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How many people really have deleted an ex after just being dumped?

(34 Posts)
Jollyphonics Tue 22-Mar-16 17:37:57

I'm curious about this. I see a lot of threads on here from people who are in the acute stages of grief for relationships that have ended, usually the early weeks/months, and the advice is always the same - go NC, delete, block, avoid any contact at all costs.

I'm wondering - does anyone actually manage to do this, when they're at their most raw painful time, when every fibre in their being wants to be with the person who's dumped them?

I've been dumped several times in my life, from long and short relationships, but I've never been able to block someone. I just found it too hard. I've usually managed to stay relatively friendly with them, and that has actually helped me to stop idolising them, and enabled me to see them as a normal person, rather than the deity they became in my mind after they rejected me. A couple of times I've not stayed friends, due to their new partner opposing it, and so I've gone NC through no choice of my own. I have to say, in these instances, my recovery hasn't been any faster or slower than the ones I've stayed in contact with.

Of course it's each to their own, but am I so unusual in this experience of deleting/blocking not necessarily being the answer?

Obviously this doesn't apply to abusive relationships, where as little contact as possible is the best option I'm sure.

expatinscotland Tue 22-Mar-16 17:43:22

I have. I've also left places entirely.

DowntonDiva Tue 22-Mar-16 17:52:22

Yes exDP motivated by how cruel he treated me when breaking up.

Blocked on every social media outlet, deleted number. Deleted every email sent/received and best friend came round and bagged up all belongings (which I sent to his parents) and any momento that reminded me of him went in the bin. It was horrendously painful the first couple of weeks but the healthiest "recovery" from a break up I've ever had.

The pain whilst crippling made me motivated to not be defined by someone's cruel actions and allow this person to tar my life going forward.

I went on to date DP 6 months later and entered into that relationship with a "free" heart and no baggage. I also believe the "detox" from ex and time on my own was the reason I chose to be with someone who loves me the way I'm supposed to be loved (pass the sick bucket wink).

CleopatrasDaughter Tue 22-Mar-16 17:54:41

Yes.

It was incredibly hard. It hurt (physically). I felt I was going mad for about a month.

But it got easier and easier...and I felt more and more in control, empowered and happy with my decision as time went on. I came away with my self respect intact, which was no comfort in the early days, but was massively important later on down the line.

Mag314s Tue 22-Mar-16 17:56:46

I did but we were only together 7 weeks. Id do the same again tho now i know it is the best way to forget

TheNaze73 Tue 22-Mar-16 18:02:22

Always use to do it. I'm the prize, if they don't see it, they can F* off. One ex accused me of not caring when she dumped me about 5 years ago. Weirdo! Lol

Jollyphonics Tue 22-Mar-16 18:04:47

Seems like I'm the only one then!

magratsflyawayhair Tue 22-Mar-16 18:12:58

Me! But he was a stalking weirdo who went on to threaten me. My mate helped Me stand up to him and get the ex to bugger off and I ended up with the mate for three years. I'm still friends with the second guy though.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Tue 22-Mar-16 18:16:12

I immediately deleted my ex and his family from social media.

I found it hard to stop texting or calling - didn't manage that right away. But I built it up over time. I think just try your best to go NC. You will have lapses but eventually you won't want to speak to him any more.

curren Tue 22-Mar-16 18:24:25

I did. It gave me a sense of relief. I wasn't spending days considering texting him or messaging him on FB.

I didn't have to worry about going on FB and seeing his face.

It helped me move on

Shameandregret Tue 22-Mar-16 18:31:38

I do it all the time. As soon as the dumping is done (either way) I delete and block off social media and phone block numbers (iPhones are a joy for this).

I just don't see the point. They are an ex for a reason. Although the guy I was FWB for the past 18 months gets deleted and readded regularly. We have mutual (best) friends, who are a couple and they say they know when we were back sleeping with each other as we add each other on FB again grin

ComtesseDeSpair Tue 22-Mar-16 18:34:16

I haven't, but I've never had a bad break up which necessitated me to slice somebody from my life like a worm from an apple for the sake of my own wellbeing (and my two long-term relationships involved joint houses and finances and the like, which would have made total NC near-impossible anyway.)

