs and atypical pneumonia so, but is one of a class of antibiotics increasingly used to treat bacterial STIs.
Sorry that you're going through this, OP.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now