Relationship

[00tessy222]

Hello everyone I've got a problem and don't no who else to talk to about it so if u could kindly give me some advice it's abit crude lol

I'm 26 years old I have a partner I've been with for 10 years and we have 2 kids together we are very happy except in the bedroom he is a very selfish lover and I think I'm going mad with it he gets all he wants and then exspects litraly 2 min of sex and that's it he hasn't got a clue about 4 play I have spoke to him time and time and time and time again about this and expressed how depressed it's making me I feel like there is something wrong with me and I'm so sexually frustrated it's untrue he can do the things I want and had b4 (after I mowned yet agen) but then that's it bk to all about him and 2 min sex I'm just so sick of it and it's making me not want to have sex with him and it's making us argue coz I'm so angry with it clearly I've talked to him time and time again about it and nothing has changed j love him so much and just want to feel close to him I'm sick of pleasing myself it's just not the same how can we get over this I don't want to leave him as we are happy and have 2 kids together but what else can I do 😔😔 please someone give me some advice

[loveyoutothemoon]

What does he come out with when you mention it?

[00tessy222]

Well for example couple weeks bk he went Spain with his mates for 3 days weekend biking and we was texting how we Carnt wait to see each other n to get to it and wen he got bk it was the same selfish sex so I was so angry and misrable over it I text him and told him n his reply was that he's sorry and he knows he is selfish in the bedroom and that he promised that night would be good and it was great he made sure I come b4 he did his 2 min thing then that's it nothing since so I've been again texting going on n couple days ago he was saying again would come home do this n that promos to please me and he came home I got in the bath ready thinking I was gettin. Somthing and nothing we went to bed and still nothing he went sleep so for the next couple days leading up to now I've been so frustrated n I new he would avoid sex altogether so he don't have to please me then yesterday he was having a lie in I was sorting kids and this point it came to the point I was so stressed I didn't want to look at him kiss him or anything he text me saying should we have sex so I told him what to just be disappointed again no thanks then this turned in to a row I was being nasty basically saying ur shit in bed even tho he isn't wen he try's then after the row he said come up stairs n he would make it better but I was still angry and said do1 then we went out for the day tuck kids swimming n wen we got bk we was cuddling on the sofa kissin geting turned on n he said u want to go up stairs so I thorght great after the convo this morning thought I was finally going to get pleased no was a quick dry rub litraly 20 seconds then about him again then the 2 min sex I felt so angry sad used jaut don't no what to do anymore I Riley don't if me saying out of anger that ur shit in bed and u Carnt satisfy ur woman isn't going to change him I don't no what is

[Cabrinha]

Well, he is shit in bed.
I really feel for you because you've done everything right in being open with him.
It's pure laziness - as he can do it.

I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe this is the only issue that you have. I can't believe a man that selfish would only be selfish at sex.

If that really is the only issue (really?) then I'd tell him that I was quite happy to have 2 minute sex for him - but only after I had had an orgasm. And stick to that every time.

I really don't see how such selfishness would be contained to one area though.

[00tessy222]

Yeah he is a selfish person in life to were very different were I'm a pleasing person would do anything for anyone and always think about others and very loving were he isn't but there is nothing atal in the relationship that I would change just this 1 problem thank you I think I'm going to try that see how that works 👍

[slug]

Ask him to consider what his life will be like after you leave him. Just imagine the conversations

"So, 00Tessy, why did you leave your DP? I thought you got on so well together"
"Frankly, he was a selfish person and shit in bed"

That's going to do a huge amount to his reputation amongst the single population in your vicinity. Does he really want that particular piece of information out in public?

[loveyoutothemoon]

That is so selfish, was he like it when you met?

[inlectorecumbit]

started to read and got fed up with the text speech style and the lack of paragraphs which made it so difficult to read-so l gave up.. sorry

[0phelia]

It really helps to type in normal words and sentences, OP. You might get more advice!

Does he suffer from premature ejaculation and is embarrassed?

Could you agree to an open relationship? Go to some sex parties together?

I couldn't have shit sex for the rest of my life. No wonder you're frustated.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

If he's a selfish person and you're a people pleaser then you're the worst possible combination.
I'm not trying to be rude but you have written those long posts with no full stops. If you write with full stops, paragraphs and write out the full word (not bk for example) you will get better and more advice.

[Buzzardbird]

Sorry OP, have you only just joined MN?

Can anyone summerize please? With this new typeface, and the other issues I just can't read it.

[loveyoutothemoon]

I think the new typeface is easier to read. And there are a few unnecessary comments towards the OP, god she wants advice!

[Buzzardbird]

It's not (there is a thread about 23 pages long backing that up), and everyone tried to explain nicely, and said 'sorry' for mentioning it.

[pocketsaviour]

OP,

Tell him "Since you're lazy and selfish in bed, as you've previously admitted, I'll be seeing a professional to take care of my sexual needs from now on. How much would you like to allot from the family budget?"

The discussion should flow naturally from there, and will end with you telling him to pack his bags and fuck off back to his mum's where he can buy an inflatable sex doll that doesn't require any input.

Or just discreetly take a lover. Your choice.

[Buzzardbird]

There's no excuse for a lazy, selfish partner OP.

[Buzzardbird]

Right, I have just had a go at reading it again. (clearer head this morning).

You need to take control and stop him when he starts being selfish. If he won't be less selfish, then he doesn't get to carry on. You stop it right there and then. REfuse to do anything back for him unless he is doing it for you. You need to be firm.

After he doesn't get his way a few times he will learn to be a better lover or manage without.

[00tessy222]

Thank you everyone for your advice Defo going to try the ur not geting anything till I'm done thing. And also sorry for the big essay of text righting I was angry and basically just wanted to get it all out lol......glad I'm not just going mad and it's actually not right what he's doing. Thanks again all and I will get this new thing on the go and see how it pans out

[Buzzardbird]

Yes, OP, you need to more selfish ironically enough. Good luck.

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

That last post was no easier to read. Just shorter.

I would say no sex then.

Why are you still with him? What is keeping you there?

[springydaffs]

Even if you put in paragraphs (just press enter twice! anywhere!) it would be easier to read.

Even I gave up and I'm usually patient...

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

The last post was fine! Let's ease up now ok?

[00tessy222]

Okay sorry il try do that make it Easyer to read

I felt so much better yesterday after putting this post I didn't no who else to speak to about it and felt like I was going to blow lol

This morning I text him wile I'm at work and I told him untill I get what I want first he isn't geting nothing anymore so by by to sucks

And his answer was a sad face?? Is satisfying woman Riley that daunting??

[springydaffs]

No more sucks? oh love - is that what you're doing and you're getting nothing back?

Note: men usually pay for that service.

Really, I think he's a shit.

[springydaffs]

Perhaps you meant fucks. Ah well, same applies re payment.

[Buzzardbird]

You'll be fine OP, he has just been getting away with it for too long. You'll put him straight.

If he doesn't like it, he knows what he can do.