I've had several shorter term relationships where contact has just drifted off naturally very shortly after the break up, in that I stopped feeling the need to stay I touch.

littleleftie Tue 22-Mar-16 18:37:49

Yes - why wouldn't you? Unless it was an amicable break up and there were no feelings left on either side, but I have never had a break up like that!!!

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Tue 22-Mar-16 18:50:57

I did. My ex was a good friend before we went out and we talked about everything. After we had split for a couple of months, he asked me advice about dating someone. I ended up giving him advice and then ringing him back to tell him to NC me again and give me space to get over our relationship. He did. It helped and for a while later on we were mates again. We lost touch but heard recently he got married and I really do wish him well smile

crazyhead Tue 22-Mar-16 19:38:04

Yep, deleted - but did hedge a bit. Put phone number inside envelope with instructions of where I needed to be at mentally to open it. Never opened it as I was well over him by that stage.

LeanneBattersby Tue 22-Mar-16 20:16:55

Yep. Have had three bad breakups in my life. I cope very, very poorly with heartbreak. It consumes me.

#1 and #2 were dragged out over weeks and months of heartache with talks, the pretence of being friends, drunken texting etc. By #3 I'd learned my lesson and blocked everything immediately. It was totally liberating and the easiest time I've had after a breakup. Can really recommend it.

Ahappynewmummy Tue 22-Mar-16 20:21:07

I tried to block my abusive ex but I had him messaging me from his parents phone and kept getting new numbers. I was blackmailed into talking/seeing him. it got that bad I went to the police and all they advised me was to change my number. in the end (six months after me trying nc) my dad had to tell him to stop and threatened him to take him to court as he had legal advice (he didn't just empty threats). had one last message then that was it just under 3 years ago.

Jollyphonics Tue 22-Mar-16 20:58:46

I guess my dating days were a long time ago, and things were different then. There was no Facebook, and texting was in it's infancy, so it was phone calls mainly. I can imagine removing someone from Facebook if I really didn't want to see happy updates from them. But for me it's always felt more natural to gradually wind down a relationship rather than go from seeing eachother every day to never speaking again. Most of my break-ups have been pretty amicable though.

Piemernator Tue 22-Mar-16 21:08:23

All my break ups have been very final though like you were at a time when mobiles etc were not commonplace.

However I did the dumping so maybe that is the difference. I was very much why would I waste energy on them they are out of my life now. They were not especially hostile. . Suppose I can do the compartmentalising that is oft talked about on here but seen as a man thing though I'm a woman.

Saltfish Tue 22-Mar-16 21:31:56

Yep and no regrets either. I can't understand why anyone would want to check up on an ex via social media either. Who cares?

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 22-Mar-16 21:45:18

I have. And I've also done the long drawn out kind where you get suckered back in midway for another round of misery.

I recommend deleting.

Mag314s Tue 22-Mar-16 21:51:09

Jollyphonics, I do know what you mean about the gradual wind down. When that man dumped me (only last month) to begin with it seemed really weird that I would just never see him again. But now I find it hard to believe i ever went out with him. It was kind of like a brush with a celebrity. The whole thing felt unreal.

summerwinterton Tue 22-Mar-16 22:03:32

Yep I did too, 17 year relationship. No contact, got all his stuff bagged up and collected. He did reappear but vanished again when he went back to OW. No clue where he is now - thank goodness.

CrystalSkull Tue 22-Mar-16 22:50:09

Yes! I've done it, too. I like the plaster analogy - it's much more painful at the time to just rip the plaster off, but it's so much better in the long run. If you can get through the first few hours/days/weeks - even if you have a couple of moments of weakness - it gets easier. Going NC really does help you heal and it's worth following it through, in my experience.

CantGetYouOutOfMyHead Tue 22-Mar-16 23:05:37

I find this thread interesting. ExH and I have four young children together. We live -separately - in a small community. If I block completely (as I have done in the past), then I hear what exH is up to from my kids or from our mutual friends. My mask slips when that happens. By online stalking not blocking him, I am at least equipped for news of his latest fab holiday or outstanding cultural experience or his dull dull attempts to run 5k in less than an hour. I can see that this still ties me to him and allows his behaviour to influence my life, but the alternative proved extremely difficult to grit my teeth through. Oh, did I mention the four children and the very small community?

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