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me again, need emotional support and practical advice

(14 Posts)
RainbowDashed Tue 22-Mar-16 19:12:27

I've had a couple of threads about dh, about his selfish behaviour etc etc.

This afternoon I asked him to leave. He's gone. All very civilised unlike last time, he was upset, I was upset, our children were upset but no shouting and all done together.

He left saying he has nowhere to go (he can book a hotel, we have the money) and gave me his house keys and the debit card for our account. He told me to look after the girls because he didn't know when he'd see them again, I had told him and them that they can see him whenever they want.

Kids very sad but ok.

I feel sick I am so scared of what he'll say or do next. I can feel a load of guilt tripping behaviour coming my way and I can't help but worry about him. He's diabetic and likely to get very ill very quickly if he doesn't look after himself.

What the fuck has happened to my life.

RainbowDashed Tue 22-Mar-16 19:18:50

Maybe I should ring his parents, get them to check on him. He doesn't have anyone else.

RandomMess Tue 22-Mar-16 19:21:33

Are his parents local?

He is a grown man and yes he should be capable of looking after himself and his own blood sugar levels.

Pinkheart5915 Tue 22-Mar-16 19:26:26

Well done, you have taken a massive step.

In a way he has already started guilt tripping you by saying things like, I don't know where I'll go, I don't know when I'll see the kids next. Don't let him guilt trip you though.

Try not to worry about him, you've put up with his selfish behaviour all this time so now it is your time to be happy and think of yourself and your dc.
He may have diabetic but he is a grown man and should know how to look after himself, he is not your responabillity.

Look to your and the children's future.

RainbowDashed Tue 22-Mar-16 19:55:40

His parents are 100 miles away.

He has form for this kind of bullshit, hence me asking him to go. You're quite right pinkheart. Its like my head knows but I cant let myself relax.

I am talking to my sister and friend who know what he's like. They are saying the Sam.

Just need to stop the panic rising and not hit the wine

Talking on here and in rl is helping so thank you

Babieseverywhere Tue 22-Mar-16 20:29:16

He is falling back on his oft used 'sick' card.

But he is a grown adult who needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He is not your third child.

Don't ring his parents.

Turn on some rubbish TV and make yourself a tea with sugar.

Babieseverywhere Tue 22-Mar-16 20:30:42


bitchingtwitching Tue 22-Mar-16 20:33:12

My ex went heavy on the guilt tripping behaviour, including suicide threats - it is incredibly hard to deal with but you literally have to tell yourself over and over, you are not responsible for him.

RainbowDashed Tue 22-Mar-16 20:39:31

If he starts with the suicide threats I'll fucking kill him myself. I lost a.close family member to suicide, before I met dh, but hr knows about it and the effect it had on the whole family.

Dd1 and I have had loads of sugary tea <weak grin>

I have such a headache. Cant stop crying. Dd2 has gone to bed easily enough but I doubt she'll stay there all night. Dd1 now watching telly in her room. I've gone to bed, told them both to come in if they need me.

RainbowDashed Tue 22-Mar-16 20:40:38

It's.odd. I am not sobbing or anything like that but my eyes wont atop leaking and they feel like they're going to pop out of my head.

Babieseverywhere Tue 22-Mar-16 20:47:12

You have been though so much these last few months. It us going to take a while to get use to things being different.

Let the tears fall, as they may. Sweet dreams. Tomorrow is a bright new day.

Pinkheart5915 Wed 23-Mar-16 09:58:35

How are you doing today?

RainbowDashed Wed 23-Mar-16 13:36:58

I am ok. Thank you for asking. Had a difficult morning but feeling better now.

H has got an appt with a private psychotherapist and also has a hosp appointment in a couple of months to discuss his issues around his chronic illness.

Thing is I have been asking him to do this for months, years even and he's only really pushed for it since I told him I wanted him to leave. Part of me wants to give him a chance but part of me thinks its too late, it should never have got this bad before he did something to help himself.

He's been texting me, he seems to be saying the right things but the problem is, I don't trust him not to start the abuse again if I let him back and everything settles down.

He has somewhere to stay for the next week so that will help me gather my thoughts in peace. I do miss him though which has blindsided me, I was expecting just to feel relief.

So for now I have parked the kids in front of the telly and I'm having a half hour soak and distracting myself on here.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 23-Mar-16 17:45:53

He isn't even seeing the hospital for a couple of months. Psychotherapy take years. So you won't know if he is committed to the process and is genuinely helping himself for ages and ages and ages.

Letting him back now before he has even been to an appointment never mind proved engagement and shown results would be strange, especially when his behaviour is so entrenched. You wouldn't be helping him to get better. You would be helping him to avoid getting better.

Maybe tell yourself (and him) that in 2 years time if he has managed to sort himself out them you'll discuss the possibility of getting back together, if you are both still interested in that.

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